Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)
[Axel sees Rosewood with a huge pistol]
Axel Foley: Yo, man! What's that for?
Billy Rosewood: After the shootout at the club, I figured I needed more firepower.
Axel Foley: Yo man, we gotta talk, seriously. Who do you think you are, Clint Eastwood? Dirty Rosewood?
Axel Foley: Are you driving with your eyes open? Or are you, like, using "the force"?
Axel Foley: You just hit a squad car!
Billy Rosewood: I know, I know. It's okay, I know the guy. He's a jerk.
Axel Foley: Oh, you mean the construction that's going on. Yes, I'm very embarrassed about that. What I'm trying to do, though, is just confine myself to the other five bedrooms. I'm used to compromising my lifestyle.
Sergeant Taggart: Bullshit! You've stolen this house!
Axel Foley: How the fuck can you steal a house? This...my uncle's house!
[Rosewood runs a red light]
Sergeant Taggart: It's red!
Billy Rosewood: It's green!
[He hits another car]
Billy Rosewood: Oh, yeah, it was red. Okay.
Axel Foley: It was yellow!
Axel Foley: Hey, man! Take off your glasses. I thought that was you, man! You *almost* got busted, I *did* get busted. I lost my whole investment because of you. Vinnie, what the hell is wrong with you, man? You know I'm a businessman. I got to work!
Axel Foley: You come inside here a half hour late, and on top of all that you gonna bring the goddamn cop with you, too?
Vinnie: What you talking cop? He ain't no cop!
Axel Foley: That's Dirty Harry himself! Man, what the fuck is wrong with you gonna bring him in here?
Carlotta: You calling me a cop?
Axel Foley: You definitely a cop!
Vinnie: He ain't no cop, he's my nephew.
Axel Foley: Well, the dude is definitely bad luck. I don't know what he is to you; he's bad luck to me.
Carlotta: Bad luck? I'll fuckin' tell you what's bad luck. My friend's in a prison body shop fixin' all the cars that he smashed that day 'cause you had to fuck around. This guy's a fuckin' clown.
Axel Foley: Hey, what is- Wait a second.
Carlotta: What the fucking cock you tryin' to get away with?
Axel Foley: I'm checking you for a wire, man.
Carlotta: Get fuckin' outta here.
Vinnie: Oh, hey, hey, hey!
Axel Foley: Why can't I check ya?
Vinnie: [speaking at the same time] Ho, ho, ho! Stop the bullshit. Stop the bullshit! Stop this bullshit. Cut the bullshit. Cut the bullshit right now. Cut the bullshit, man.
Axel Foley: If he ain't a cop, if he ain't wired, why can't I- why can't I frisk him? Why can't- Why won't he let me frisk him, then? Then why can't I frisk him if he ain't got no wire on?
Vinnie: Look, I got 2000 blank American Express cards, right now. Gold. You got the money, you wanna do business or what?
Axel Foley: I have the money and I *do* wanna do business, but with *you*. I ain't doing nothing in front of this dude, 'cause this dude is a cop. I know when I can smell a pig inside the room. I used to be a Muslim, man. And I know that's pork over here. And th...
Axel Foley: Yes, pork! It's definitely pork. I ain't doin' shit around this dude, man. You wanna do business, you know where to find me. Fuck you, man. Allahu Akbar.
Axel Foley: Inspector T, how you doin'?
Inspector Todd: Where the fuck you been, Foley? And what the fuck is this?
Axel Foley: It's a blue slip.
Inspector Todd: Wh-what in the hell do you need a thousand dollars for?
Axel Foley: A little flash money.
Inspector Todd: Flash money. Well, let's see here - $2,000 for a suit, $200 for a tie, a requisition order for a Ferrari. I'm don't wanna see any more of these blue slips. When am I gonna see some arrest slips?
Axel Foley: I know that you're getting' upset. And I know that you have reason to be upset. But let me tell you something, chief. I am close, I am so close now. I'm closer than I've been, and it-it's makin' me crazy. 'Cause I can smell it, it's in the air. And I smell it. It's
Axel Foley: I sm- Do you smell it? 'Cause I smell it.
Inspector Todd: All I smell is your bullshit. For six months, I been pourin' money down a bottomless hole. Where the bad guys at the end of this rainbow?
Axel Foley: Wait a second, look. I just thought, that if there was a problem-
Inspector Todd: Don't think, Axel! It makes my dick itch. The truth is, this department has fronted you a fortune. And my ass is on the line. I okayed all this shit!
Harold Lutz: Who the hell are you?
Axel Foley: Uh, my name is Johnny Wish-Wishbone. Johnny Wishbone. And I am a psychic from the island of St. Croix. Yes, I am psychic from the island of St. Croix. And I read in the St. Croix Gazette that the Beverly Hills Police Department having some trouble figuring out crimes. So, what I did was come to Beverly Hills to help the police out. They tell me they don't want my help, they don't *need* my help, so I'm gonna go on my merry way. I'm a psychic! I am a psychic phenomenon. Watch this. I don't know who you are, but watch this. Ummm... Your name is, ummmm, Lutz! Right? Chief Lutz. That's your name. See? The name pop inside my head like that. And your name is, ummmmm, ummmmm...
Axel Foley: Biddle! Yes, see? I- You- Two more seconds I would have said it myself. I don't need no help from no one, because I'm Johnny Wishbone, psychic extraordinaire. And if you need me, just think "Johnny Wishbone" and I come running. Lutz and Biddle, it's like Kibbles n' Bits, but different.
Vinnie: Hey, Ace. I would very much like you to meet Judy. She can suck a golf ball through twenty feet of garden hose. Ain't that right?
Axel Foley: Hey! Sound the alarm. You got a break-in!
City Deposit Guard: I need authorization.
[Axel and Bill pull their guns and shoot the alarm]
Inspector Todd: "Expert tutelage"? What the fuck have you been telling them?
Axel Foley: [about the cement truck Billy got for a pursuit] Well, this is pretty sporty!
Billy Rosewood: Don't complain! It's all I could find!
[Taggart sees Rosewood take two shotguns and an overcoat out of his trunk]
Sergeant Taggart: Billy, what are you doing?
Billy Rosewood: I've been wanting to wear this for a while, Sarge.
Sergeant Taggart: What are you, nuts? Jesus Christ, Billy! We gotta talk! What the hell is this?
Billy Rosewood: You can never have too much firepower.
Axel Foley: 24 hours a day I will be in the car. I will sleep, eat, drink, shit. I will- No, I ain't gonna shit.
Axel Foley: You thought I was gonna really shit. I wouldn't- Wh-what would I look like shitting in the car? I ain't gonna shit. Don't worry about a thing, though. I am on the job. Don't worry about a thing. I'm on the job!
Inspector Todd: THAT'S what I'm afraid of!
[outside the Playboy Mansion]
Billy Rosewood: Sarge? You old bloodhound!
Sergeant Taggart: Billy, isn't this uh...?
Billy Rosewood: Yeah!
Sergeant Taggart: No!
Sidney Bernstein: [on the phone] Naturally. I can see- Yeah, yeah. I mean I-I understand. Somebody- W-wait-
[off the phone]
Sidney Bernstein: Oh, oh, oh. Come right in. Don't let the fact that my door's closed dissuade you in any way from entering my office.
Axel Foley: Sir, we're with the Beverly Hills Police Department. Are you Mr. Sidney Bernstein?
Sidney Bernstein: Yes. Lucky guess.
Axel Foley: Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets, we have a warrant for your arrest.
Sidney Bernstein: 25? What 25?
Axel Foley: You have 25 unpaid parking tickets, sir.
Sidney Bernstein: I-I pay my tickets. I pay - I pay all my tickets.
Axel Foley: Sir, do you own a Black Mercedes-Benz, License Plates number CRL-507?
Sidney Bernstein: 507? That's my wife's car! That's not my car! That's my-
Axel Foley: You have 25 unpaid parking tickets.
Sidney Bernstein: I mean, it's under my name. But, it's my wife's car! No! No! No!
[picks up phone; yells]
Sidney Bernstein: Bitch!
Axel Foley: Your tickets have not been paid, that means you're liable.
[to Taggart & Rosewood]
Axel Foley: Can you cuff Mr. Bernstein, please?
Sidney Bernstein: Cuff me? There are people out there with chainsaws, you're cuffing me!
Axel Foley: Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets, and it's your car. So, we have to take you in.
Sidney Bernstein: Wait a second, I've got an idea. Is there something that I have in this office that I could hand to you, and that would make you kind of forget that you're holding those, uh, little pink tickets there?
Axel Foley: [to Rosewood and Taggart] "If you get your head out of your ass long enough"? "Kiss my ass"? You're gettin' more and more like me every day. Next thing you know you're gonna have Afros... big dicks and all!
Playboy Mansion Valet: [Axel has just pulled up a cement truck to the Playboy Mansion, where he is met by a valet] Yo, what the fuck is up, man? Check this out. I get ten dollars for cars, I get twenty dollars for limos! What the hell is this?
Axel Foley: My truck. Here's $50. Put it next to a limo.
Sergeant Taggart: [after being ordered to Lutz's office to explain Rosewood's call to the FBI] Can't keep God waiting.
Capt.: I don't want to hear that kind of talk, Sergeant.
Sergeant Taggart: Oh come on, Andy! He's fired every cop who used to work for the old chief! The three of us is all that's left!
Capt.: [curtly] He's still head of this department, Sergeant.
Sergeant Taggart: [softly] Yes, sir.
Axel Foley: [about Lutz, who's just been fired by Mayor Egan] Is he a civilian now?
Mayor Ted Egan: Yes.
Axel Foley: [yelling at Lutz] I'm gonna kick yo' ass later!
Billy Rosewood: Sarge, will you just relax and trust me?
Sergeant Taggart: Trust you? You drive worse than Maureen!
Billy Rosewood: [appalled] No way!
Sergeant Taggart: [to Biddle] Putz.
Harold Lutz: Did you say something, Taggart?
Biddle: He called you "Putz", sir.
Sergeant Taggart: I didn't call him a putz, I called you a putz.
Harold Lutz: He's right, Putz.
[Biddle's face drops]