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Never Too Young to Die (1986)

4.8
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Ratings: 4.8/10 from 600 users  
Reviews: 21 user | 10 critic

A secret agent is murdered, and his son--a high school gymnast--teams up with a spy to catch the man who killed him.

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(story), (story), 4 more credits »
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Title: Never Too Young to Die (1986)

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Lance Stargrove
...
Danja Deering
...
Carruthers / Velvet Von Ragner
...
Drew Stargrove
...
Cliff
Ed Brock ...
Pyramid
...
Arliss
...
Riley
Tara Buckman ...
Sacrificed Punkette
...
Barton
Jon Greene ...
Coach Madsen
Tim Colceri ...
Grady
...
Mr. Wilder
Patrick Wright ...
Exploding Biker
Gary Kasper ...
Wrestler (as Gary F. Kasper)
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Storyline

Secret agent Drew Stargrove is brutally murdered by the ruthless Van Ragnar. In this action-packed Bond-style thriller, the murdered secret agent's son, Lance Stargrove is thrust into the dangerous and intriguing world of secret agents and espionage when he seeks revenge against Van Ragnar. Danja Deerling teams up with Lance as his sidekick and love interest. Written by Tony

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

At the age of 18, every government agency wanted him... dead or alive. See more »


Certificate:

R | See all certifications »
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Details

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

13 June 1986 (USA)  »

Also Known As:

Lance - Stirb niemals jung  »

Company Credits

Production Co:

 »
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Technical Specs

Runtime:

Sound Mix:

Color:

(Metrocolor)
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Did You Know?

Trivia

The costume Gene Simmons wears for his nightclub act is actually the same costume that actress Lynda Carter wore for her television special _Encore! (1980)_, in which she tried to look like a member of the band KISS while singing "I Was Made for Loving You". See more »

Quotes

Velvet Von Ragnar: [regarding the formula with which they'll poison Los Angeles's water supply, unless the Governor of California meets their demands] ... Is the concentration LETHAL?
Riley: I'd say WORSE!
See more »


Soundtracks

I'LL FIND YOU
Performed by Minor Messages
Produced by Iren Koster, Chip Taylor, Ralph Lane
Written by Chip Taylor, Ralph Lane, Michael Kingsley, and Iren Koster
1986 Paul Music
See more »

Frequently Asked Questions

See more (Spoiler Alert!) »

User Reviews

 
On the eighth day, God created this movie...
13 March 2014 | by (USA) – See all my reviews

This has to be seen to be believed. John Stamos plays college gymnast Lance Stargrove whose father is a super spy that still finds time to send him care packages. When Dad is killed by hermaphrodite Velvet Von Ragnar (Gene Simmons), Stargrove teams with sexy spy Danja Deering (Vanity) to get revenge. Oh yeah, Simmons wants to poison the water supply with radioactive waste or something.

Stamos brings perfect hair to his role, which is the most important thing. There are lots of scenes of him doing gymnastics. Perhaps the director was a fan of '80s classic Gymkata. He also rides a dirt bike because in the '80s dirt bikes were cool. One of the many highlights of the movie is when Stamos is being beaten up by two of Simmons' thugs. He is crying like a little baby but then he sees a picture of his dad. Suddenly he's like Popeye on a spinach high and he kicks the crap out of the bad guys ("The name's not scumbag, it's Stargrove! Lance Stargrove!").

Vanity is a stone fox, as usual. She also has a nude scene, as usual. Her seduction of John Stamos I will mock publicly but privately I thought it was hot! Gene Simmons is gross to look at dressed in drag but a hoot hamming it up as the super villain. Seeing him flirt with Stamos is priceless. He also likes to use his middle finger for...well, I won't spoil it. There's an Asian inventor friend of Stamos' who, at one point in the film, wears an outfit that is practically every color known to man. George Lazenby plays the spy dad. I'm sure some casting director beamed from ear to ear over that ingenious casting. He dresses like a Ghost Buster and uses a bulletproof umbrella as a shield. In a scene that I'm certain was the actor breaking the fourth wall, Lazenby says to Simmons "Oh come on, this is stupid."

The movie is filled with laughably cheesy music. The song that plays during Stamos' first scene keeps repeating his character's name "Stargrove" over and over. Simmons gets to sing during his club routine ("Yeeeah!"). There's also a rather cheesetastic tune that plays leading up to Stamos taking Vanity to Pound Town.

This is the kind of movie you just don't see anymore. These days when they try to do trash like this, it's always so self-aware and obvious that it takes the fun out of it. Truly "so-bad-it's-good" flicks don't try to be bad on purpose. If you ever wondered what Uncle Jesse did before Full House, all your questions will be answered here. This movie is so awesome it will change your life. If you watch this, it will make a man out of you. So female viewers beware.


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