Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)
Santa Claus: Don't you know who I am?
Joe: Sure, you're a nut.
Santa Claus: I'm Santa Claus.
Joe: Right, and I'm the tooth fairy.
Patch: Don't you believe in Santa Claus?
B.Z.: Why should I? He never brought me anything.
Patch: That's because you were probably a naughty boy.
B.Z.: Yes. I guess I was... no angel.
Cornelia: You're burning up.
Joe: I'll be alright.
Cornelia: You stay out there and you'll be dead is what you'll be.
[Towzer comments to B.Z. about the proposed puce lollipop]
Towzer: If this catches on, we can come out with a liquid version: puce juice.
B.Z.: A sequel. That's it. We'll bring it out on March 25, and we'll call it... Christmas 2!
Patch: Christmas 2?
[Towzer has revealed the dangers of the puce lollipop]
Towzer: B.Z., this stuff kills people.
B.Z.: Are you going soft on me?
Santa Claus: How can I do so much in just one night?
Ancient Elf: Oh, yes, well know this: time travels with you. The night of the world is a passage of endless night for you, until your mission is done.
Patch: You'll fix it so I can get on the telly... what's-it?
Patch: Uh, Christmas Eve.
B.Z.: How long?
Patch: Is a minute all right?
B.Z.: Yeah. What channel?
Patch: [simply] Well all of them.
B.Z.: All of them?
B.Z.: Which country?
Patch: [simply] All of them.
B.Z.: [shocked] ALL of them?
Patch: [pleased] Yes! All the countries, all the channels!
B.Z.: [incredulous] That would cost a fortune!
Towzer: The retailers are pulling our toys off the shelves so fast you'd think they're disease carriers.
Towzer: And an article in the Post said that anyone who gives his kid a B.Z. toy ought to have his head examined.
B.Z.: Swine! Cancel my subscription.
Towzer: We have to meet a payroll by the end of the month for 2,000 factor workers.
Ancient Elf: Now, all those within the sound of my voice, and all those on this Earth everywhere know that henceworth you will be called Santa Claus.
Santa Claus: You have folks saying that Santa Claus only rewards the good little boys and girls.
Anya Claus: Isn't that how it should be?
Santa Claus: All right. Dooley, make up a list of who is naughty and nice.
Dooley: Yes, sir.
Santa Claus: And be careful. I'll be checking it twice.
Joe: [after he gets his present from Santa] Did Cornie get anything?
Joe: The er... little girl.
Santa Claus: Oh? Are you two seeing a lot of each other?
Joe: Actually, yes.
[blushes quite a lot]
Santa Claus: Next Christmas, you and I will have a date.
Santa Claus: Santa Claus never lies, Joe.
Anya Claus: [Dooley is reading Twas The Night Before Christmas] What is it?
Santa Claus: It's a poem. A poem about me. They say it's a big hit.
Dooley: He had a broad face, and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
Santa Claus: What was that? That last part.
Dooley: [reading with hesitation] He had a broad face.
Santa Claus: Yes. Go on.
Dooley: [continues reading with hesitation] And a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of...
Santa Claus: Jelly.
Dooley: It's... just a poem.
Santa Claus: [upset] Is that how they think I look?
Anya Claus: [struggling not to laugh] Well... The cookies.
Patch: It's the cookies.
[the other elves snicker]
Santa Claus: Patch gone? Where will he go? What will he do? The world is no place for an elf.
Boog: The world's a nice enough place, isn't it?
Honka: I mean, they send such nice letters from there! It must be!