Wendy Potter: Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold, pease porridge in the pot nine days old.
Peter Dickinson: You have the distinction of owning the only two children in the entire building.
Harry Potter Sr.: Oh, we don't own 'em, we just rent!
Peter Dickinson: Well, let me give it to you straight Harry Boy! You see, I am a single, unattached guy. And I live upstairs, right above you. Now, I'm into swinging, and children having pillow fights at all hours of the night while I'm trying to score, may cause a few strikeouts, you get me Harry Boy!
Harry Potter Sr.: Yes, sir.
Peter Dickinson: Good!
[Enters an apartment]
Harry Potter Sr.: Mr. Dickenson, wrong apartment.
Peter Dickinson: [Exits sacastic] Shit!
Harry Potter Sr.: What's going on out there?
Anne Potter: [Referring to Wendy] She tried to bite me!
Harry Potter Sr.: Honey? Did you do a lot of drugs before we were married?
Torok the Troll: [after turning Malcolm into troll] Welcome, Brother Elf
Wendy Potter: I know what death looks like. It looks like *this*!
Harry Potter Jr.: [looking for Wendy in the basement] Have you been playing with dead cats?
Torok the Troll: A gentle knight was riding across the plain, all clad in mighty arms and silver shield, wherein old dents and deep wounds did remain the cruel marks of many a bloody field. Yet armies till that time did he never yield. His angry steed did chide his foaming bit. Upon a great adventure he was bound, that fairest Gloriana to him gave, the greatest, glorious queen of fairyland. Now, when that idle dream was to him brought, unto that elfin knight he bade him fly, where he slept soundly, void of evil thought and with false shoes abuse his fantasy...