Never Too Young to Die (1986)

User Rating:

3.8/10   

Director:

Gil Bettman

Writers:

Steven Paul (story) and
Stuart Paul (story) ...

Release Date:

June 1986 (USA)

Genre:

Action | Drama | Adventure

Tagline:

Stargrove: the new American hero.

Plot:

A secret agent is murdered, and his son--a high school gymnast--teams up with a spy to catch the man who killed him.

Plot Keywords:

Spy | Drag | Beautiful Woman | Sex | Gay Interest

Cast

John Stamos	...	Lance Stargrove
Vanity	...	Danja Deering
Gene Simmons	...	Carruthers / Velvet Von Ragner
George Lazenby	...	Drew Stargrove
Peter Kwong	...	Cliff
Ed Brock	...	Pyramid
John Anderson	...	Arliss
Robert Englund	...	Riley
Tara Buckman	...	Sacrificed Punkette
Curtis Taylor	...	Barton
Jon Greene	...	Coach Madsen
Tim Colceri	...	Grady
John Miranda	...	Mr. Wilder
Patrick M. Wright	...	Exploding Biker (as Patrick Wright)
Gary Kasper	...	Wrestler (as Gary F. Kasper)

Runtime:

Norway:90 min | USA:92 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color (Metrocolor)

Sound Mix:

Dolby

Certification:

Iceland:16 | South Korea:15 | Finland:(Banned) | Norway:18 | USA:R

Trivia:

The costume Gene Simmons wears for his nightclub act is actually the same costume that actress Lynda Carter wore for her television special _Encore! (1980)_, in which she tried to look like a member of the band KISS while singing "I Was Made for Loving You".

Quotes:

Velvet Von Ragnar: [Ragnar has captured Drew after killing the spy's partner] ... A program disk was stolen from me, Stargrove. I believe you've got it.
Drew Stargrove: Come on. This is stupid.
Velvet Von Ragnar: You're right. It's VERY stupid. Assuming, of course, you want to see your son.
Drew Stargrove: What kind of designer-drug are you on? How is Lance mixed up in all this?
Velvet Von Ragnar: You know, oddly enough, I wasn't sure he WAS... until now.
Drew Stargrove: Lance doesn't have a clue about my work!
Velvet Von Ragnar: Nor did his mother, but that didn't save her.
Drew Stargrove: You're threatening to KILL Lance!
Velvet Von Ragnar: I'm not THREATENING, Stargrove. I'm PROMISING to kill him, unless I get that disk.
Drew Stargrove: ...Ragnar, I've lost too much blood for your games.
[...]

Titillating nipple biting with a twist.

This movie is bad. But it's the laughable, entertaining kind of bad you find in movies like Grease II. You see great and crummy actors and actresses cast together that you would have never imagined, EVER. Gene Simmons of KISS fame plays the villainess gal with 'something extra'. You camp it up, Gene! You gotta love Gene Simmons, who has been playing in drag longer than Dame Edna. John Stamos plays himself basicly, no change in hair or motivation. He's handsome enough I suppose, but there is no acting range for this man. George Lazenby (one time James Bond) even makes an appearance!! Vanity made her career on those flawless cheekbones/exotic beauty, matched with dazzling clothes and sexy prancing, works her formula to the hilt. But she's convincing, because she seems like the type who really could beat the stuffing out of someone. She's a tough gal, secret agent with a heart of gold. The flirtation scene between John Stamos, Vanity and the garden hose will make heterosexual men lose sleep over her. (And make transvestites pine for Vanity's jungle bikini) The breast and nipple biting in this movie will truly surprise and titillate you! See it to laugh, to mock, and to marvel at the feminine charms of Gene Simmons. Nothing beats a great pair of legs!