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Just One of the Guys (1985) Poster

Quotes

[Terry kisses Rick in front of everybody at the prom]

Rick: [Rick pushes Terry off him and responds] It's okay, everybody. It's all right. He has tits.

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[Terry asks for Buddy's help with Sandy up in his bedroom]

Terry: Listen, there's a half-naked woman in your bedroom feeding pizza to some fish, and she's all yours.

Buddy: Sounds too kinky for me.

Terry: [Terry grabs a hold of Buddy by the arms] Budster, I need you. She needs you. You need her.

Buddy: [Buddy looks up the stairs] Is she really half-naked?

Terry: Maybe more by now.

Buddy: What if you're lying?

Terry: What if I'm not?

Buddy: Good point. If I'm not back in a week, forward my mail.

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[Buddy answers the telephone in front of Terry and begins cursing out in profanity]

Buddy: [Buddy talks on the phone] Hello? Hey, yo, scumbag! Hey, suck your own. Eat me. Hey, same to you, buttface!

Buddy: [Terry stares at Buddy in bewilderment as he hangs up starting to walk off] Mom says 'hi.'

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[Terry opens her tuxedo shirt and reveals her breasts to Rick]

Rick: Wait a minute, are those what I think they are?

Terry: I'm sorry.

Rick: [Rick raises his voice in disbelief] Where do you get off having tits?

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[Buddy tries to talk Terry out of her first thought of wanting to be a guy]

Terry: Sometimes I just wish I were a guy.

Buddy: No, you don't. The male body needs sex at all times. It's a living hell.

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[Buddy teaches Terry how to scratch her balls]

Buddy: Very crucial. Something every guy does. Let me see you scratch your balls.

Buddy: [Terry rolls her eyes at Buddy] Hey, come on, try it.

Buddy: [Terry scratches her jeans] Wait a minute. Watch the master. Now first, there's your basic shift.

Buddy: [Buddy shifts his body with his balls] But that's not always enough. Sometimes you've got to get inside, dig a little, let some air in, move things around.

Terry: Yeah, well, maybe my balls don't itch.

Buddy: All balls itch. It's a fact!

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[Terry asks Buddy how she looks dressed in a tuxedo]

Terry: How do I look?

Buddy: [Buddy doesn't look] Dashing.

Terry: My zipper's open.

Buddy: That was the dashing part.

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[Buddy sarcastically responds to Terry's serious sex question]

Terry: Can't you think of anything more profound than getting laid?

Buddy: A blowjob?

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[Terry tries to comfort Buddy about sex not being a big deal]

Terry: Listen, sex is not that big a deal.

Buddy: I'd like to form my own opinion.

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[Terry walks in on Buddy making out with Sandy in his bed]

Terry: Whoops!

Buddy: Hey, no problem. Just a couple of nice, clean all-American kids experimenting with sex.

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[Terry tries to tell Buddy that wouldn't he want to have sex with someone he'll love]

Buddy: I'm 15 years old. In two years, I reach the peak of my sexual powers. The clock is ticking. I have to get jamming.

Terry: Can't you hear what you're saying? Aren't you a little embarrassed?

Buddy: Nope. I'm horny. Horny will kick embarrassment's ass every time.

Terry: [Terry puts her hands on Buddy's shoulders] Budster, listen to me. Don't you want your first time to be with someone you love?

Buddy: [Buddy with a smile on his face, whispers] I guarantee it, I'll be in love.

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[Rick gets on the table in the high school cafeteria to make an announcement]

Rick: Um, excuse me. Could I have your attention please? Your attention? Every day at lunch, we get a very special treat from a very special guy. A guy who has dedicated his life to building his body, pushing his muscles to the very limits of human endurance. Why, you ask? Why? Well, to be strong enough to lift tables and spill food, Greg Tolan!

Rick: [everyone starts cheering and clapping with Rick] Whoa, wait. Let's take a moment to find out a little bit about the man behind the mess. Greg! May I call you Greg? Now, tell us, Greg, how did you get into spilling food, huh? Were you a messy baby? Did you hate your strained peas? Well, you know, how most psychologists tell us that guys, well, they get into body building to compensate for either a lack of IQ, or a small weenie. Which is it, Greg? Well, those of us in Greg's gym class certainly know the answer to that one.

Greg Tolan: [Greg makes the image of a penis with his pinky finger] I'm going to beat the shit out of you, Morehouse!

Deborah: [Deborah tries to keep Greg back] Greg, please!

Rick: Hey, isn't he great? Muscles and a sense of humor. Well, let's thank Greg for the many lunchtime thrills and spills he's given us. All right everybody, up! Come on, everybody up! Grab an end of your table!

Rick: [the kids in the cafeteria go to an end of their table] A tribute to you, Greg. Lift!

Rick: [everybody in the cafeteria lifts their table, spilling food, including spilling their food on Greg's feet] We love you, Greg!

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[Buddy talks to Terry in her disguise as Rick listens in]

Terry: Bud, what do you want?

Buddy: Guess who came by to pick you up for school this morning? Your true love. Kevina.

Buddy: [Rick looks at Terry] Kevina was very upset that you left without her. You know how she worships your rippling muscles and your hairy chest. Terry is such a stallion. Go on, show him your hairy chest.

Terry: Buddy!

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[Denise dances with Terry at the prom]

Denise: I'm having such a good time. No one here knows I used to be fat.

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[after the melee in the cafeteria, Greg starts to go after Rick before Deborah stops him]

Deborah: Come on Greg, Greg. Lighten up. It was a joke. People laughed. Let it slide.

Greg Tolan: Stay out of this, Deborah.

Deborah: I'm getting real bored watching you push people around.

Greg Tolan: Yeah? Well, stick around 'cause it's gonna get real exciting.

Deborah: [Deborah grabs Greg's arm] You know, Terry was right. You are an asshole.

Greg Tolan: That asshole called me an asshole?

Deborah: Oh, now you want to beat him up too, right?

Greg Tolan: [Greg sarcastically responds] No, I wanna buy him an ice cream!

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[Terry storms into Buddy's room upset with men and sex]

Terry: All men care about is sex!

Buddy: I resent that.

[Terry sees the Playboy posters Buddy just hung up]

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[Buddy talks to himself after seeing Terry dressed up looking like a guy]

Buddy: This morning I knew her. I talked to her. She screamed at me. Everything was great. Now she's wearing my clothes.

Buddy: [Buddy yells at Terry] Hey, who do think you are, Tootsie?

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[Rick and Terry talk in the boys' bathroom as Rick takes a leak unexpectedly]

Terry: What are you doing?

Rick: [Rick talks with his back to Terry] What's it look like I'm doing?

Terry: Well, do you have to do that in here?

Rick: Seemed like the right time, certainly the right place.

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[Terry pumps up Rick to get back at Greg Tolan]

Terry: Oh, man, I've had it with that jerk. You want to know about Greg Tolan? I'll tell you about Greg Tolan. Greg Tolan is toast. He can't get away with this. We've got to get him back.

Rick: We and what army?

Terry: No violence. No need to sink to his level. You see, we have somethig that Greg Tolan will never have. Intelligence.

Rick: [Rick snaps his finger] You know, you're right. I mean, we're smart. Okay, Terry. What do we do?

Terry: I don't know.

Rick: Me neither.

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[Buddy miserably lays on the couch for not having any sex in two weeks]

Terry: Budmeister, are you okay?

Buddy: No, Terry, I'm not. Mom and Dad come home Monday. I've had two weeks of total freedom. The closest that I've come to sex was a girl who took her top off to seduce my sister. What's wrong with me?

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[Buddy tries to make Terry smile by giving her his advice]

Buddy: Terry, it's summer. Smile.

Terry: My face hurts when I smile.

Buddy: Listen to me, oh, sister of my loins, I've got a driver's license and a sex life. You've got the job of your dreams, and a chauffeur. Life is sweet. Let's get an ice cream.

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[Terry tells Denise she was in the boys' locker room because they all believed she was a guy]

Terry: I can't give up! And today was a disaster, and I was a major geek, but they all thought I was a guy. I was in the boys' locker room!

Denise: You were?

Terry: Yes!

Denise: And they were?

Terry: Yes!

Denise: Can I be your younger brother?

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[Terry lays in bed moping about her article not being that great]

Terry: I know I could do better. I'm just confused.

Buddy: Of course you're confused. You're wearing my underwear.

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[Buddy tells Terry that he's had sex before]

Buddy: Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had lots of sex. Just that now I want to try it with a partner.

[Buddy looks to the side at Terry's friend Denise]

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[Terry stands next to Rick complimenting his new look]

Terry: [Terry combs her hand in Rick's hair] It's just that you looked so nice today. You were perfect.

[as Rick turns his head and stares at Terry]

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[after Greg fights with Terry, Buddy jumps on Greg Tolan's back]

Greg Tolan: Shit, where'd these guys learn to fight?

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[Buddy wallows in misery just thinking about not having any sex]

Buddy: [as he talks to Terry] I know this place that delivers. 'Massage Delight' or something. Can I borrow $200?

Terry: Buddy, why don't you just call the guys and go to the mall?

Buddy: [Buddy hangs his hand over his head] I'd rather wallow in my virginity.

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[Buddy tells Denise in the cafeteria about his parents being gone]

Buddy: Our parents are gone for two weeks. You know what that means? Their king-sized bed is empty. Well, what do you think?

Denise: I think if you and I were the last man and woman on Earth, the human race would die out.

Buddy: [Buddy smiles] You want time to think it over. I understand.

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[Terry argues with Mr. Raymaker about not winning the job working for the Sun-Tribune]

Terry: I am going to be a reporter.

Mr. Raymaker: That's good. I like that attitude. But don't you think that it would be nice to have something to fall back on?

Terry: Like what?

Mr. Raymaker: Uh, well, you're a pretty girl, you could be a model.

Terry: Be a model? Why? Because a pretty girl couldn't possibly have a brain?

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[Buddy tells Terry how he would use a woman's body]

Terry: Come on, Buddy, admit it. You would love to spend your entire life just using women's bodies.

Buddy: Yeah, all but the last 60 seconds.

Buddy: [Buddy lays his Playboy magazine down and smiles at the air] I'd like a little time to reminisce.

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[Buddy tells Terry a woman has the freedom to be as sick and perverted as a guy]

Terry: I mean, it's as if women's lib never existed.

Buddy: Today's woman has the freedom to be as sick and perverted as us guys.

Terry: Oh, that's wonderful. I mean, I write an excellent article, and just because I'm cute, no one takes me seriously. It's not fair.

Buddy: And yet somehow you find the courage to go on living. You've got guts.

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[Terry teaches Buddy to stuff a sock in his pants]

Terry: Well, maybe this would help.

Terry: [Terry looks at the bulge in her jeans in front of the mirror] Not bad.

Buddy: [Buddy stands next to her looking at his bulge in the mirror] Shit. Maybe I should try that.

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[Buddy teaches Terry how to walk like a guy]

Buddy: Okay. Let's see you walk.

Buddy: [Terry walks like a girl] Hold it. Look. You got balls now. Use 'em.

Buddy: [Buddy walks and talks like a guy for a demonstration] Say, baby, what's happening? I'm a lean, mean, sex machine, and that be the way it is.

Terry: [as Terry imitates Buddy] 'Say, baby, what's happening? I'm a lean, mean, sex machine, and that be the way it is.'

Buddy: [Buddy chuckles] I think you'll pass as long as you don't move.

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[Coach Morrison yells at the gym class for whoever started the fire, before seeing Sherpico's horned lizard]

Coach Mickey Morrison: We have a saboteur in our gym class. A real scum! A nimrod! Whoever started that fire... is a human gutterball! A zero! Sherpico, how many times have I told you no creatures in my gym class.

Reptile: I couldn't help it, coach. If I left him in the locker the alligators would eat him.

Coach Mickey Morrison: You get rid of him, or I'll get rid of him.

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[Denise sits with Terry in her bed and tries to cheer her up]

Denise: Terry, I hate when you're depressed. I mean, if you're this upset over your life, I should be suicidal.

Denise: [Denise sees the roses on Terry's bedroom table] I mean, look what Kevin sent you. I'd do anything to come home and find roses.

Buddy: [Buddy holds a single rose staring up at the ceiling] Can we define the word anything?

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[Terry helps Deborah with advice to hold the back of her earring on]

Deborah: It's driving me crazy. I looked everywhere, I can't find the back of my earring. What am I suppose to do? Walk around all day with one earring? That is so punk.

Terry: Listen, all you got to do is break the eraser off a pencil. And you can use it to hold your earring on. Should get you through the day.

Deborah: [Deborah smiles as Terry walks away] Oh, thanks.

Terry: [Terry freezes before turning around with a smile] I have sisters.

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[Terry sits across Harold Sherpico in the school cafeteria]

Terry: Hi, uh, I'm Terry Griffith.

Reptile: Oh, hi, I'm Harold 'Reptile' Sherpico. It's time to feed Snowball his lunch.

Terry: [Terry sees a little mouse] Oh, Snowball. He's cute.

Reptile: Oh, that's not Snowball. This is Snowball.

Reptile: [Sherpico takes off an albino snake from his neck, pointing to the mouse] That's lunch. They don't make snake chow.

Terry: [Terry gets up to walk away] It was very nice meeting you.

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[Sandy talks to her friend in the cafeteria while looking at Terry from a distance]

Sandy: Look! What a fox. Dresses like Elvis Costello, looks like 'The Karate Kid.' I'm going to get him.

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[Linda tries to leave the house as Buddy begs for her to not go]

Linda: [Linda nervously gets up to leave] Bye.

Buddy: [Buddy starts to crawl on his knees] Linda, wait. For God's sake, I vacuumed, Linda!

Linda: Buddy, you're a nice guy.

Buddy: No, not a nice guy. That's the kiss of death!

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[Terry and Buddy crawl up the stairs on their hands and knees after they're both rejected]

Buddy: [about Linda] That girl had incredible self-control.

Terry: Kevin hates me. Rick hates me. Everybody hates me except Sandy.

Buddy: Oh, yeah, how'd it go? Did you get laid?

Terry: [Terry turns her head to Buddy] I bet I came closer than you.

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[Buddy talks to his Mom on the phone as Terry sits beside him with a bad hangover]

Buddy: Not much has been happening, Ma. Yeah, I did pretty good on my history test. Terry's become a transsexual. Yeah, she's starting to grow hair on her chest. Yeah, just a second. Hey, Mom wants to talk to you.

Terry: No, no.

Buddy: Uh, she can't talk mom. The doctors have advised her not to speak. Something hormonal and vocal.

[as Terry hangs her head at Buddy]

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[Denise finally agrees with taking Terry to the prom]

Terry: Denise... Just say you'll go to the prom with me.

Denise: I'll go to the prom with you.

Terry: [Terry hugs Denise] Oh, thank you.

Denise: [Denise doesn't hug her back] I want a limo. And you can't tell anyone, not my friends, not my parents, no one. Deal?

Terry: Look, I'm not proud of this either.

Denise: God, look how low I've sunk, and you know what's really sad, you're the best date I've had in weeks.

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[Sandy walks into Buddy's room thinking it's Terry's room]

Sandy: [Sandy sees all of the nude Playboy photos on the walls] Wow. Like this is where you sleep? Do your homework.

Terry: Yeah, well, uh... I like pictures of people.

Buddy: [Buddy from the doorway] Terry loves tits and ass.

Terry: These women aren't just tits and ass. Kim reads Vonnegut... and Louann... Louann despises toxic waste.

Buddy: Don't let him fool you. Hard-core sex maniac.

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[Sandy feeds the fish pizza in the fish bowl]

Sandy: [Sandy drops some crumbs in] Do you guys like pizza?

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[Terry tries to tell Rick that she's a girl]

Rick: [Rick chuckles] Yeah. Big night, huh?

Terry: I bet you're a little confused.

Rick: I think I understand.

Terry: I know I should've told you sooner, but, uh... I didn't. Um... I'm a...

Rick: [Rick cuts her off] Terry, I know. You're gay.

Terry: [Terry frowns] I'm not gay.

Rick: [Rick hesitates looking back towards Kevin] Wait a minute. Now I'm confused.

Terry: I'm a girl. I'm a woman.

Rick: [Rick chuckles] Right, and I'm Cindi Lauper.

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[Terry tries to apologize to Rick for lying to him about being a guy]

Terry: There was this contest, and I needed prove it, but then I stayed and I met you. And you're so wonderful that...

Rick: Shit... I can't believe this.

Terry: Rick, I know you're mad, but I think you're terrific, and your friendship means so much to me that I just...

Rick: Then this whole thing was bullshit. Major bullshit.

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[Sandy and Buddy talk together while at the prom party]

Sandy: So, how's the fish?

Buddy: Great. I put a frogman in the bowl. And you know what? They really do love pizza.

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[Terry tries to talk to Buddy as he's making out with Sandy in his bed]

Terry: You know, my voyage of self-discovery has ended in despair.

Buddy: Hey, that's so interesting, really. Can you shut the light off please?

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[Mr. Raymaker apologizes to Terry after reading her article]

Mr. Raymaker: I'm sorry I misjudged you.

Terry: You don't have to apologize. I wouldn't have this job if it weren't for you. I mean, you forced me to fight for what I wanted, and I will never forget you for that.

Mr. Raymaker: [Mr. Raymaker smiles] Thank you.

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[Rick and Terry tell each other they still have feelings for one another]

Terry: I thought you hated me.

Rick: I missed you. I read your article. Do you, uh... Still feel the same way about me?

Terry: Yeah, I guess I do.

[as Rick smiles and Terry blushes]

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[Rick finishes beating up Greg, quoting to Greg his own favorite line to say]

Rick: 'No pain, no gain!'

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[Terry asks Denise to take her to the prom]

Terry: Will you go to the prom with me?

Denise: [Denise stares at Terry] You are so sexually confused.

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[Deborah thanks Terry in the cafeteria for help fixing her earring]

Deborah: Excuse me! Hi. Thanks. It worked great.

Deborah: [Deborah then tells Greg] He knew how to fix my earring.

Greg Tolan: That's 'cause he's a little tulip!

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[Buddy questions Terry about what she's doing hanging around Rick and not doing her research]

Terry: I'm just seeing Sandy for Rick.

Buddy: For Rick? What happened to research?

Terry: Well, that's what I meant.

Buddy: So for research, you're willing to toy with this poor girl's emotions? All you transvestites are alike. You disgust me.

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[first lines]

Denise: [Terry's best friend Denise interrupts Terry in her writing class] Terry...

Terry: Denise, why aren't you in Science?

Denise: They're showing a film strip. Everyone left. I have to talk to you.

Terry: [Terry scoffs] Denise, I'm really into this article.

Denise: I know, but I need your advice and you are my best friend. And I tried to deal with this myself, okay, and I'm really stressed out. Three guys want to take me out Saturday night and I'm not too thrilled about any of them, but I think I should go out with someone in case I don't have a real boyfriend by the prom.

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[Denise tells Terry which three guys want to take her out Saturday night]

Denise: Bruce Schulmann. Edward Zink. And Roger Gibbler.

Terry: [Terry rolls her eyes] This is serious.

Denise: I know.

Terry: [Terry smiles] All right, on a scale of lame to cute, who rates the least low.

Denise: They're all lame. Put Roger in a Rent-a-Tux, he might move up to semi-lame.

Terry: Okay, forget the looks. Who's got the hottest car?

Denise: A Pinto, Dad's Skylark, and a Schwinn.

Terry: Looks like you're going to have to skip the prom.

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[Denise gets asked out by the fourth guy, by the freshman]

Freshman: Hi, Denise. Are you busy Saturday night?

Denise: Sorry.

Denise: [Denise holds her hand up, whispering to Terry] Four!

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[the freshman student asks Mr. Raymaker a question during class]

Freshman: Mr. Raymaker, Mr. Vino, the driver's ed. teacher, just ran over a dog. Should I take a photographer over?

Mr. Raymaker: [Mr. Raymaker walks off with his head down] No.

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[the two cool guys walk through the cafeteria saying hi to Terry but then ignore Denise]

Cool Guy #1: What's up, Terry?

Cool Guy #2: How it's going, Terry?

Terry: Hi, guys.

Denise: Hi, guys. Bye... Guys. Am I invisible?

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[Buddy sits beside Denise wrapping his arm around her]

Buddy: You are so hot!

Denise: Buddy.

Denise: [Denise slowly takes Buddy's arm off] I just ate.

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[Buddy tells his sister that she needs to throw a slumber party with her friends]

Buddy: I have two words for you. Slumber party. We'll invite every girl you know. Tall, short, loose, easy... I'll be the bartender. They can use my bedroom, they can use my body. I want to help.

Terry: You want to molest my friends.

Terry: [Buddy smiles shaking his head up and down] Forget it!

Buddy: Why? You'll have a party. And I'll...

[Buddy mimics the sound of an orgasm in front of Terry and Denise]

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[Buddy looks at the picture of a Playboy magazine when the doorbell rings]

Buddy: Always when I'm busy!

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[Buddy makes Kevin wait outside the front door to their house before answering it]

Buddy: [Buddy opens the front door] She's in the pool.

Kevin: What took you so long?

Buddy: I knew it was you.

Kevin: I keep forgetting how young you are.

Buddy: [after Kevin walks in Buddy looks at Kevin's Porsche outside] What a waste of a sports car.

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[Kevin tells Terry a story to make Terry feel better about not becoming a reporter]

Kevin: Can I tell you a little story? When I was a kid, I was, I was obsessed with being a fireman. I'd set little fires in the backyard, and I practiced putting them out. Then one day, when... I was 12, I learned I could never be a fireman.

Terry: Why, what happened?

Kevin: I found out how much money they make. Pitiful!

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[Buddy defends his theory on the naked Playboy photos he has up on his walls]

Buddy: Big improvement, huh? The room needed something.

Terry: Your room is why my life is totally screwed up. You guys think beautiful women are nothing but decoration. Total airheads.

Buddy: [Buddy smiles up at the air] Hey, not me. These women have my deepest respect.

Terry: For showing their boobs?

Buddy: And for their minds. It just so happens that Kim here reads Vonnegut in her bubble bath, and Louann has dedicated her centerfold to help clean up toxic waste. And the only reason Barbara does her physics homework buck-naked is 'cause that library is hot.

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[Terry fakes out Buddy when she first disguises herself as a guy]

Buddy: [Buddy talks to himself before answering the front doorbell] What are the odds of this being a homeless nymphomaniac?

Terry: [Terry outside] Is your sister home?

Buddy: Yeah.

Buddy: [Buddy yells up to Terry's room] Terry, you got company.

[when Buddy turns back to see Terry smiling outside]

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[Buddy teaches Terry how to stand like a guy]

Buddy: Okay. Well, uh... Look how you're standing. I mean, drop your hands. Okay, now stick your hip in. All right, now move your feet out.

Buddy: [Buddy smiles] Hey. Guys take up space.

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[Buddy jokes about Terry becoming a guy]

Terry: I'm going to do it. I'm going to take that article to Sturgis-Wilder, and I'm going to submit it as a guy.

Buddy: Hey, it makes perfect sense. You got a problem, you get in drag.

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[Terry talks to her first student on her first day]

Terry: Hey, how you doing?

Terry: [the student keeps walking pass Terry as she talks to his back] We'll talk more later.

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[Terry meets Greg Tolan for the first time]

Greg Tolan: Who invited you?

Terry: Uh, I'm new here.

Greg Tolan: Just what we need, another pussy.

Terry: As strong as an Ox and almost as smart.

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[Rick helps Terry out of the bushes on her first day]

Terry: Great bunch of guys.

Rick: I see you met Greg Tolan. He kinda runs the school. I'm Rick Moorehouse. Try not to get us confused.

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[the English teacher questions Willie and Phil about not doing their homework]

English Teacher: Willie, will you give us a synopsis of 'Catcher in the Rye'?

Willie: [Willie first speaks in his alien language] 'Catcher in the Rye', a novel written by the Earthling Salinger that every adolescent Homo Sapien in America is forced to read.

English Teacher: You didn't read it, did you?

Willie: Our mission on your planet is to study human behavioral patterns.

Phil: Last night, we simulated a daily teenage ritual, homework avoidance. We consumed large quantities of fermented hops and were transformed into degenerate party animal head bangers.

[Willie laughs in his alien language]

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[the English teacher gives Willie and Phil a hard time about not reading Catcher in the Rye]

English Teacher: I don't care what planet you two are from, you've been pulling this routine for three years. You'll be here another year if you don't straighten out. I want that homework now!

Willie: The Earth woman seems so tense. Irritable. Too much coffee.

Phil: Not enough sex.

[as the two continue to talk in their alien language]

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[Terry meets the gym teacher Coach Morrison]

Terry: [as Terry comments on his bowling shirt] Bowling, uh, great game.

Coach Mickey Morrison: The greatest. But it's more than a game, it's the ultimate challenge. One man, one ball, 10 pins.

Terry: 10 frames, too.

Coach Mickey Morrison: Exactly!

Terry: Uh, you see coach, um, I just transferred here from another school, so I don't have my gym clothes yet, so I guess I'll just go to Study Hall.

Coach Mickey Morrison: Hold it! Everyone dresses for my Gym class. Everyone.

Terry: Great.

Coach Mickey Morrison: [the Coach holds up a jock strap to Terry] I have surprise jock inspections three times a week. A word to the wise... wear it.

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[Terry sees Willie and Phil sitting side-by-side together next to the gym locker rooms]

Willie: Phil. Phil.

Phil: Oh, Willie.

Willie: I hate gym.

Phil: I really hate Gym.

Willie: I really hate gym, a lot.

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[the new kid from the locker room shows Terry something spreading on his penis]

Boy in Locker Room: [holding open his underwear] Oh, it's spreading. Have you ever seen anything like this?

Terry: [Terry looks before rolling her eyes] Never.

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[Terry fakes a stomach pain to get out of gym class]

Coach Mickey Morrison: [Terry groans from the ground] Got a problem, son?

Terry: Oh, stomach, shooting pains. I ate in the cafeteria.

Coach Mickey Morrison: Come on! Tough it out! When life rolls you a 7-10 split, what do you do?

Terry: Go to the nurse?

Coach Mickey Morrison: No! Hell, no! You aim for that 7 pin, and let it rip!

[Terry cries louder on the floor of the gym]

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[Terry gives Coach Morrison a doctor's note to skip gym for two weeks]

Coach Mickey Morrison: Severe intestinal disorder? What's the matter? You have a little tummy ache? What are you, a pussy?

Terry: [Terry pauses trying not to smile, before responding] Uh... My doctor said that I should be okay by a week from Monday. So, I guess I'll just go to Study Hall.

Coach Mickey Morrison: No, you won't. I have a little job for you, son.

[the scene cuts to Terry handing out towels in the boys' locker room]

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[Rick sees Terry get in Terry's car as Rick makes a comment about Sandy]

Rick: She's pretty nice.

Terry: Yeah, but I got this one rule. I never go out with girls who say 'bitchin.'

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[Rick invites Terry in after she gives him a ride home from school]

Rick: Did you want to come in?

Terry: Well, I was just going to... Just going to tune on my car, maybe play a little football, but, yeah I got time.

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[Rick tells Terry about what his girlfriend looks like for if his Mom asks]

Rick: Um, if my Mom comes home from work and she asks you about my girlfriend... Just so you know, her name is Alice, and she looks a lot like Chris Evert Lloyd.

Rick: [Terry makes a 'What?' face] I just don't want her to worry, you know, about my social life.

Terry: Yeah, but Chris Evert Lloyd?

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[Rick shows Terry his bedroom and his love for James Brown]

Rick: I'm kind of into James Brown.

Terry: I guess so.

Rick: You know, Prince, Michael Jackson? It all goes back to James Brown, the godfather of soul. Not to mention, Mr. Humanitarian, My. Dynamite and the hardest working man in show business. Ah, New York City, live, the Apollo Theater, 1962. This man was king.

Terry: Well, let's hear some sounds.

Rick: I don't think so.

Terry: Stereo broken?

Rick: No, it's just something I do by myself.

Terry: Huh?

Rick: Well, when I hear James I have to dance. You know, like James. I can't help it. I go crazy. And, uh, I'm usually alone when I do it.

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[Terry and Buddy talk about their food responsibilities when the fridge is empty]

Terry: Budster, the refrigerator gives new meaning to the word 'empty.'

Buddy: [Buddy throws his slice of pizza onto his plate] Hey, don't worry about breakfast. This stuff tastes great cold.

Terry: You agreed to do half the shopping around here while Mom and Dad were gone.

Buddy: Yeah, that's right, the second half.

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[Buddy volunteers to do the dishes after him and Terry eat pizza]

Buddy: I'll tell you what, I'll do the dishes.

Buddy: [Buddy taps the food off his plate into the trash, putting the plate back on the shelf] Thank you.

Buddy: [Buddy taps the food off Terry's plate as he holds the plate up like a mirror, smiling] I can see myself.

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[Rick attempts to ask the student Jeanine out to the prom]

Rick: You know, I sit right next to you in physics class.

Rick: [Terry tries to warn Rick she has glasses on that Rick can't see from his angle] You have beautiful eyes.

Rick: [Rick finally sees that Jeanine is wearing glasses and he nervously responds] I'll bet!

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[Rick attempts to ask the student Beth out to the prom]

Rick: Um... Beth. Doing anything, uh, prom night?

Beth: I'm going to the prom.

Rick: What about Saturday?

Beth: I'm busy.

Rick: Night?

Beth: I'm busy.

Rick: How about Sunday?

Beth: I'm busy.

Rick: How about any night in 1987?

Beth: I'm busy.

Rick: [Rick yells out] How about yesterday? You busy yesterday?

Beth: [Beth smiles] I think so, but you can ask me out again.

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[Sandy finds Terry's sock stuffed down his jeans]

Sandy: It's okay. I mean, how small can it be?

Terry: [Terry chuckles] Don't ask.

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[Buddy tries to lie to Kevin to get him out of the house so Buddy can have some alone time with Linda]

Buddy: Hold it! It's time Kevin knew the truth. Terry moved to Oregon to join a religious cult that she saw on '60 Minutes.'

Buddy: [Buddy begins to fake a cry] It's all in the letter. You should go home and wait for it, Kevin.

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[Kevin sees Terry's short haircut for the first time]

Kevin: What did you do to your hair?

Terry: Oh, I cut it. Isn't it cute?

Kevin: Cut? It's gone!

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[Buddy finally propositions Linda with sex]

Linda: Why are you smiling like that?

Buddy: [Buddy jumps to his feet] 'Cause it's party time! Let's dance. Let's get crazy. Let's get drunk. Let's get naked.

Linda: Buddy, I love a good party, but something about you worries me.

Buddy: Linda, you're a nut. What do you like, skinny dip in the pool? Back rub in the bedroom? Pick a sin. Any sin!

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[Buddy asks Linda one final question before she walks out the front door]

Buddy: Linda, wait. Would it make any difference if I was hung like a bear?

Linda: It might. Are you?

Buddy: No. Just checking.

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[after Buddy is rejected by Linda he looks down at his jeans at the end of the night]

Buddy: [Buddy sighs] Sorry, Spike.

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[Deborah tells Terry and Rick about who Greg is]

Deborah: Greg just likes to act tough. He doesn't really hate you guys.

Terry: Oh, that's no act. He truly hates us.

Deborah: Deep down, he's insecure.

Terry: Yeah, well, upfront, he's an asshole.

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[Buddy holds the hand of a girl in the cafeteria]

Buddy: Can I be totally honest with you? Your touch is the reason why I went through puberty.

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[Buddy makes a comment to Greg Tolan after he's embarrassed in the cafeteria]

Buddy: Uh, you've got some pudding on your shoes.

[as Greg looks down Buddy runs off]

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[Buddy hits on Denise who's trying to leave his house]

Buddy: Hey, Denise. What's your rush? We're young. We're wild. Let's be young and wild together.

Denise: I'd rather get the phone book and pick a name at random.

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[Sandy undresses herself to Terry]

Terry: Thanks for stopping by, but as you can see, I really am in a rush.

Sandy: First, there's something else I have to give you.

Terry: Oh, nothing can top these fish.

Sandy: Don't be so sure.

Terry: [Sandy undresses her blouse as Terry turns her attention to the fish bowl] Oh, my, God, the fish. Did you feed them today? Look at those hungry little eyes.

Sandy: They're kissing.

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[Buddy makes a sexual attempt to get in Sandy's pants]

Sandy: Where's Terry?

Buddy: Gone. This isn't the first time that that androgynous sleaze bucket has broken a beautiful girl's heart.

Sandy: I am so embarrassed.

Buddy: Why? The room is full of naked women.

Buddy: [Buddy starts unbuttoning his shirt] Wait. Would you feel more comfortable if I took my shirt off?

Buddy: [Buddy smiles to himself as Sandy leaves] What a nice girl.

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[Buddy asks Terry if she broke up with Kevin on the phone]

Buddy: Mr. Wonderful is Mr. History?

Buddy: [Terry smiles in agreement, as Buddy smiles] All right!

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[Sandy apologizes to Terry at the prom]

Sandy: Um, about the other night... I feel like a visitor from 'Planet of the Sluts.'

Terry: [Terry looks at Rick with Deborah] Hey, that's okay. We all make mistakes.

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[Sandy sees Terry's date Denise hitting on the musician at the prom]

Sandy: How could she do that to you?

Terry: We don't have a real commitment. She can date whoever she wants.

Sandy: In the middle of the prom?

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[Kevin shows up to Terry's house when he speaks to Buddy alone]

Kevin: All right, where is she?

Buddy: It's that darn cult again. They have her totally brainwashed. Want to split her records?

Kevin: [Kevin holds Buddy up to the wall] Look, you can tell me now, or you can tell me in the hospital!

Buddy: I'm suddenly remembering.

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[Kevin sees Terry at the prom crawling out from the water]

Kevin: Terry, are you all right?

Terry: Kevin?

Kevin: What are you doing here in a tuxedo?

Terry: [Terry nervously responds] Please go home. I'll call you tonight.

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[Rick, Terry, and Kevin all confront each other on the beach]

Rick: [Rick asks Terry] Who is this guy?

Kevin: Terry's boyfriend. Who are you?

Rick: Just a friend.

Kevin: Terry, we can work this out. I know you still love me.

Terry: No, I don't, I love someone else.

Rick: [Terry glances over to Rick] Whoa, uh, thanks, but no, thanks...

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[Terry walks with her friend Denise at school as she still feels miserable for hurting Rick]

Denise: Terry, you have to snap out of this.

Terry: I will. It just may take me a couple of years.

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[the freshman kid talks to Terry about liking her article]

Freshman: Hey, Terry, I really liked your article. Especially the part about how you could be cool even though you don't dress cool and stuff. I feel the same way. You want to go out sometime?

Terry: Oh... I'm really not ready yet, but thanks anyway.

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[Buddy parks Terry's car up on the curb and talks to a girl walking by]

Buddy: Don't worry. I'm a stunt driver. I do this for a living.

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[Buddy is late to pick up Terry from work]

Terry: Swift parking job, Bud, and you're late.

Buddy: Yeah, I ran out of gas, but don't worry, I put a buck's worth in...

Buddy: [Buddy smiles] On me.

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[Terry tries to ask Rick out on a date as he reminds her he's the guy]

Terry: Well, hey, why don't we go out and have some fun? You know, like, maybe we could go out dancing Friday night.

Rick: Wait a minute. I'm the guy here. Let me just try this, okay? Why don't we go out dancing on Friday night?

Terry: [Terry smiles] What an original idea.

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[last lines]

Terry: [Terry signals for Buddy to get in the car with her and Rick] Come on, Buddy!

[a girl pulls up on a motorcycle next to Buddy, as Buddy smiles and decides to get on the back of her bike instead]

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[Phil in the cafeteria talks to Willie about finding a weird life form with his imaginary meter]

Phil: [Phil makes the sound of the meter] I'm picking up curious life readings.

Willie: Is it human?

Phil: Unknown. It seems to be some sort of carbon-based douchebag.

[Phil holds the meter up with it alarming through his voice, as he sees that it's Greg Tolan]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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