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Perfect Strangers (TV Series 1986–1993) Poster

(1986–1993)

Quotes

[Larry has rented Balki a tuxedo]

Balki Bartokomous: Yours?

Larry Appleton: Yes.

Balki Bartokomous: Yours... looks... just like mine.

Larry Appleton: Yes.

Balki Bartokomous: But if we dress alike, how will people tell us apart?

Larry Appleton: Dental records.

Balki Bartokomous: Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!

Larry Appleton: I have...

Balki Bartokomous: Oh, God.

Larry Appleton: ...a plan.

[Larry is hanging from a hook on the wall]

Balki Bartokomous: Cousin, do it for me, please?

Larry Appleton: No, no...

Balki Bartokomous: Oh, please. Please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way is it to the Emerald City?

Larry Appleton: Some people go that way, and some people go that way...

Balki Bartokomous: But, of course, people do go both ways.

Larry Appleton: Was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous: Are you asking did - did I see *steam* rising from his head or did I see *you* rising from his head?

Larry Appleton: I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous: Okay... Okay, are you asking was it *me* who saw steam rising from his head or was it *you* who saw steam rising from his head?

Larry Appleton: I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous: [pause] Yes. Now, I have one for you - Was it me... or was that Miss Lydia's beauty mark sliding down her cheek?

Larry Appleton: It was you. It was definitely you sliding down her cheek.

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Larry Appleton: Oh, my lord...

Mr. Wainwright: Appleton, you idiot!

Larry Appleton: I just shot my boss in the butt.

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Balki Bartokomous: You may call it intuition, you may call it common sense, you may call the wind Mariah...

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Mr. Gorpley: And then there was the Christmas where my house burned down and I had to go to the hospital. No, that was a good Christmas. I got to sleep in a real bed!

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[Larry is installing a shower head]

Balki Bartokomous: Where are the instructions?

Larry Appleton: I threw them out.

Balki Bartokomous: You threw them out?

Larry Appleton: Appletons have never used instructions. My dad completely rewired the house in Denver without instructions.

Balki Bartokomous: Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?

[Larry pauses for a second]

Larry Appleton: [sheepishly] They never proved it was the wiring.

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Balki Bartokomous: You said that you would not go overboard, and now look at you. You're scraping barnacles off the Titanic.

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[repeated line]

Balki Bartokomous: Well, of course not, don't be ridi-cool-us.

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Larry Appleton: Our goal for this evening is to acheive physical contact. Now how do we acheive physical contact?

Balki Bartokomous: Begging?

Larry Appleton: Dancing.

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Balki Bartokomous: Momma told me never to do the dance of joy alone, or I would go blind.

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Balki Bartokomous: Your ship has finally hit the fan!

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Larry Appleton: Take three steps east, please be meticulous.

Balki Bartokomous: Well of course we will, don't be ridiculous.

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[after Larry confesses a lie to Jennifer, and mentions several other unrelated lies at the same time]

Balki Bartokomous: Boy, when you come clean you leave a ring around the tub!

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Larry Appleton: I didn't lie. At most, I massaged the truth a little.

Balki Bartokomous: Massaged? You gave it a full body scrub and a mud bath!

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[after Larry tells them they need to bake 2,000 "Bibby Bobkas" to sell to a restaurant]

Jennifer Lyons Appleton: Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?

[Larry stops to try to calculate it in his head]

Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: [without stopping to calculate it] 166 and 2/3 dozen.

[everyone looks at her in confused amazement]

Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: [as if it explained everything perfectly] My father was a carpenter.

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Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: You know, having a ghost would explain so many things! Like how when you open the refrigerator, the light goes on!

Jennifer Lyons Appleton: No Maryanne, the light goes on because...

[pauses for a moment, then decides to give up]

Jennifer Lyons Appleton: Yes, Maryanne. Having a ghost would explain that.

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Balki Bartokomous: [trying to think of the most offensive thing he can] I hope you fall on your face with your hands in your pockets!

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[Twinkacetti is staying with the guys after his wife threw him out]

Donnie Twinkacetti: Hey, Appleton, I read your diary. You're a sick man.

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Balki Bartokomous: Well, feed me garlic and call me stinky!

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Balki Bartokomous: Hi, cousin! I just baked a big batch of bing bong binki binki bakalava.

Larry Appleton: ...Bing bong binki binki bakalava?

Balki Bartokomous: Bingo! Want a big bite, booby?

Larry Appleton: Better not, buddy.

Balki Bartokomous: ...bummer.

Larry Appleton: Bitter, Balki?

Balki Bartokomous: You bet your Bibby Babkas I'm bitter, baby! I busted my butt baking these itty bitty binkis, and believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly bolstering!

Larry Appleton: Balki, buddy, baby!

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Balki Bartokomous: I wash my face of the whole business!

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[after Larry and Balki lock themselves in a phone booth to call 911, a thug smashes the glass to the booth with his bare fist, then rips the handset of the phone, so they can't get help]

Balki Bartokomous: ...well, now you've done it! You're going to have to answer to the

[shouts]

Balki Bartokomous: phone company!

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Balki Bartokomous: Where do I come up with them?

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Balki Bartokomous: Oh give me a line of credit.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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