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Santa Claus: The Movie (1985) Poster

Quotes

Cornelia: Merry Christmas, Uncle.

B.Z.: It certainly should be.

[B.Z. then makes an evil laugh]

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Santa Claus: Don't you know who I am?

Joe: Sure, you're a nut.

Santa Claus: I'm Santa Claus.

Joe: Right, and I'm the tooth fairy.

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Patch: Don't you believe in Santa Claus?

B.Z.: Why should I? He never brought me anything.

Patch: That's because you were probably a naughty boy.

B.Z.: Yes. I guess I was... no angel.

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Cornelia: You're burning up.

Joe: I'll be alright.

Cornelia: You stay out there and you'll be dead is what you'll be.

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[Towzer comments to B.Z. about the proposed puce lollipop]

Towzer: If this catches on, we can come out with a liquid version: puce juice.

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B.Z.: A sequel. That's it. We'll bring it out on March 25, and we'll call it... Christmas 2!

Patch: Christmas 2?

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[Towzer has revealed the dangers of the puce lollipop]

Towzer: B.Z., this stuff kills people.

B.Z.: Are you going soft on me?

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Santa Claus: How can I do so much in just one night?

Ancient Elf: Oh, yes, well know this: time travels with you. The night of the world is a passage of endless night for you, until your mission is done.

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Patch: You'll fix it so I can get on the telly... what's-it?

B.Z.: When?

Patch: Uh, Christmas Eve.

B.Z.: How long?

Patch: Is a minute all right?

B.Z.: Yeah. What channel?

Patch: [simply] Well all of them.

B.Z.: All of them?

Patch: Yeah.

B.Z.: Which country?

Patch: [simply] All of them.

B.Z.: [shocked] ALL of them?

Patch: [pleased] Yes! All the countries, all the channels!

B.Z.: [incredulous] That would cost a fortune!

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Towzer: The retailers are pulling our toys off the shelves so fast you'd think they're disease carriers.

B.Z.: Cowards.

Towzer: And an article in the Post said that anyone who gives his kid a B.Z. toy ought to have his head examined.

B.Z.: Swine! Cancel my subscription.

Towzer: We have to meet a payroll by the end of the month for 2,000 factor workers.

B.Z.: Commies!

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Ancient Elf: Now, all those within the sound of my voice, and all those on this Earth everywhere know that henceworth you will be called Santa Claus.

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Santa Claus: You have folks saying that Santa Claus only rewards the good little boys and girls.

Anya Claus: Isn't that how it should be?

Santa Claus: All right. Dooley, make up a list of who is naughty and nice.

Dooley: Yes, sir.

Santa Claus: And be careful. I'll be checking it twice.

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Joe: [after he gets his present from Santa] Did Cornie get anything?

[pauses]

Joe: The er... little girl.

Santa Claus: Oh? Are you two seeing a lot of each other?

Joe: Actually, yes.

[blushes quite a lot]

Joe: Actually.

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Santa Claus: Next Christmas, you and I will have a date.

Joe: Really?

Santa Claus: Santa Claus never lies, Joe.

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Anya Claus: [Dooley is reading Twas The Night Before Christmas] What is it?

Santa Claus: It's a poem. A poem about me. They say it's a big hit.

Dooley: He had a broad face, and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

Santa Claus: What was that? That last part.

Dooley: [reading with hesitation] He had a broad face.

Santa Claus: Yes. Go on.

Dooley: [continues reading with hesitation] And a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of...

Santa Claus: Jelly.

Dooley: It's... just a poem.

Santa Claus: [upset] Is that how they think I look?

Anya Claus: [struggling not to laugh] Well... The cookies.

Patch: It's the cookies.

[the other elves snicker]

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Santa Claus: Patch gone? Where will he go? What will he do? The world is no place for an elf.

Boog: The world's a nice enough place, isn't it?

Honka: I mean, they send such nice letters from there! It must be!

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B.Z.: FOR FREE?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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