Rita, Sue and Bob Too! (1987)
Sue's Dad: You'll not get a bleedin' job sittin' on your arse in here.
Sue's Mum: Look who's talking; you haven't done a day's work in years!
Bob: You take the rubber johnny out of the packet-...
Sue: You didn't think we thought you could put packet on, did ya?
Bob: Well, things haven't been going so good with me and the wife.
Rita: Tell us another one!
Sue: There's no way I'm workin' all week for twenty-seven pounds thirty on some bleedin' trainin' scheme.
Sue's Dad: I had to work for eighteen shilling!
Sue's Mum: That were in the days of Methusela! They were worth more then.
[Rita and Sue are in Bob's car. Bob is about to make love to Sue on the front seat. Rita is in the back, feeling rather left out of things]
Rita: [sarcastically] I'll just watch, if it's all right?
[Bob climbs on top of Sue. Rita takes a closer look]
Rita: Jesus! It looks like a frozen sausage!
[to Michelle, during an argument]
Bob: When we have sex, it feels like shagging a bag of spuds - you lay there like a bit of wet rag.
Sue: Its all your fault. If you'd had sex wi' him, he wouldn't have to go elsewhere.
Sue's Mum: Keep you mouth shut!
Michelle: Well, Is that you've been saying you dirty bastard?
Michelle: My husband is not a dirty bastard, it's your daughter and her so-called "mate".
Sue's Dad: [Sue comes in at 2pm; her Dad is sitting there with a baseball bat] Where the fuck have you been?
Sue: Baby sitting.
Sue's Dad: Not just till 2 o'clock in the fuckin' morning you haven't, don't lie to me lass!
Sue: I'm not, you ask me mum.
Sue's Dad: Well yer mum's a lyin' bastard an all and I'll wrap this round ya fuckin' neck!
[throws bat down]
Sue: [blows a huff] Mum!
Sue's Mum: What?
Sue: Come and tell him!
Sue's Dad: You're a lying little shit!
Sue's Mum: Oh, I'm fucking fed up with him! What do you think yer fuckin' playing at?
Sue's Dad: You try to tell me that she's been baby sitting till this fuckin' time?
Sue's Mum: How do you know she hasn't?
Sue's Dad: Cause' there's nowt open that's how!
Sue: There is!
Sue's Mum: Night Clubs.
Sue's Dad: Well I don't fuckin' believe yer, next time I will wrap it round yer neck.
Sue's Mum: Just be careful I don't bloody wrap it round yours!
Sue's Dad: Anyway, why don't you fuck off back to bed?
Sue's Mum: I'm sleeping in here, you're sleeping on yer bloody own.
Sue's Dad: Do what yer like.
Sue's Mum: I bloody will, don't worry!
Sue's Dad: Fuck it, I'm going to bed.
Sue: Oh go on.
Sue: Aren't you going to bed?
Sue's Mum: I'm not getting in with him!
Aslam: I can't help being a paki!
Sue's Dad: Yes you fuckin' can. Shouldn't interfere.
Sue's Mum: Nor should you! You're always tellin' folk what they should do; you haven't done it yourself!
Sue's Dad: [trying to be dignified] I've done some things...
Sue's Mum: You've done nowt and you've been nowt all your life!
Michelle: [while ironing Bobs trousers Sue finds a packet of condoms inside his pocket] What the bloody hell are you doin' with a packet of these?
Bob: Me and Joe were havin' a laugh with 'em in the pub. We were blowin' 'em up!
Michelle: I'm sorry to tell ya but I don't believe yer.
Bob: Well go and see Joe and ask him yer self then.
Michelle: [while tossing the packet at him] Yer a lyin' bastard, you've been arsin' around again.
Bob: Don't be silly!
Michelle: What's the matter, do you think I'm thick? I know you've been pissin' about.
Bob: How do you know anythin'?
Michelle: Staying out 'til all hours in the morning and making stupid excuses!
Bob: So what?
Michelle: I bet it was that dirty little bitch you was screwing before. The trouble with you Bob is you're sex mad.
Bob: Ah don't be daft woman.