Harry and the Hendersons (1987)
George Henderson: We've got some big guns and some big-big guns but I'm afraid I'm all out of big-big ammo!
Sarah Henderson: Where's the roast?
George Henderson: I'll go get it.
Nancy Henderson: The roast is resting in a shallow unmarked grave in the backyard.
George Henderson: Oh. Well, there's plenty of other stuff.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Are you vegetarians?
George Henderson: Sometimes. It depends on the guest.
Ernie Henderson: The basement. You'll love it! It's like a cave. With a pool table.
George Henderson: He walked into our kitchen and was eating out of our refrigerator. I thought we was gonna eat me, but he ate our daughter's corsage and our passiflora coccinea, then it ate our goldfish!
Sergeant Mancini: And, uh, where is he now, Mr. Henderson?
George Henderson: [hearing the toilet flush in the backgrond] In the bathroom.
Sergeant Mancini: Oh, of *course*, how stupid of me...!
George Henderson: [on the phone] No, no, no Bigfoot here, Sergeant. I was just joking. It's just a prank, uh, I'm not even George Henderson. You must have reached the wrong number.
George Henderson: We're on our own.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: I'm gonna say this once. 'Gonna say it simple. And I hope to God for your sakes you all listen. There are no Abominable Snowmen. There are so Sasquatches. There are no Bigfeet!
[the family begins to giggle. Unbeknownst to Wrightwood, Harry is standing right behind him]
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Am I missing something?
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: So what you're saying is you would be willing, excuse me, Jack would be willing to take in this creature and care for it and love it like a pet?
George Henderson: No, like a member of the family.
Nancy Henderson: George, if I could have a word with you before The Carson Show calls?
S.W.A.T Team Man: Freeze! Move out! Drop it!
Civilian: Are you crazy? Do you know how much I paid for this gun?
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: You've seen hundreds, thousands of pigeons, right?
George Henderson: Of course.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Have you ever seen a baby pigeon? Well, neither have I. I got a hunch they exist.
George Henderson: I have a friend and his name is, um, Jack and let's say there's... this... giant...
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Is there a beanstalk involved in this, Mr. Henderson?
[looking in an anthropology book]
George Henderson: That's Jaques LaFleur, a hunter who came in the store today.
Nancy Henderson: No, that's Richard Smith, the forestry guy who came to our... house today. That lying bastard!
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Well, Jacques-o, what's next for you?
Jacques LaFleur: I don't know. There's always Loch Ness.
[the pool man just fished a hunk of Harry's hair out of the pool]
Pool Man: Do you have a cat?
Pool Man: Good. Then it's just a hairball.
George Henderson: We don't even know what it is. We don't know if it's male or female.
Sarah Henderson: Definitely male.
Nancy Henderson: How can you tell?
[Sarah stares at them]
Nancy Henderson: Oh, don't answer that, honey.
George Henderson: Harry, sometimes you've just gotta wonder if there's any real difference between you and I. I mean, I can be pretty hairy too, you know.
George Henderson: I have no doubt that you saw him, but what really happened is when you saw him you were so scared shitless that you crashed your precious 10 Speeder into the stop sign, bumped your head on the curb and probably scared *him* half to the death in the process! All right, that's what really happened, isn't it? ISN'T IT?
Bicycle Man: [anguished] Yes!
Ernie Henderson: [whispering] Hey, Dad, what if it's him?
George Henderson: Who?
Ernie Henderson: [whispering] Bigfoot.
George Henderson: Bigfoot...?
Ernie Henderson: Holy shit! Sorry, Dad.
George Henderson: That's okay, I was looking for the right words.
George Henderson: I know what I'm talking about.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: And I know it's closing time, so if you wanna talk shop, THEN SHOP!
Jerry Seville: Good morning, Seattle!
George Henderson: God, I hate this guy.
Nancy Henderson: I'll turn it off.
George Henderson: No let me hate him. It'll keep me awake before the coffee kicks in.
George Henderson: Nan, don't you like roughing it in the wild?
Nancy Henderson: Roughing it? George, the only thing rough about it was when the generator went out in the middle of Masterpiece Theatre.
Irene: I need someone to talk to! You know it hasn't been easy with this pool and everything, and Herb is no help! His latest theory is that a condor flew over and took a shit in it.
Jacques LaFleur: We both spent our whole lives chasing after that beast and we both had to stare at ourselves in the mirror every morning and keep repeating, "I am not a fool. I am not a fool." Only you finally BLUNK.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: I finally opened my eyes.
Jacques LaFleur: [climbs in his truck] We'll find out soon enough.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Go for it, Jacques-o! Raise a ruckus. God knows I can use the business.
George Henderson Sr.: I wanted King Kong, you brought me a goddamn giant gerbil. I told you exactly what to do. You didn't even come close.
George Henderson: Maybe it's right on the nose. Maybe it's not vicious at all, Maybe it's gentle and has feelings.
George Henderson Sr.: Where'd you dream up that shit?
George Henderson: I'm not going to stand around while some animal destroys our house.
Ernie Henderson: Dad, he's not an animal!
Bicycle Man: I didn't really mace him, I was about to be eaten!
George Henderson: Eaten? BY A VEGETARIAN?
[George has just hung up on Sgt. Mancini when suddenly the phone rings]
George Henderson: No, no, Sergeant. No Bigfoot here. Irene!
Jacques LaFleur: [to Nancy, about Harry] It could be out there suffering. And I know you'd want to help me find it so I could ki-... care for it.
[LaFleur is released from the watch house]
Jacques LaFleur: Where the hell have you been?
Jerome: There was nothing I could do!
Jacques LaFleur: Oh, bullshit!
Jerome: They weren't letting anybody out until they processed those guns, and there were a lot of guns! You need a bath.
Jacques LaFleur: And what, blow my cover?
[bangs on counter]
Jacques LaFleur: Come on, come on! Give me my piece!
Police Clerk: Hey, when I'm ready, pal.
Jacques LaFleur: When he's ready...! Jerome, do something, hey!
Police Clerk: [to woman on phone] So, what's your sign?
[George's father had changed George's kind drawing of Harry to make Harry look like a vicious monster]
George Henderson Sr.: See? You're not the only artist in the family. How's that for an arthritic old shooter, huh?
George Henderson: What the hell did you do that for? It's my drawing! Why'd you change it?
George Henderson Sr.: Cool down, George, it's just a piece of cardboard.
George Henderson: Not to me. It means something to me! Can't you see that he means something to me?
George Henderson Sr.: What the hell are you talking about?
George Henderson: The hell with it! I quit!
George Henderson Sr.: Over this? You can't quit! We're too busy! Hey, what the hell's the matter with you?
Jerome: I might be able to get you out sometime tonight, but I'm gonna need a damn good reason.
Jacques LaFleur: For Christ's sake, I'm talking about bagging a Sasquatch!
Jerome: That'll cut a lot of ice for the judge.
Irene: Kim Chi!
[Storming to the garden]
Irene: Kim Chi! Kim CHI!
Kim Lee: My name is Kim LEE, not Kim CHI!
Irene: You killed them!
Kim Lee: [Notices the cut roses] Oh, NO!
Irene: Where are my precious little babies?
Press Woman #1: What's your name, sir?
George Henderson: My name? My name is George He...
[notices the TV cameras]
Press Woman #1: George... George what?
George Henderson: George Hen...
Press Woman #1: George what?
George Henderson: Um... I'm sorry, I really have to leave.
[the press chases him to his car]
George Henderson: [Pins LaFleur against his car] Listen to me. You're wrong. I was like you! I almost killed him myself. But it would've been murder. He's not an animal!
Nancy Henderson: He's our friend!
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: For God's sake, Jacques-o, open your eyes.
Jacques LaFleur: Are you people out of your minds? You think I'm going to stop now? I'm going to kill him.
George Henderson: [Begins slamming LaFleur against the car] You're not gonna kill him! You're not gonna hurt him! I won't let you! I'll kill you first...
[Harry pushes George and LaFleur apart]
Jacques LaFleur: [Pointing to George] Don't let him kill me. Don't let him kill me.
Jacques LaFleur: Please don't let him kill me! Don't let him kill me, please don't...! Please don't let him kill me!
George Henderson: [sees enormous foot prints in the ground] Harry.
George Henderson: Sorry. I thought you were somebody else.
Jacques LaFleur: Listen, you don't understand. I almost had him! I was THAT close.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Then what? Gun jam? Or maybe a change of heart? Had him in your sights and couldn't do it? What's the story this time?
Jacques LaFleur: I don't know. I think he was hit by a car.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Well, that should have made it easy.
Jacques LaFleur: Yes, I know. There were no traces. No tracks. Nothing, he just... vanished.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Well, like I tell my customers, Bigfoot eat their dead.
Jacques LaFleur: I don't know why the hell I bother with you.
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Because you figure I'm the only one who wants to believe you deep down, but I don't. Not anymore.
Sarah Henderson: I don't feel so good...
Ernie Henderson: Pull over, Dad. She's gonna launch.
George Henderson: Ernest!
George Henderson: Hey, hey, careful of my drawings back there. And don't step on the trout!
Nancy Henderson: Or my flowers, if they're still alive.
George Henderson: Or Mom's flowers.
Ernie Henderson: Hey, Dad.
George Henderson: Yeah?
Ernie Henderson: Do you think I could get a pair of real Major League baseball cleats when we get back?
George Henderson: You bet.
Ernie Henderson: Great. I'm gonna spike Frankie McDowell.
Nancy Henderson: Oh no you're not.
George Henderson: Listen to your mom, Ern.
Ernie Henderson: But he spiked me twice.
George Henderson: Well that's different. You go right ahead then.
Nancy Henderson: George!
George Henderson: Nan, you don't understand these things. It's just smart baseball.
George Henderson: [after trapping Jacques LeFleur on the freeway] That sucker's history!
Dr. Wallace Wrightwood: Don't kid yourself. This is the part he's good at.
George Henderson: Nancy, I'm not a doctor, but it's got no pulse, it's not breathing and it's cold as a Popsicle. Believe me, honey, whatever he is, he's definitely dead!
[trying to goad Harry into the car to return him to the wild]
Nancy Henderson: Well, here we are. Remember this? Your favourite station wagon.
George Henderson: [unsuccessfully straightening the wrecked front bumper] Or what's left of it...