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National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985) Poster

Quotes

Rusty Griswold: [watching the romantic couple make out at the table] Dad he's grabbing her tits right there at the table!

Clark Griswold: Just eat your breakfast, Russ.

Rusty Griswold: [Rusty still watching the couple] ... Dad, I think he's gonna pork her.

Clark Griswold: He's not gonna pork her, Russ.

Rusty Griswold: I think he's gonna.

Clark Griswold: He may pork her, finish your breakfast.

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[in Germany, Clark peers down at a village in the hills and tears come to his eyes]

Clark Griswold: There it is, kids, my motherland.

Rusty Griswold: Dad, Grandma's from Chicago.

Clark Griswold: Shut up, Russ.

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Rusty Griswold: Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do?

Clark Griswold: That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.

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Clark Griswold: [Clark is driving around Lambeth Bridge Roundabout in London, England, and is unable to turn to the left] Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament... again.

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Claudia: Those bells haven't rung in years.

Rusty Griswold: What do they mean?

Claudia: They're going to hang someone!

Rusty Griswold: [thinks for a moment, then] DAD!

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Stewardess: Do you want something to drink?

Clark Griswold: [to Ellen] Honey, you want something?

Ellen Griswold: No thank you.

Clark Griswold: [to the Stewardess] I'll have a Coke.

Stewardess: Do you want that in the can?

Clark Griswold: [Clark turns and looks at the bathroom, then turns back at the Stewardess] No, I'll have it right here.

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Clark Griswold: There's Buckingham Palace, kids. That's where the Queen lives and works.

Audrey Griswold: Works? What does she do, Dad?

Clark Griswold: She queens... and vacuums.

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[From the dinner scene with Helga and Fritz. This line was not Translated and Subtitled]

Fritz Spritz: Isn't that Herman's children?

Helga Spritz: Herman never had kids.

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Hotel Manager: [Speaking very quickly in a heavy English accent] You're scuppered mate, this place is full of macaroons, of course I could get on the dog and bone and call my friend down White Chapel way.

[Clark is unable to understand what the Hotel Manager is saying, so he begins using a handheld translation device]

Rusty Griswold: Dad, he's speaking English.

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Audrey Griswold: [after seeing the large German sausage dish served by Helga] ... God, I miss Jack.

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Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': What are the pyramidal tracks?

Clark Griswold: [thinking] ... Kent, I believe the pyramidal tracks are housing development outside of Cairo.

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Rusty Griswold: Oink oink, my good man!

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Rusty Griswold: [after Audrey collapses on a French museums steps] Great, are you happy now Dad? She's dead!

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[In Germany, Clark is looking for their relatives house]

Clark Griswold: What are we looking for?

Audrey Griswold: Sechs, Dad.

[Pronounces it as "Sex"]

Clark Griswold: That'll do Audrey.

Rusty Griswold: Dad, that's German for six.

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[In England]

Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're driving on the wrong side of the road!

Clark Griswold: I realize that honey. I'm also on the wrong side of the car.

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Clark Griswold: [singing] Oh the hills are alive with the sound of Griswold/this shit's been around for a very long time./I'm feeling so high, I just can't stand it/It's as if I've been here for at least a week.

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Ellen Griswold: Look back there!

Clark Griswold: Yeah, it's just a hooker. They're all over the place.

Ellen Griswold: Look who she's with!

[Clark looks back, and sees that Rusty is with the hooker]

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Rusty Griswold: [comes in the room while Clark is brushing his teeth in a bowl] ... Hey, Dad, look. Bed pans!

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Jack: [Audrey is reading Jack's letter] Dear Audrey, I miss the shit out of you. Luckily, Debbie is been coming by to cheer me up.

Audrey Griswold: That bitch!

Ellen Griswold: Something that matter, Audrey?

Audrey Griswold: No.

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[In England, Rusty sees a young man with a punk Mohawk haircut]

Rusty Griswold: That's it! That's it! That's the way I want my haircut, Dad!

Clark Griswold: Rusty, you don't want to look like a rooster do you?

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Clark Griswold: There's the Left Bank, kids. Russ, I bet you can't guess what bank is on the right.

Rusty Griswold: The Bank of America.

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[Rusty and his California Girl join the rest of the family as they chase Ellen's kidnapper]

Clark Griswold: Get in.

Rusty Griswold: What Happened?

Audrey Griswold: Oh, not much. Mom's been kidnapped.

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Ellen Griswold: Clark, why don't we just forget the "Pig-in-a-Poke" itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people?

Clark Griswold: Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswolds.

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[Repeated line]

Audrey Griswold: God, I miss Jack!

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Ellen Griswold: [In their hotel room in England, Ellen opens a door, only to find a closet, and discovering there is no bathroom] Clark, there's no bathroom.

Clark Griswold: Of course there's a bathroom. Europeans go to the bathroom, don't they?

[Clark opens the door to his left to find another closet with a mattress inside]

Clark Griswold: Maybe they don't.

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Hotel Desk Clerk: [looking at the Griswolds passports with laughter] ... Typical American assholes.

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[last lines]

Rusty Griswold: ...Yep, the Griswolds are back.

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Ellen Griswold: [dead silence as no-one is answering the final question] ... Clark!

Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': That's it. Clark... of Lewis and Clark. And the Griswold's are our grand prize winners!

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Jack: [voice over in letter] I miss the shit outta you.

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Cafe Waiter: [to Clark in French] Go fuck yourself.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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