Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: What'll it be?
Carl Hefler: [walking up to the bar] Package delivery.
Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: For who?
Carl Hefler: It just says "Mayday".
Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: Here I'll take it.
Carl Hefler: Ya gotta sign for it.
[passing a clipboard]
Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: [signs and returns clipboard]
Carl Hefler: [reading signature] Kay-no-bee... K-noby! Is that like in Star Wars?
Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: No idiot, it's "Knobby".
Carl Hefler: Oh! it's... so it's like a nickname.
Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: Yes, I think maybe it's something like that.
[knocking on his bald head]
Carl Hefler: Well I'm gonna need your full name, please.
Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: Sorry...
Carl Hefler: Come on, it's the regulations.
Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: Hey fuck you, okay?
Carl Hefler: Fuck you? Thank you very much! I come here to give you a fuckin' package and you decide to blow me shit?
[getting more irate]
Carl Hefler: Like-like-like-like-like-like-like you're my idea of a dream come true - takin' shit from a dildo with ears?
Carl Hefler: You know when I was like five I said, "Dad, Dad! Can I get a job where random fuckin' shitheads blow me crap all day?" I'm gonna break you in fuckin' half and use your head as a ballpoint!
[grabs Knobby by the shirt]
Carl Hefler: Now sign the goddamn thing!
Dr. Cynthia Sheldrake: There is a DISTINCT difference between killing someone and fucking them!
[to the man who just tried to kill her by drowning]
Bernice Bernie Rhodenbarr: You ruined my life, my 'do, AND my Manilow tapes!
Carl Hefler: Cause I'm a black man in a white man's world...
Det. Nyswander: Uhh, Mr. Hefler, you're caucasian...
Carl Hefler: Beautiful! Hold THAT against me too!
Frankie: What line of work are you in?
Bernice 'Bernie' Rhodenbarr: I'm a cat burglar.
Frankie: Oh, shit! What do you do with them?
Bernice 'Bernie' Rhodenbarr: What?
Frankie: The cats!
Bernice 'Bernie' Rhodenbarr: I hold them for ransom!
Frankie: Is there any money in that?
Frankie: Oh, Jeezus! Look who's asking if there's any money in pussy!