Memorable quotes for
Ishtar (1987) More at IMDbPro »

CIA Agent: Jim, I don't know what you had in mind here, but this mission is no longer covert. We are now overtly firing on two Americans and God knows who else. And they are armed to the teeth!
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Jim Harrison: Sir? We did NOT fire on two Americans in the desert. We did NOT. Who told you that? The Secretary of State? Well, how would he know?
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Chuck Clarke: Either shoot me or lower your voice.
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Shirra Assel: This is an ancient devious world, and you come from a young country. Promise me you will keep my secret without trying to understand it.
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Chuck Clarke: You mean you bought a camel?
Lyle Rogers: No, I didn't really buy it. They SOLD it to me!
Lyle Rogers: Oh no. I think that something went wrong and now I own a blind camel. A blind camel!
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Lyle Rogers: You didn't have to leave with me, now I've spoiled the night for you.
Chuck Clarke: You gotta give yourself a break! You've never been out with anyone but your wife.
Lyle Rogers: Yeah, but you gotta have the looks, Chuck. I mean, you walk into a place like that and girls just want ya, ya know, ya got that kinda face. Kinda mean lookin' but with character. And the way you walk, you can only do that with a small body! Didya ever hear of a big sports car? I mean, if I'd look like you...
Chuck Clarke: Oh, you so idealize me!
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Lyle Rogers: You didn't have to leave with me, now I've spoiled the night for you.
Chuck Clarke: You gotta give yourself a break! You've never been out with anyone but your wife.
Lyle Rogers: Yeah, but you gotta have the looks, Chuck. I mean, you walk into a place like that and girls just want ya, ya know, ya got that kinda face. Kinda mean lookin' but with character. And the way you walk, you can only do that with a small body! Didya ever hear of a big sports car? I mean, if I'd look like you -...
Chuck Clarke: Oh, you so idealize me!
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Lyle Rogers: [to Chuck] It takes a lot of nerve to have nothing at your age, don't you understand that? Most guys'd be ashamed, but you've got the guts to just say 'to hell with it'. You say that you'd rather have nothing than settle for less, understand?
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Shirra Assel: The birds in the desert eat only flesh, and there is no wind.
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Chuck Clarke: Take one sip at a time. That water has to last you about another 48 minutes.
Lyle Rogers: Why, what happens then?
Chuck Clarke: We run out of water.
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Chuck Clarke: Is this the oasis?
Lyle Rogers: Does this look like an oasis to you?
Chuck Clarke: Yeah, look at the birds. Are those vultures?
Lyle Rogers: Yeah.
Chuck Clarke: You mean they're here on spec?
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Emir Yousef: The enemy of my enemies is my friend.
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Lyle Rogers: Chuck, this isn't really a good time to get depressed.
Chuck Clarke: You're right, I don't know what's wrong with me.
Lyle Rogers: Look at the upside: we're not livin' lives of quiet desperation.
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Lyle Rogers, Chuck Clarke: [singing] Telling the truth can be dangerous business; / Honest and popular don't go hand in hand. / If you admit that you play the accordion, / No one will hire you in a rock 'n' roll band. / But we can sing out hearts out. / And if we're lucky, then no neighbors complain. / Because life is the way we audition for God; / Let us pray that we all get the job.
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Chuck Clarke: (singing) Because of yourself, you don't know what I am.
Lyle Rogers: What?
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Chuck Clarke: [Chuck and Lyle are writing a song] Shit man, when you're on you're on.
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Lyle Rogers: What a smuck I was...
Chuck Clarke: Schmuck! It's not smuck. Schmuck!
Lyle Rogers: Smuck!
Chuck Clarke: [loud] Schmuck!
Lyle Rogers: Sssssssssmuck!
Chuck Clarke: Say "ssshhhh"
Lyle Rogers: Ssshhhhhh.
Chuck Clarke: Now say "muck".
Lyle Rogers: [soft] Muck.
Chuck Clarke: Now say "ssshhh" and "muck" together real fast.
Lyle Rogers: Smuck!
Chuck Clarke: ...Closer.
Lyle Rogers: You really know the lingo.
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Lyle Rogers: [singing/composing new song] She said come look there's a... she said come look there's a wardrobe of love in my eyes...
Lyle Rogers: Take your time, look around and see if there's something your size...
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Lyle Rogers: Are these breasts?
[thinking he's dealing with a male robber in his hotel room]
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Camel Seller's Translator: He says he will sell you a blind camel. He says he also knows of a camel with a crippled leg and no teeth. Would you like a dead camel?
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CIA Agent: The KGB is here. I recognize two agents.
CIA Agent: The ones dressed as Texans?
CIA Agent: No. The ones dressed as Arabs. The ones dressed as Texans are Arab agents. I also recognize two guys from Turkish intelligence.
CIA Agent: Which ones? The ones in the Hawaiian shirts?
CIA Agent: No, the Bermuda shorts. The ones in the Hawaiian shirts are tourists.
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Caid of Assari: I am Ahmad bin Ali. I am the caid of Assari. It was I that called out "Yellow Rose of Texas". Perhaps you would care to entertain at my worthless palace?
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Caid of Assari: I am Ahmad bin Ali. I am the Caid of Assari. It was I that called out "Yellow Rose of Texas". Perhaps you would care to entertain at my worthless palace?
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