Mark Forman: [taking a very pregnant Rachel to the hospital] Just keep breathing, you can do it.
Rachel Samstat: [panting] I don't want to do it, honey. Can't we get somebody else to do it?
Mark Forman: What the fuck was that?
Rachel Samstat: He has cancer.
Mark Forman: Bullshit.
Rachel Samstat: Mark.
Mark Forman: It's bullshit!
Rachel Samstat: People don't lie about things like that.
Mark Forman: Contractors lie about everything. What'd he say, "I have cancer"?
Rachel Samstat: Exactly.
Mark Forman: Well, he probable meant that "he" has cancer.
Rachel Samstat: Who?
Mark Forman: How do I know? Someone. I don't know. His father.
Rachel Samstat: His father's dead.
Mark Forman: He has an unlisted address.
Rachel Samstat: What are you talking about?
Mark Forman: Oh, well, it's the latest thing.
Rachel Samstat: What kind of person has an unlisted address?
Mark Forman: I'll tell you what kind person. The kind that doesn't want to be dead. The kind people are trying to kill all the time.
Rachel Samstat: Why are you angry at me for?
Mark Forman: I'm not angry at you.
Rachel Samstat: Then what you shouting at me for?
Mark Forman: Because you're the only one that's here.
Mark Forman: My wife's name was Kimberley. One of the first Kimberleys.
Rachel Samstat: My husband had hamsters.
Mark Forman: Me too.
Rachel Samstat: Not as a grownup you didn't. He had hamsters named Arnold and Shirley. And he was always whipping up little salads for them in the Slice-O-Matic and buying them extremely small sweaters at a pet boutique in Rego Park. Also, there was a certain amount of talking in squeaky voices.
Mark Forman: Both of you?
Rachel Samstat: Well, he was Arnold... and I was Shirley.
Mark Forman: When we're married, I want this once a week.
Rachel Samstat: I'm never getting married again. I don't believe in marriage.
Mark Forman: Neither do I.
Mark Forman: It's just that there's no door to the kitchen.
Contractor Laszlo: The back door.
Mark Forman: The back door. Yes. It's true. You can get into the kitchen... through the back door. This, we know is a kitchen. But you can't get inside the house from the kitchen! Now, how the fuck did this happen?
Rachel Samstat: Mark. For God's sake. Laszlo, we thought that you could put a door here.
Contractor Laszlo: She's a piece of cake. He's a piece of cake.
Rachel Samstat: It's a piece of cake.
Contractor Laszlo: You are Hungarian?
Rachel Samstat: No. You are Hungarian.
Contractor Laszlo: Yes.
Rachel Samstat: Yes. Hungarians have no pronouns.
Mark Forman: Apparently they don't have fucking doors, either.
Contractor Laszlo: She is very angry at me.
Rachel Samstat: He is very angry at you. Yes.