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Burglar (1987) Poster

(1987)

Quotes

Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: What'll it be?

Carl Hefler: [walking up to the bar] Package delivery.

Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: For who?

Carl Hefler: It just says "Mayday".

Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: Here I'll take it.

Carl Hefler: Ya gotta sign for it.

[passing a clipboard]

Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: [signs and returns clipboard]

Carl Hefler: [reading signature] Kay-no-bee... K-noby! Is that like in Star Wars?

Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: No idiot, it's "Knobby".

Carl Hefler: Oh! it's... so it's like a nickname.

Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: Yes, I think maybe it's something like that.

[knocking on his bald head]

Carl Hefler: Well I'm gonna need your full name, please.

Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: Sorry...

Carl Hefler: Come on, it's the regulations.

Vincent 'Knobby' DiCarno: Hey fuck you, okay?

Carl Hefler: Fuck you? Thank you very much! I come here to give you a fuckin' package and you decide to blow me shit?

[getting more irate]

Carl Hefler: Like-like-like-like-like-like-like you're my idea of a dream come true - takin' shit from a dildo with ears?

[shouting]

Carl Hefler: You know when I was like five I said, "Dad, Dad! Can I get a job where random fuckin' shitheads blow me crap all day?" I'm gonna break you in fuckin' half and use your head as a ballpoint!

[grabs Knobby by the shirt]

Carl Hefler: Now sign the goddamn thing!

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Dr. Cynthia Sheldrake: There is a DISTINCT difference between killing someone and fucking them!

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[to the man who just tried to kill her by drowning]

Bernice Bernie Rhodenbarr: You ruined my life, my 'do, AND my Manilow tapes!

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Carl Hefler: Cause I'm a black man in a white man's world...

Det. Nyswander: Uhh, Mr. Hefler, you're caucasian...

Carl Hefler: Beautiful! Hold THAT against me too!

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Frankie: What line of work are you in?

Bernice 'Bernie' Rhodenbarr: I'm a cat burglar.

Frankie: Oh, shit! What do you do with them?

Bernice 'Bernie' Rhodenbarr: What?

Frankie: The cats!

[Both laughing]

Bernice 'Bernie' Rhodenbarr: I hold them for ransom!

Frankie: Is there any money in that?

[laughing]

Frankie: Oh, Jeezus! Look who's asking if there's any money in pussy!

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Bernice 'Bernie' Rhodenbarr: [Bernice enters the apartment and the alarm sounds] That's right, bitch, don't tell me about the alarm.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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