Once Bitten (1985)
Robin: Mark doesn't want you because you're mean and evil. He wants me because I am nice and sweet and pure, so *fuck off!*
Robin Pierce: I'm the owner of the pants you've been trying to get into for the past four years.
Countess: How many days left till Halloween, Sebastian?
Sebastian: Oh, a little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry.
Countess: Not to worry? How amusing. But then you're not the one who needs to have the virgin blood of a young man not once, but three times before All Hallows Eve. Not to worry? Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare!
Sebastian: Did we get up on the wrong side of the coffin this evening?
Robin Pierce: [emerging from a coffin, smirking] You're too late.
Countess: You couldn't have! You've been in there for less than a minute.
[Mark emerges from the coffin smirking]
Countess: [dejectedly] You could've...
[raises an eyebrow]
Countess: ...but you didn't have time to enjoy it.
Russ: Hi. I'm Russ, and I'm a Sagittarius. I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoi. Listen: I'm a mature person and you're a mature person, so why don't we just skip all the bullshit, get rid of our inhibitions, and DO what we really wanna DO?
Robin Pierce: Ow. You bit my lip.
Mark Kendall: I did?
Robin Pierce: Yeah.
Mark Kendall: Well you shouldn't be so sweet.
Mark Kendall: Oh, Robin, PLEASE?
Robin Pierce: Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times.
Mark Kendall: Half way through it a million times. It's what people do when they're in love! It's natural. It's right.
Robin Pierce: Well it's not natural or right for me to do it in a car.
Mark Kendall: What about an ice cream truck?
Ice-Cream Customer: Do you have a Creamsicle?
Mark Kendall: Take a hike! We're closed for renovations.
Mark Kendall: I don't want to be a vampire. I'm a *day* person.
Mark Kendall: What was that scene in the shower all about?
Russ: That's the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend?
Mark Kendall: Oh you're a big help, thanks a lot. Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could've asked me?
Jamie: Oh my God!
Russ: She told us to look!
Jamie: I knew it! I knew it, we enjoyed it!
Russ: Would you shut up? Just shut up!
Jamie: No that's it! We're homos! We're rump-rangers!
Robin: Could one of these lady vampires actually bite a guy? You know, like a teenage guy?
Bookseller: Well how old would he be?
Robin: Like, 18.
Bookseller: Well I seriously doubt it. You see the female vampire needs the blood of a virgin, and an 18-year-old boy would hardly be a virgin, now would he?
Robin: Well just hypothetically, what if he was a virgin?
Bookseller: Well then I think he has a lot bigger problems to worry about than female vampires.
Mark Kendall: Are you a prostitute?
Countess: I'm whatever you want me to be.
Mark Kendall: Good! 'Cause I only have five dollars!
Countess: Wait! I have to replace every door you people smash. Can't you at least try the knob first?
Sebastian: [Vampire in front tries the knob and it opens easily] Jocks.
Robin Pierce: I want to, I really do. But I want it to be special.
Countess: I haven't had anything this pure since the Vienna Boys' Choir hit town.
Russ: Tell us what happened, man! Blow by beautiful blow! Did you undress her slowly? Like first, revealing big lucious magoombas?
Jamie: Did she have any tattoos or scars or anything?
Mark Kendall: I told you I don't remember! If you guys are so interested in my sexual failures, why don't you go have a few of your own?
Robin Pierce: Oh Mark, I can't believe you're going to throw away our relationship on a one-night stand with a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons! But you did. You *really* did!
[takes ring off her finger]
Robin Pierce: You can have your damn ring back!
Mark Kendall: What am I supposed to do with it?
Robin Pierce: Use your imagination!
Jamie: This is terrible. I can't believe this happened.
Russ: Most humiliating experience of my life!
Jamie: This is awful. This is the suckiest thing that could ever happen! The whole school thinks we're... gay!
Russ: Don't be such a twerp! Our past histories speak for themselves. No one's going to think we're gay.
Jamie: I don't have a past history, okay? And neither do you! This is it. We might as well move in together and get his-and-his towels.
Russ: Hey who cares what those assholes think?
Russ: What were they doing in the showers in the first place?
Jamie: *They* were washing. *We* were enacting a prison rape scene.
Jamie: How'd you like to have your crotch set on fire?
Sebastian: [stepping back] Ooooh! Rough trade!