|Index||6 reviews in total|
Okay, this film doesn't really take itself seriously, so you can
forgive it for the bad acting, dialogue, music and special effects. The
first film was pretty bad also, so this one did not have much to live
The plot being, boy wizard with help of mentor and "great" warrior take on three evil Wizards and therefore three large armies of men, is at least quite straight forward to follow.
Most of the film involves some quite ridiculous sword fight scenes, where the "Dark One" Warrior (Played by David Caridine)kills loads and loads of soldiers, with out breaking a sweat. The guards and soldiers are treated as real goons in this particular film, and play a very stupid enemy.
There are some monsters that the boy wizard and the "dark one" also have to battle, but the effects are pretty bad, so these scenes do come across a but cheap and silly.
Despite the obvious negatives, the film does have quite an under-current of comedy attached, which does at times make it watchable.
The central characters are quite annoying. The boy wizard and his side kick old man wizard, spend a lot of time wandering around talking rubbish. The warrior princess that they meet played by Lana Clarkson, looks gorgeous, but has rubbish dialogue - though some good fight scenes. David Caradines "the Dark one" looks a bit embarrassed to be in the film, and his many sword fight scenes are very silly and predictable. The only character who is worth watching is the "Dark One's" Dancer wife Edun (Susan Lee Hoffman). Who is pretty and delicate but has immense physical strength. She gets the only really great scene in the film, where she tricks a guard into helping her down from a ledge. once perched on his shoulders, she crosses her legs and breaks the poor guys neck with her inner thigh muscles, all with a devilish smile on her face.
Unfortunately Eden and her strong legs are only a small part of the film, and the rest is very forgettable or just plain bad. I would only recommend it for a laugh, as you are unlikely to be captured by the story, script or the battle scenes.
The previous poster pretty much said it all - this movie contains flubs on
ever level, from costumes to special effects, dialogue, editing, sound
editing, continuity, and just plain out-and-out stupidity. My friend's kid
brother enjoyed this film in a serious way back in 1990 - but he was only
years old so that makes sense. Even at 15 we understood how lame this
was. And yet we watched it so many times and laughed harder and longer
most movies that are intentional comedies! Some more examples of
The warrior princess character uses bows and arrows and can somehow shoot them from impossible angles, i.e. killing men while standing in a tree and they are bending over, yet still hitting them squarely in the heart. I guess the arrow ricocheted off the dirt up into his chest.
Our "hero" fights a battle against a tentacled styrofoam creature that is shown in brief 1 second flashes with lots of dry ice to mask it's cheesiness. Somehow, the hero kills it though it's not really shown.
The hero goes from standing with his sword across his back, then cut away to some villagers, cut back - suddenly he is brandishing the sword! Guess it would be too much effort to see him unsheath it.
One evil wizard guy looks like Commander Data from Star Trek, right down to his gold painted face.
A final scene is a total ripoff of the whole Star Wars theme of "strike him down and you will turn to the Dark Side". Some sample dialogue (from memory):
"Don't you know that even if you embrace the thought of killing him, you will become evil and join him and NOT kill him, GET IT?"
Suddenly George Lucas sounds like Shakespeare. :)
A few more quotes (said in all seriousness in this movie):
"This is a hard time for heroes kid" "Hey - I'll see you at 7:30" (don't think they used time in such increments in the middle ages) "Now shut up - or start dancing, one or the other" "To the king and the queen of all creation, HAIL." "What can you do against the power of the Amulet of Light?!"
In conclusion, rent this !!
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
OK aside from my vote which was cast to get your attention, would you watch it if i gave a 1, this film is so bad it's good, if you get this to see a good story, great acting or fantastic special effects, you may be disappointed, this film looks like it was made on a budget that could make 10 seasons of blake's 7, the only good thing about this movie was susan lee Hoffman thighs killing a guard, and if they made a film of her killing guards with her thighs for an hour and a half, it would be a thousand times better than this film, in fairness thou this is a funny film when it's not trying to be a barbarian queen rip off, and sid haig is always good for a laugh even in something this bad, there is no real surprises in this film it's a standard good kid vs bad wizard film with a happyish ending, it is worth a look if you can find it.
Who said that Citizen Kane deserved to be in the top 10, and where is
Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2? Someone give David Carradine a
high-five, ASAP. Does anyone else want to throw fifteen bucks to hire
the costume designer of this movie to dress up an upcoming wedding?
What needs to be said about the plot, other than it's a beautiful
template that ignores logic for the sake of a god damned good movie.
Buy a six pack, call a friend or text them or whatever it is you do to
reach people, sit down in front of a TV when you're already too drunk
to drive and watch these actors blow your mind right out of your skull.
This movie might be suitable for children, but it's way more suitable
for you, who may be able to pick up on the subtle sophistication that
oozes from every pore of this hysterical, bloated masterpiece.
It made me look at life with new eyes. Now I will never be the same again, forced to face the world a new man with untold possibility and danger. Does that sound anything near exciting to you? That's not even close to how exciting these special effects are.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
My guess is that this film was made by idiots, because it would take an extraordinary team of geniuses to make a film this awful deliberately.
Supposedly, many people enjoy bad films, even when they know that the films are bad. I don't. This film is the glorious exception. Whereas many films are just bad and boring, this one transcends its incompetence, and presents the viewer with a spectacle of such consistent and unremitting low-quality, that one is left fighting for breath. You will be astounded that anyone capable of taking the lens cap off the camera could have considered this film worth making. This is definitely a film to be watched with many friends, and several beers.
The genre is "fantasy" of the swords and sorcery type. The plot is the usual: boy becomes wizard, joins a small party of heroes to defeat the local evil sorcerer-ruler. This is near enough the plot of all fantasy films. Powerful rulers who use magic are always evil. What sets this film apart from the tedious mass, though, is that it is enlivened throughout by jaw-droppingly abysmal dialogue, costumes, incidents and effects.
This film cannot be spoiled by "spoilers". Indeed, the only way to appreciate it is spot as many atrocious things in it as you can. Here I present some of the things to watch out for, and doubtless you and your ale-soaked friends will spot many more.
The pitiful shack in the middle of the woods, which on the inside looks like a studio set, and turns out to be the local tavern.
The bartender, clad in black, with a big ornate black sword on his back, who at first claims to be a "simple bartender" as he polishes a leather tankard, but who then starts a fight in his own tavern, before admitting that he is a "hero" (yes - that's actually the word they use!)
The villainous sorcerer, with the terrifying name of "Veneer" whose dialogue for almost all of the film consists entirely of demonic evil laughter. This man is pointlessly evil. For instance, he forbids his own population to drink from the well. WHY?
The appallingly-costumed guards around the well, who carry swords in their hands at all times, because they lack scabbards, and who fight with the speed of a pouncing limpet and the wit of kapok.
The well itself, which consists of a stone wall encircling some water. The water actually comes up to the rim of the well-head, suggesting that the local water-table is three feet above ground level.
The gladiators fighting inside an arena which is simply a high wooden fence enclosing a circle of ground. Why are they fighting? No one can see them.
The "hero" they happen across in the well-lit dungeon, who, on being freed from his bonds, finds his sword nearby on the floor. This man rescues three girls from a cell. These all look like cheer-leaders and all have shampooed and blow-dried hair, as well as zips up the backs of their dresses.
The fight between two monsters. Each is rather obviously a man in a costume. One clue is the bare arms revealed occasionally during the struggle, as the make-up doesn't go all the way up the actors' arms, and the sleeves of their shirts are rather short. Both monsters drop dead simultaneously, without a mark visible on either.
The moment when it is suggested that the heroes incite revolt. Immediately the scene cuts to some footage, very obviously taken from another film, of many people fighting each other apparently at random.
The shop which has a window, but no door. The "merchandise" is a few paltry things on the windowsill. Saving on building a door, the scene cuts to the interior.
The "secret passage" which is huge, easy to find, and leads straight into the dungeons of the villain's stronghold.
The moment when the villain has magically adhered some peoples' feet to the floor, and he gloats and walks not just to within easy punching distance of them, but actually between them, and within punching distance of both.
I have not seen Wizards of the Lost Kingdom, but it seems to be in a similar league of inspired dreadfulness. I believe that there was even a third in this series of films. I am agog at the brazen cheek of anyone who could commission a follow-up to this film with a straight face. If these films were commercially successful, it was not because their makers knew what they were doing.
I daresay I am very fond of B or even Z movies. Westerns, sci-fi,
horror, fantasy, you name it. I've seen quite a lot of movies ranging
from bad to very bad, with an occasional gem flirting with the
'execrable' mark. However, this thing was simply out of scale. It is
neither the gaping plot holes, pitiful lines, inept sets nor below 80's
D&D scenario storyline. I think it is the way all actors without
exception seemed not only bored but plainly ashamed of being
immortalized in such a lame show.
They are all, without exception, amazingly clumsy, slow, and boring. I still wonder what coaxed Carradine into this piece of junk - trouble with the IRS maybe ? But the worst disappointment came from the lame performance of Captain Spaulding, head of the unforgettable dysfunctional family of the house of 1000 corpses and the devil's rejects. Yes, this movie even managed to bore the flamboyant Z movie star Sid Haig into near-catatonia. Not a small feat in itself, if you like that sort of things.
Add a terribly annoying soundtrack with garbled voices and very loud out of sync "background" music (in all fairness that last bit could have been due to the appalling state of the venerable VHS tape) and you get something that managed to defeat my unusually high tolerance for *really* cheap movies.
Not even worth a rent unless you invest in enough booze to wash away this tedium.
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