[Alien eats David's hat]
Max: That could have been your head David.
Max: I told you, I blew a fuse when I totaled that electrical tower. I was checking out some daisies.
David: You crashed while looking at FLOWERS?
Max: I crashed into electrical towers and my star charts were erased. I need the ones in your head to complete my mission.
David: So you need ME and my INFERIOR brain to fly that thing?
Max: Correction, I need the SUPERIOR information in your INFERIOR brain to fly this... thing.
Max: Are we there yet? Where are we anyway?
David: Geez, I have no idea where we are. We got to get directions.
David: I wonder if that's that Twisted Sister stuff Carolyn was talking about.
Teen in Car: Come on.
David: [they lower the space ship beside the car at a stop sign] Hi, you wouldn't happen to know the way to Fort Lauderdale, would you?
Max: [Max sticks his 'head' out] Try to make your directions clear because we get lost easy.
Teen in Car: [freaking out] Fly!
[they speed off]
Max: Hey! Thanks for nothing!... Were those geeks, David?
David: Yes, Max. Those were geeks.
Max: I do not leak, you leak!
[after stopping at a pasture, David steps off the ship to urinate]
Max: What are you doing?
David: Can't I have a little privacy?
Max: Do not know privacy.
Max: Hey, blimpo... too many Twinkies.
Max: Ooh, a threat. Look, I'm really shaking!
David: That's it?
Max: That's it, Davy!
Max: If you wanna learn how to swim, you have to jump in the water. Don't forget to feed Bruiser. Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun... Whoa! I think I got some stuff out of your head that has nothing to do with navigating this ship!
David: You sound just like a human!
Max: No! That dumb dog will never learn to catch a frisbee. You are the inferior species, you dumb dork!
Max: Scuz-bucket! Ha-ha!
David: My dad took me to see the Bee Gees a couple months ago. Who did you see?
Carolyn McAdams: Twisted Sister.
David: Never heard of her.
Carolyn McAdams: It's a him.
Carolyn McAdams: Actually, it's a them.
Max: See ya later, Navigator!
Jeff Freeman, 16 Years: This is totally rad, dude! You're my big little brother!
R.A.L.F. (Robotic Assistant Labor Facilitator): Pardon me, coming through.
David: [flying into Florida] Al's Gator City... This must be Florida, Max!
Max: And that must be Big Al!
Carolyn McAdams: All right, listen, um, I gotta go, um, is there anything else you want when I come back?
David: How about a Big Mac, large fries and a Coke? They're still around, I hope.
Carolyn McAdams: Well, now, that all depends, Do you want New Coke, Classic Coke, Cherry Coke, Diet Coke or caffeine-free Coke?
Carolyn McAdams: Nothing, Forget it.
David: What are we doing all the way up here you geek?
David: I swear to God if I was driving this thing we'd be home by now!
Max: Oh yeah?
Max: Oh yeah?
Max: Ok turkey YOU fly it
[Max turns everything off]
Radar operator 1: Japanese air force report sightings of the aircraft above Tokyo sir.
Dr. Faraday: Tokyo?
Radar operator 2: Japanese air force reports the aircraft has left Japanese airspace.
Dr. Faraday: Where's it going now?
David: [David looks at a gooey alien] What's this?
Max: A very unpleasant creature.
David: What's his problem?
Max: He has a cold.
David Scott Freeman: Mom... have I really been gone eight years?
Helen Freeman: Yeah.
David Scott Freeman: It's like a bad dream.
David Scott Freeman: Where do you go next, Max?
Max: Back in time to when I picked up my creatures. By now they're so hungry, they could eat a zigzog.
David Scott Freeman: What's a zigzog?
Max: Kind of like a hippo, but with feathers.
Woman Officer: David, what is the date today?
David: [sighs] It's the Fourth of July.
Woman Officer: And what year?
David: [impatiently] 1978!
Detective Banks: [a beat] David... who is the President of the United States?
David: Duh. You need that for your paperwork?
Detective Banks: Mmm-hmm.
Detective Banks: Well?
David: It's Jimmy Carter!
David: [long, awkward pause as the Woman Officer and Detective Banks look at David, then at each other]
Jeff Freeman, 16 Years: Don't take any shit, David!