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G.I. Joe: The Movie (Video 1987) Poster

(1987 Video)

Quotes

Beach-head: What's that bow-wow doing here?

Law: That's my dog, Order. He's trained to sniff out explosives. Order, seek!

Beach-head: This is supposed to be YOUR test, Law!

Law: Hey, Law and Order are a team, man. He find the bombs, I drive the car. We tried it the other way, but it didn't work.

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Cobra Commander: Go ahead. Make me the scapegoat. My loyal subordinates could testify to my superb stewardship of Cobra. But you don't have the courage to let them speak!

Serpentor: Wrong again! Defend him if you can.

Cobra Commander: Indeed they shall. You first, noble Destro.

Destro: Militarily speaking, it's only fair to say that Cobra Commander is a world-class... buffoon.

Cobra Commander: WHAT?

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Cobra Commander: The fault, most imperial Serpentor, lies not within us, but within YOU! Your leadership has been pompous, pusilanimous and pathetic!

Serpentor: Yes, leadership IS at the heart of the matter isn't it, Commander? But it's not mine that's inadequate, it's yours! Your ego driven stupidity has converted victory into catastrophe for the last time!

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Jinx: Oh, terrific.

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Serpentor: None may challenge Serpentor! This I command!

Pythona: [reveals herself] That won't be necessary.

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Serpentor: Cobra-la-la-la-la-la-la!

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Sgt. Slaughter: The price of liberty is eternal vigilance.

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[Seeing one of Cobra-La's flying creatures]

Roadblock: Even their air force is ugly!

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Zartan: We don't know who you are, where you came from, or even what side you're on. Why should we risk our necks on your behalf?

Pythona: Does *this* answer your question?

[produces a huge ruby from under her robe]

Zartan: A gem of that size answers *all* my questions.

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Jinx: The first one to call me "bad luck", gets a knuckle massage.

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Golobulus: Nemesis Enforcer, throw this worthless sewage into the Abyss of oblivion.

Serpentor: No, put him in with the Joe prisoners, so they can see the fate which awaits them.

Pythona: I like that. It's poetic in it's simplicity.

Golobulus: Eh, a trifle melodramatic, but instructive... Nemesis Enforcer, take him away...

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Red Dog: [after hearing the bell ringing] Dinner already?

Sgt. Slaughter: Not unless you like snake burgers. We're gonna infiltrate the Terrordrome on Cobra Island.

Mercer: That's suicide!

Taurus: Yes. Horoscope say it bad day to travel.

Sgt. Slaughter: Think of it as an extra rough training exercise.

Lt. Falcon: Training, huh? Why don't we leave our weapons behind? Make it really educational.

Sgt. Slaughter: Now that's what I call a challenge! No weapons! Let's move out!

[Renegades growl at Falcon]

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Serpentor: [after Duke sacrifices himself to save Falcon] He took the snake that was meant for *your* heart! But his sacrifice will be in vain! THIS I COMMAND!

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Thrasher: [after seeing catching one of the Joes in the river] Hello, Hello, Hello

ThrasherLaw: Adios, Adios, Adios

[punches him in the face]

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Serpentor: Blunderers! Fools! We possess power greater than any on Earth! Yet our conquests are stripped from us on every front! Our most dangerous enemy is NOT G.I. Joe but YOUR collective incompetence!

Cobra Commander: Hogwash!

Serpentor: WHAT? You dare say?

Cobra Commander: The fault, most imperial Serpentor, lies not within us, but within YOU! Your leadership has been pompous, pusilanimous and pathetic!

Baroness: What did he say!

Zarana: He's gone batty!

Dr. Mindbender: That's treason!

Tomax: I don't believe it!

Serpentor: Yes, leadership IS at the very heart of this matter. But it's not mine that's inadequate, Cobra Commander, it is YOURS! Your ego driven stupidity has converted victory into catastrophe FOR THE LAST TIME!

Cobra Commander: Go ahead. Make me the scapegoat. My loyal subordinates could testify to my superb stewardship of Cobra. But you don't have the courage to let them speak!

Serpentor: Wrong again! Defend him if you can.

Cobra Commander: Indeed they shall! You first, noble Destro.

Destro: Militarily speaking, it is only fair to say that Cobra Commander is a world-class... buffoon.

Cobra Commander: WHAT? Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, brave Xomat and Tomax... you won't let Destro's treacherous assassination of my character go unchallenged, will you?

Dr. Mindbender: Certainly not! Destro forgot to mention your frequent displays of cowardice!

Cobra Commander: Oh!

[Cut to Pythona emerging from the lake and breaking into Cobra's headquarters and back again to the other Cobras blaming Cobra Commander for their repeated failures]

Baroness: And you botched our desert campaign!

Destro: We had won but YOU countermanded my order!

Baroness: You meddling brought us defeat! Again and again and again!

Dr. Mindbender: You're not just a fool, you're Cobra's curse!

Tomax: Inept!

Xamot: Insufficient!

TomaxXamot: Inexcusable!

Cobra Commander: Unsubstantiated fantasy! Lies, lies, LIES!

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Baroness: If you ask me, some of them did not evolve.

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Golobulus: I will stain my hands with your blood! No one defies Golobulus and lives... NO ONE! The last thing you will hear... is the cracking of your vertebrae... one... BY ONE!

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Duke: I want you guys to infiltrate Cobra's Terrordome and destroy it. By the way, how's he doing?

Sgt. Slaughter: It's too soon to tell but I think the kid's got a lot of potential. And by the way, I won't tell him you asked.

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Beach-head: What is he doing? Get rid of that thing.

[Beach-head throws the explosive device away only to be horrified that Order has retrieved it and given it back to him]

Law: Order! Give it here. I'm sorry, Beach-head. He's usually very obedient.

Beach-head: Yeah well, just get rid of that thing.

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Beach-head: Cut the macho, Tunnel-Rat - NOW DO IT!

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Wild Bill: Hoo Wee, doesn't look cozy down there, Lift Ticket!

Lift Ticket: I don't think Falcon's supposed to be cozy, Wild Bill. Gung-Ho, Alpine and Bazooka aren't exactly enjoying their hospital stay!

Lift Ticket: [tosses Falcon a parachute] Put it on, smart guy!

Lt. Falcon: What for? We're over the middle of nowhere.

Lift Ticket: Which is right where you belong!

[kicks Falcon out of the helicopter]

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[Abandoned by his fellow Cobras, a mutated Cobra Commander turns to his former adversaries for help as they flee Cobra-La]

Cobra Commander: Wait for me!

[He catches up to Roadblock]

Cobra Commander: Stop! It's a trap!

Roadblock: [Grabs Cobra Commander by the collar] Get outta my face!

Cobra Commander: Look!

[Roadblock turns to see his fellow Joes get recaptured by Cobra-La's living fortress]

Roadblock: My buddies.

Cobra Commander: There's nothing you can do to save them!

[Roadblock growls and tightens his grip around Cobra Commander]

Cobra Commander: Wait! I know another way out of Cobra-La! You can save yourself and fight again!

Roadblock: So what's your fee? Snakes don't give for free.

Cobra Commander: Take me with you!

[Roadblock surveys the situation and sees he has no other option but to trust Cobra Commander]

Roadblock: We got a bargain. But play it straight or there's no doubt, I'll turn your eyeballs inside out.

Cobra Commander: This way!

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Beach-head: You six rawhides, you're gonna learn soldiering, and - hey, there's only five of you. Where is that gold-plated goof-off, Lt. Falcon?

Jinx: Terrific question!

Big Lob: Man said he has some errands to do. Go to the tailor, wallpaper his footlocker... weird stuff.

Tunnel Rat: I think he had a date or something.

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Pythona: Prepare for eternity!

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Sgt. Slaughter: When I'm through, scuzzbucket, they're gonna scrape you off the walls with a squeegee!

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Alpine: How are you at splicing?

Gung-Ho: Nothing like a little on-the-job training!

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Red Dog: Well, look what just dropped in, bruddahs. A hundred seventy pounds of air pollution!

Mercer: I've seen putty with more backbone.

Taurus: I do not like his face. Let us remove it, yes?

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Serpentor: Die, arrogant Earth scum!

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Sgt. Slaughter: Where's Falcon?

Red Dog: Who cares? We don't need...

Sgt. Slaughter: It's time you learned we're a team, Red Dog. We all go home or nobody goes home.

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Lt. Falcon: Want me to kiss it and make it better?

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Cobra Commander: No! No! Not the spores! I'm a citizen of Cobra-La. NOT THE SPORES!

[Nemesis Enforcer approaches Cobra Commander with a steaming pod. Nemesis Enforcer forces Cobra Commander's head down onto the pod as it bursts and launches the spores around his face. The Royal Guards then let go of Cobra Commander's arms and let him fall on all fours. He grabs his throat and hyperventilates]

Cobra Commander: No! No!

[Cobra Commander rips his shirt open revealing his flesh as it mutates into green and yellow scales]

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Serpentor: I, Serpentor, Emperor of Cobra, salute you, most noble one. Pythona tells me I owe you my freedom.

Golobulus: Your freedom and your life. Know that I am Golobulus, supreme ruler of this kingdom of Cobra-La! It was I who created you, Serpentor. You are mine.

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Red Dog: You're not filling your brothers in, Mercer. What's Cobra-La?

Mercer: I've never heard of it.

Taurus: That answer gives me no comfort!

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Beach-head: I hope you BOTH get fleas!

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Roadblock: Hey, this is your faceplate?

Cobra Commander: Was my mask. Just as I was once a man.

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Cobra Commander: Useless. It's all useless.

Roadblock: Come on! Snap out of it! Neither of us will make it if YOU don't hang together!

Cobra Commander: I was once a man. A man!

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Big Lob: And Big Lob makes his move!

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Cobra Commander: You have no jurisdiction over me! Release me at once or taste my wrath!

Golobulus: Be silent, or be silenced!

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Golobulus: You have lost, G.I. Joe! LOST!

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Sgt. Slaughter: AT EASE, DISEASE! I've been expecting you. My name is Sgt. Slaughter. Special drill instructor for G.I. Joe.

Lt. Falcon: That's terrific Sarge but, I'm tryin to cut back on the chicken sweat just now, so if you don't mind...

Sgt. Slaughter: You're going nowhere, space case. You're here because you're an industrial strenth foul-up! My job is to whip you into shape and I mean WHIP! There's only two ways out of my command, on your feet like a man, or in a ditty bag, an itty-bitty ditty bag. YOU GOT IT?

Lt. Falcon: Yes sir!

Sgt. Slaughter: That's better. Now straighten up and meet the Renegades. They're not real dependable now, but when I get through with them, what are you going to be?

MercerTaurusRed Dog: Perfect!

Sgt. Slaughter: That's right. Perfect. Meet Mercer, an ex-Cobra Viper who's seen the light. Red Dog, booted out of pro football for unnecessary roughness. And Taurus, a circus acrobat with a few loose bats in his big top.

Lt. Falcon: Uh, hi guys.

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Roadblock: Hey, I don't like that sound. Tell me, dude, what's going down?

Cobra Commander: The beginning of the end of the human race.

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Law: Man, whoever heard of being shot down by salad?

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Cobra Commander: Fool! You haven't got the B.E.T.! You don't even know where it is! Your plan is laughable!

Golobulus: But your punishment will not be.

Cobra Commander: Punishment? What about my trial?

Golobulus: It's over!... and the verdict is guilty... guilty of the one unforgiveable crime... Failure!

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Serpentor: The world will soon be ours, great Golobulus!

Golobulus: May your deeds match your words, Serpentor.

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Golobulus: It is our greater destiny that concerns me now. Where is the Broadcast Energy Transmitter?

Serpentor: I was unable to capture it, but I shall not fail you again, my lord.

Golobulus: Let's hope not, Serpentor. I would hate to lose you.

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General Hawk: How is he, Scarlett?

Scarlett: Not good.

Duke: I guess I can't look out for you anymore, kid...

Lt. Falcon: Don't say that, Duke! Doc'll fix you up.

Duke: This isn't Doc's day for miracles... It's my own fault... I'm too slow...

Lt. Falcon: No, no! You did it to save me!

Duke: Promise me you'll try to... get your act together... Be a credit... to your country...

Lt. Falcon: I... I'll make you proud. You'll see.

Duke: Yo... Joe...

Scarlett: He's gone into a coma. Duke...

General Hawk: Falcon, don't worry. We'll do everything we can for Duke. Yo Joe.

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Shipwreck: Well save my bones for Davy Jones.

Snowjob: He gives me chills.

Quick Kick: What did they do to him?

Lady Jaye: He looks... inhuman.

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Golobulus: Behold the culmination of centuries! The ultimate fruit of hypergenetic manipulation, a weapon which no enemy can withstand. In several hours, these marvelous fungisoids will mature and launch hundreds of giant pods into orbit. The pods will bear spores, and those spores will degenerate all organisms they touch, mutating them into mindless incompetent lifeforms.

Pythona: [superimpose Pythona's face over the viewscreen] When the pods ripen, they will burst...

[the B.E.T. lights up the mutegen pods and they start exploding. The spores fall quickly forming into a mushroom cloud]

Pythona: and shower the earth with enough spores to reduce the entire human race to the level of mindless beasts.

[We then see a visual of a man getting hit in the back of his head with the mutegen spores. As the mutegen spores touch down on him and turn him into a hideous snake beast, he appears in view and looks at the camera after being hit by the spores. His clothes are tattered by the affects of the mutegen spores as he covers his face and roars and develops snake scales that run up one side of his body, across his face and neck, and down the other side of his body and the whites of his eyes turn yellow and develop cylindrical pupils. We then see steam after the spores touch down blocking out the moonlight]

Golobulus: Only those beneath the protection of Cobra-La's icedome will be spared. But the pods will not ripen in the freezing outer space without energy. That's why I must have...

Serpentor: The Broadcast Energy Transmitter. Of course.

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Baroness: Those Drednok are flying awfully close to the capture plants.

Dr. Mindbender: Those aren't Drednok. Those are G.I. Joes.

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[slaps Falcon around]

Serpentor: Who's with you? You can not hold out forever

Lt. Falcon: No. All I need is five more minutes.

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Golobulus: Once this worm reaches the top of this pole, the pods will ripen and this pitiful planet will be ours.

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Lt. Falcon: Where's the lair?

Cobra Commander: [slithers around and hisses]

Lt. Falcon: I said where's the lair?

Cobra Commander: [slithers through a hole in the door]

Lt. Falcon: It's too late. He's already completely transformed.

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Baroness: [with everyone gasping] Cobra Commander, this is treason.

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Flint: Flint to base.

Sgt. Slaughter: What's up?

Flint: Look at Cobra Commander. Those pods contain enough spores to mutate every man, woman and child on this planet.

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Lt. Falcon: Don't say that, Duke. Doc'll fix you up.

Duke: This isn't Doc's day for miracles. It's my own fault... ah... I was too slow.

Lt. Falcon: No, no! You did it to save me!

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Jinx: Stow it, Falcon. I'm allergic to baloney.

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Lt. Falcon: [Klaxon blaring] Oh no! No! Oh boy, you really are bad luck.

Jinx: Hey, you're no rabbit's foot yourself.

General Hawk: Falcon! Take a good look at what your irresponsibility cost us because you *deserted* your post: an enemy force was able to penetrate security, free Serpentor and injure three good men. You're confined to quarters until court-martial! Get him out of my sight!

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General Hawk: Lt. Falcon, I don't know how an arrogant misfit like you got into this outfit in the first place!

Tunnel Rat: [whispering] Are they going to shoot Falcon?

Law: No. This is just a preliminary hearing.

General Hawk: Three Joes injured and Serpentor freed by some bizarre new enemy, all because YOU can't follow orders! Your record is a shameful parade of insubordination and gross dereliction of duty. We searched your files in the hopes of finding SOME act of merit to offset the maximum penalty. We found... none!

Duke: [stepping down from the gallery] If it please the court, I ask that the defendant be spared.

General Hawk: On what grounds?

Lt. Falcon: [grabbing Duke's arm] Duke... don't.

Duke: [pulls away] I just know that deep inside, there's a Joe worth saving; Falcon is my half-brother.

General Hawk: [shock and surprise reverberates through the courtroom] We should confer on this. Duke, you may remove the defendant.

[Falcon and Duke step outside]

Lt. Falcon: [angrily] Don't do me any more favors, "big-brother"!

Jinx: Falcon! Duke's just trying to help!

Lt. Falcon: How? By busting my chops every chance he gets?

Duke: I promised our mother I would keep an eye on him. Maybe I shouldn't have taken the job.

[Falcon clenches his fist]

Tunnel Rat: He did the crime, he oughta do the time!

Big Lob: Now *you* might get penalized for his screw-up!

Lt. Falcon: Hey! Nobody's going to take the fall for me! I don't need your help!

[grabs Duke by the shoulders]

Lt. Falcon: STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!

Low Light: [door hisses open] Showtime!

General Hawk: [inside the courtroom] Lt. Falcon, it is the judgment of this tribunal that you *not* be turned over for court-martial.

[Falcon and Duke express surprise]

General Hawk: However, you still must answer for the severity of the charges against you. Falcon, you're going to learn what it means to be a Joe even if it kills you. I'm sending you to the Slaughterhouse!

[bangs gavel]

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[first lines]

Cobra Commander: Cobra, retreat! Retreat!

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Sgt. Slaughter: [fighting Nemesis Enforcer] This is for Gung-Ho, Alpine, and Bazooka!

[tackles him once]

Sgt. Slaughter: This is for Falcon!

[tackles him twice]

Sgt. Slaughter: This is for me!

[tackles him a third time]

Sgt. Slaughter: This is for Duke!

[tackles him a fourth time]

Sgt. Slaughter: And this is for the U.S. of A!

[tackles him a fifth time]

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Golobulus: Then a brilliant nobleman came to my attention.

[a 14th century scientist is seen examining a plant of unknown origin. The pods on the top of the plant explode and spray a strange mist in the man's face. He starts to develop snake scales all over his face]

Golobulus: Although he was disfigured in a labortory accident, he was my choice.

[We see Cobra Commander as we know him]

Golobulus: To raise a mighty army and take back this so called "civilized" society which drove us underground. You were my hope, Cobra Commander, and you failed me *miserably!*

Cobra Commander: I was betrayed! My troops lacked courage! It was not my fault!

[Zandar and Zarana hold an appalled Zartan back]

Golobulus: *You failed!*

Cobra Commander: No! Your precious creation Serpentor defiled your dreams of conquest! Destroy him, I say! Destroy him!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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