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Once Bitten (1985) Poster

(1985)

Quotes

Robin: Mark doesn't want you because you're mean and evil. He wants me because I am nice and sweet and pure, so *fuck off!*

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Robin Pierce: I'm the owner of the pants you've been trying to get into for the past four years.

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Countess: How many days left till Halloween, Sebastian?

Sebastian: Oh, a little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry.

Countess: Not to worry? How amusing. But then you're not the one who needs to have the virgin blood of a young man not once, but three times before All Hallows Eve. Not to worry? Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare!

Sebastian: Did we get up on the wrong side of the coffin this evening?

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Robin Pierce: [emerging from a coffin, smirking] You're too late.

Countess: You couldn't have! You've been in there for less than a minute.

[Mark emerges from the coffin smirking]

Countess: [dejectedly] You could've...

[raises an eyebrow]

Countess: ...but you didn't have time to enjoy it.

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Russ: Hi. I'm Russ, and I'm a Sagittarius. I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoi. Listen: I'm a mature person and you're a mature person, so why don't we just skip all the bullshit, get rid of our inhibitions, and DO what we really wanna DO?

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Robin Pierce: Ow. You bit my lip.

Mark Kendall: I did?

Robin Pierce: Yeah.

Mark Kendall: Well you shouldn't be so sweet.

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Mark Kendall: Oh, Robin, PLEASE?

Robin Pierce: Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times.

Mark Kendall: Half way through it a million times. It's what people do when they're in love! It's natural. It's right.

Robin Pierce: Well it's not natural or right for me to do it in a car.

Mark Kendall: What about an ice cream truck?

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Ice-Cream Customer: Do you have a Creamsicle?

Mark Kendall: Take a hike! We're closed for renovations.

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Mark Kendall: I don't want to be a vampire. I'm a *day* person.

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Mark Kendall: What was that scene in the shower all about?

Russ: That's the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend?

Mark Kendall: Oh you're a big help, thanks a lot. Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could've asked me?

Jamie: Oh my God!

Russ: She told us to look!

Jamie: I knew it! I knew it, we enjoyed it!

Russ: Would you shut up? Just shut up!

Jamie: No that's it! We're homos! We're rump-rangers!

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Robin: Could one of these lady vampires actually bite a guy? You know, like a teenage guy?

Bookseller: Well how old would he be?

Robin: Like, 18.

Bookseller: Well I seriously doubt it. You see the female vampire needs the blood of a virgin, and an 18-year-old boy would hardly be a virgin, now would he?

Robin: Well just hypothetically, what if he was a virgin?

Bookseller: Well then I think he has a lot bigger problems to worry about than female vampires.

[chuckles]

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Mark Kendall: Are you a prostitute?

Countess: I'm whatever you want me to be.

Mark Kendall: Good! 'Cause I only have five dollars!

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Countess: Wait! I have to replace every door you people smash. Can't you at least try the knob first?

Sebastian: [Vampire in front tries the knob and it opens easily] Jocks.

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[repeated line]

Mark Kendall: I'm not a vampire

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Mark Kendall: Get me outta here.

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Robin Pierce: I want to, I really do. But I want it to be special.

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Countess: Hello, tall, dark and handsome.

Mark Kendall: Me?

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Countess: I haven't had anything this pure since the Vienna Boys' Choir hit town.

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Mark Kendall: It finally happened. Did I enjoy it?

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Russ: Tell us what happened, man! Blow by beautiful blow! Did you undress her slowly? Like first, revealing big lucious magoombas?

Jamie: Did she have any tattoos or scars or anything?

Mark Kendall: I told you I don't remember! If you guys are so interested in my sexual failures, why don't you go have a few of your own?

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Robin Pierce: Oh Mark, I can't believe you're going to throw away our relationship on a one-night stand with a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons! But you did. You *really* did!

[takes ring off her finger]

Robin Pierce: You can have your damn ring back!

Mark Kendall: What am I supposed to do with it?

Robin Pierce: Use your imagination!

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Jamie: This is terrible. I can't believe this happened.

Russ: Most humiliating experience of my life!

Jamie: This is awful. This is the suckiest thing that could ever happen! The whole school thinks we're... gay!

Russ: Don't be such a twerp! Our past histories speak for themselves. No one's going to think we're gay.

Jamie: I don't have a past history, okay? And neither do you! This is it. We might as well move in together and get his-and-his towels.

Russ: Hey who cares what those assholes think?

[pause]

Russ: What were they doing in the showers in the first place?

Jamie: *They* were washing. *We* were enacting a prison rape scene.

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Jamie: How'd you like to have your crotch set on fire?

Sebastian: [stepping back] Ooooh! Rough trade!

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Mark Kendall: Please don't bite my buttons.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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