Babes in Toyland (1986 TV Movie)
Toymaster: Barnaby, what is it exactly that you want? Didn't Santa Claus bring you enough toys last Christmas?
Toymaster: Lisa, listen to me. I'm not the one who can save Toyland. You are, only you.
Lisa Piper: But what do I have to do?
Toymaster: Believe in Toyland, and all that it stands for.
Toymaster: Do you want to believe, Lisa?
Lisa Piper: Yes, I do. More than anything. I always wanted to be a kid, I always wanted to play with toys. I believe in all of you, and I am still just a kid. I really am.
Justice Grimm: Dear friends and neighbors, as Justice of the Peace of Toyland, it falls within my power to join this handsome couple...
[looks at Barnaby]
Justice Grimm: Well, anyway, this couple, in matrimony.
Widow Hubbard: [reading from notes] Why don't you keep your business out of other people's noses? I think I wrote that down wrong, but you know what I mean.
Barnaby: This is a very painful moment for me. My own nephew, a criminal! I'll be down to file formal charges in about three minutes.
Passerby #1: There's a monster in Barnaby's wedding cake!
Passerby #2: He won't be pleased with that.
Jack Nimble: Over my dead body!
Barnaby: If necessary yes.
Jack Nimble: Everything Lisa warned us about you is true!
Barnaby: Oh, I hope so.
Jack Nimble: He's got trolls! Hundreds of trolls, who ate all the cookies!
Justice Grimm: Do you take the breathtaking Mary to be your beautiful, loving wife from this moment on, to love and be unbelievably kind to, to share the joys of Toyland and all your hopes and dreams with, forever and a day?
Jack Nimble: It's not long enough, but I do.
Lisa Piper: How could you wish evil on the most wonderful place that ever existed? You're insane.
Barnaby: Well, yes!
Widow Hubbard: I never did like that Barnaby. Would you like to come by my shoe for dinner sometime?
Justice Grimm: I'd be delighted.
[Barnaby poisons everyone with gas]
Lisa Piper: Nothing's happening to me. I guess I'm immune 'cause I'm from Cincinnati.
Toymaster: The struggle between good and evil goes on inside of everyone.
Barnaby: For an evil person, I'm really very well organized, don't you think?
Barnaby: I'll smack the smiles off their faces, I'll kick the giggles out of their hearts. No more being - subtle!
Lisa Piper: I was in this town filled with talking toys and Mother Goose people, and horrible monsters tried to eat me alive!
Mrs. Piper: Well, of course they did, honey. Oh, that reminds me, I must call the pest control people.
Georgie Porgie: See that house on the hill? The bowling ball? That's Barnaby's house. All black - 3 holes. He is so evil and so bizarre. Sometimes, when he gets really angry, he rolls his house right down the street and knocks people over like they're nine-pins.
Lisa Piper: Geez, this guy sounds really weird.
Jack: I come from...
Jack, Lisa Piper, George, Mary: [singing] C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I, Cincinnati! The best town in O-H-I-O, Ohio, USA! At first they called it Cincy, but since Cincy is so natty, they named it Cincinnati, so they say. Hey, the girls are really pretty in this pretty little city, the fellas are the feistiest I've seen. And when it comes to ball teams, the Reds and Bengals maul teams, they knock the socks off all teams on the green. I mean to argue's indefensible, the facts are common sensible, see Cincy is invincible, ya know what I mean? Cincy's more than merely natty, she's Ohio's Maserati, Cincinnati's at the center of the scene!
Barnaby: Who are you?
Lisa Piper: I'm Lisa Piper and I'm from Cincinnati.
Lisa Piper: I'm not scared of you, Mr. Barnicle, let go of me.
Barnaby: Well, whoever you are, you will regret the day you ever set foot in Toyland.
Lisa Piper: Oh, no, I won't. Except for you this looks like a wonderful place, and I'm glad I got here on the day Mary Contrary didn't marry you.
Jack: Hi. How about a quick Christmas pizza at Capone's before I drop you home.
Mary: Jack, I don't think I can eat three pizzas.
Jack: I didn't say anything about three.
Mary: Well, I got two other offers.
Jack: Oh, here we go again. The Delilah of the Five-and-Dime.
Barnaby: Hi there, beautiful. I've been watching you with the teddy bears. What do you think of running here? A charity bizarre?
Mary: The merchandise was faulty. There was no refund. A customer took a punching bag in exchange and was quite satisfied.
Barnaby: One thing I can say to you, angel, is your personal merchandise is by no means faulty, but I when say, "Push the teddy bears", I mean, "*Push* the teddy bears". Clear?
Mary: I'm not a salesperson, Mr. Barney. I'm customer service and I was doing my job.
Barnaby: Doing your job is pleasing me. Which in your case will not be difficult. You know what I mean?
Mary: No, I don't.
Barnaby: You know, for a smart-looking girl, you're really pretty dumb. Don't you know it's better business to be nice to the boss than to some pretty stock boy with his fingers in the tail?
Lisa Piper: Don't you talk to Mary like that!
Barnaby: [sees Lisa] What the heck is that?
Mary: That's my sister and she's absolutely right. Mr Barney, I suggest that you keep your smarty thoughts to yourself and stop making cheap accusations about a nice guy like Jack Fenton!
Barnaby: Oh, yeah? Well, with your attitude, you could be out of here right quick! You know that?
Mary: With your attitude, I could be out of here right now! There's a blizzard out there, it's Christmas eve, but I'm gonna take my baby sister home.
Lisa Piper: Mary!
Mary: I know. I know you're not a baby, you're eleven years old. And if you have any accumizations, which I know that you don't, you would advise all of your customers to get out of here while there's still time! Come on, Lisa. Let's go find Jack.
Barnaby: How do you like that? You ruin my biggest one-day take of the year. What are you, crazy?
Mary: [gives Lisa a Mountain Master] Congratulations, Lisa, on winning the "Sister of the Year" award.
Lisa Piper: Oh, wow. A Mountain Master. They're the best and so are you.
Barnaby: [sees Lisa holding the Mountain Master after Mary gives it to her] Put that back, you little creep. That's stolen property!
Lisa Piper: It costs exactly half of the salary that you own me, Mr. Barney.
Barnaby: Well, you can sue me for the other half!
Mary: Come on, Lisa.
[She and Lisa leave the toy store]
Barnaby: And you two. The two of you? You can sue me too!
George: That's just what we'll do. Merry Christmas.
Jack: Merry Christmas.
[They both pull down a net above him before leaving, and a pile of toys and balls fall on top of Barnie]
Lisa Piper: [takes out a microphone and uses it to get the customers attention] Uh, excuse me, everybody. I just heard on tv there's gonna be a major snowstorm hitting Cincinnati any minute! It's Christmas Eve. You should all go home while you still can!
Barnaby: [sees Lisa holding the microphone and takes it from her] Give me that! Give me that, you midget monster! There's nothing to worry about, folks. It's actually just a false alarm. Please, come on, now. It's just a little snow. I mean, what do you expect? It's Christmas!
[uses the microphone to sing a song]
Barnaby: Christmas time is snow time and no time it'll be Christmas again.
Mary: Lisa, do you really like the sled? I mean, we'll just put it back in the store for you.
Lisa Piper: No. This is gonna be the best Christmas in the history of the world.
George: Right here in Cincinnati.
Jack: Welcome to glorious Cincinnati! Queen of Ohio's pal-pine ski-ing resorts!
Toymaster: Ah, you two are the very first to see my newest creation.
Lisa Piper: Toymaster, for once, don't you just do something more important than a new toy? Jack and Mary have both disappeared and by the way things are looking, we could all end up disappearing.
Toymaster: Oh, Lisa, I can see that you're very upset.
Lisa Piper: Yes, I am very, and this is no time for anybody to be playing with toys. Not even you.
Toymaster: We'll just have to manage it, eh?
Lisa Piper: Toymaster, I don't think you really realized what's going on in Toyland. The whole place is in great danger and you must do something right away. You really must.
Toymaster: Well, what exactly do you have in mind?
Lisa Piper: Well, for instance: Don't you have the power to turn Barnaby into a... a wind-up pussycat or something? I mean, I don't think you realize how evil he is.
Toymaster: Oh, but what if there's still some good inside of him?
Lisa Piper: There's no good in Barnaby, sir.
Toymaster: Lisa, I'm afraid that's not precisely true. The struggle between good and evil goes on inside of everyone.
Barnaby: [barges into the Toymaster's workshop] Not to me, old man!
Barnaby: Oh, the beautiful flask of evil!
Lisa Piper: We don't need anymore evil, Barnaby. You've got enough of your own.
Toymaster: [watches Barnaby walking towards her after being tied up by Barnaby] Barnaby Barnacle, don't you dare touch the hair on that child!
Lisa Piper: I'm not a child!
Barnaby: You're wrong, my interfering little cinci-whatski. I will use every ounce of evil the Toymaster has so kindly been collecting more every last drop.
Barnaby: [grabs Lisa in her face with both of his hands menacingly] You! So pretty! So nice! Now you come with me and be my trollog!
Jack Nimble: [grabs Barnaby, causing him to let go of Lisa] Not quite yet, Uncle Barnaby.
[lets go of Barnaby and punches him in the face]
Barnaby: [grabs Jack by the throat, attempting to strangle him] Jack not Be Nimble! Jack Be Dead!
[Jack, however, punches Barnaby in the gut, thus causing him to release him]