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37 out of 38 people found the following review useful:
Details not necessary. Rocket launchers more important., 24 August 2005

Author: Leigh from Sydney, Australia

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Invasion U.S.A. can only be described as one of the finest examples of how to put brilliant action sequences before any vague realms of plot. But what if this movie was factually accurate? Here's a list of things I discovered while watching this film:

- When a large amount of cocaine is under the floor of a boat, and the people on that boat need to be moved, you shoot them all and they'll not only miraculously fall away from the door to the cocaine, but not one bag of coke will be damaged, despite firing about a thousand bullets at the boat.

- All Cuban refugees that arrive in the Florida area wear identical plain white underwear and shorts.

- Chuck Norris can single-handedly take down tens of terrorists, but needs help to take on one alligator.

- Prostitutes carry flick knives.

- The guards to a big drug dealer only need to be shot at twice, and they'll then die of fear. There's no other way to explain their deaths despite not being hit by either bullet sent in their direction.

- The main characters to a movie don't need any background. Rostov is known only by name, as is Hunter, while the terrorist 2IC isn't given a surname. No further details on the pasts of these characters are necessary for you to understand what's going on, especially the dream sequence.

- A terrorist leader who has no qualms about killing boatloads of refugees, houses of innocent people and blowing up shopping centres goes into uncontrollable rages about one-liners like "It's time to die."

- The head of Hunter's ex-agency (NSA? CIA? FBI? Who cares!) gets to his place via a rowboat, and comes alone.

- A variety of bad guys blow Hunter's house up with a lot of rocket launchers, machine guns and RPGs, with the intent of killing him - yet don't check that he's dead afterwards.

- Rocket launchers carry six rockets without the need to reload.

- Likewise, shotguns carry around 17 shots without the need to reload.

- Terrorists who have important business to get to don't do it, because they need to go into clubs to pick up cheap, old hookers who are slightly overweight.

- Between six guys with automatic weapons, they're unable to hit the windows in Chuck Norris's car, or put it out of commission. Despite firing around 500 bullets.

- Uzis are more accurate than any other weapon. Mostly because Chuck Norris is firing them.

- A professional photographer, when riding in a car that's attempting to chase a hostage-taking terrorist down, doesn't take any photos.

- It's impossible to blow up terrorists with their own bombs unless you deliver a one-liner first.

- School children sing "Row, row, row your boat..." for minutes endlessly while on a school bus.

- Chuck Norris catches up to a moving bus over 250 metres ahead of him, picks a bomb off it, catches up to a speeding car of terrorists, who are clearly a long way ahead of the bus, places the bomb on their car and drives off. In under 25 seconds. From a standing start.

- Automatic weapons, like shotguns and rocket launchers, carry more bullets than you can physically fit into the weapons.

- When you're involved in a fight with a fast opponent, where mobility and fast firing is imperative, a rocket launcher truly is the weapon of choice. Then again, it does hold six shots.

In closing, it's time to die.

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29 out of 42 people found the following review useful:
Entertaining in parts due to its absurdity, but overall it's INCREDIBLY stupid, 12 July 2006

Author: BroadswordCallinDannyBoy from Boston, MA

A crazy terrorist named Rostov thinks that Americans don't value their freedom. Since they are in no danger of really losing it, Rostov decides to attack the USA with a bunch of mercenaries. He proceeds to demolish towns and instill terror. He then blows up Chuck Norris's house and frightens Chuck's pet baby armadillo. Big mistake, Rostov. BIG FRIGGIN' MISTAKE!

From the title you can only manage to expect an overblown macho action-fest and that is precisely what this is. Schwarzenegger had 'Commando' also in 1985 and Stallone came out with a similar vehicle in 'Cobra' the next year. The idea of one guy taking out hordes of bad guys with his trusty weapon of choice - a pair of uzis with unlimited ammo in this case - is here much like in the aforementioned films.

Interesting is the not-so-subtle presentation of uber-patriotism. Chuck Norris wears all blue, drives American cars, lives in the American wetlands of Florida and so on. While the badguys speak with their ridiculous foreign accents, use much different and presumably foreign weapons and even drive non-American cars even if they acquire them in America. Was this intentional? Well that doesn't matter actually, because it is played out to no effect.

What does matter is the film's absurdity. The film begins with a laughably goofy set-up for a political thriller and ends up being a series of loosely connected action scenes with Chuck making his heroic appearance and taking out the badguys with the very bomb they intended to plant. One scene where Chuck saves a school bus will literally have you laughing on the floor for how stupid it is. If you think you have seen "so bad it's funny" then see this film - it is so bad it's... um... very funny!

The only real highlights (things that are actually good for real) are Richard Lynch's turn as the villain. It is a delightfully stereotypical villain role, but it was sadly underused. Ah-nuld's 'Commando' made much better use of it's goofy villains, premise, and overall feel making it an equally stupid, but much more satisfying film in the end. The other thing is the premise at hand here - an attack on America. Uber-patriotic crap aside, that could make for a good and interesting thriller. What the film makers here didn't realize that that idea (as with any worthy thriller) is going to take more than 5 minutes to develop into a screenplay.

Also of note would have to be the film's gun-play. In most action movies people don't aim when shooting, but they at least try to look it and essentially most decent action films get away with that. Here, not only do people don't aim, they don't even look like their trying. There is actually a scene where the badguys storm into a building (that's empty) and just shoot everything. Maybe they thought they were in the AOL customer service office. Damn. 3/10

Rated R: violence and profanity

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11 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
The Commies are coming! The Commies are coming! Save us Chuck Norris!, 13 August 2006

Author: Woodyanders (Woodyanders@aol.com) from The Last New Jersey Drive-In on the Left

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Our country is in big trouble: a ragtag multi-ethnic guerrilla army of nefarious Communist terrorists led by no-account Russian psycho Rostov (veteran screen villain Richard Lynch in peak nasty'n'snarly form) have washed up on the Florida coast. These horrible scumbuckets first slaughter a boat full of helpless Cuban refugees. Next they butcher a libidinous teen couple making out on the beach. Then they blow up six suburban houses populated by folks merrily celebrating the yuletide holiday with a single rocket launcher. They even gun down nice Latino youths. Worse yet, they have the appalling gall to attack a mall at the height of the Christmas shopping season. Why, these foul scum not only attempt to blow up a church holding a mass, but also a school bus loaded with little children happily singing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."

But have no fear, good Americans. Thankfully we got Matt Hunter (legendary martial arts champion and hopelessly wooden thespian Chuck Norris, who co-wrote the senseless script) to save the day. Who's Matt Hunter? Well, apparently he's some kind of former government agent, although we never are told any specific details about his background. Does it matter? Not in the least. Moreover, Hunter has the magical ability to materialize seemingly out of thin air in his souped-up pick-up truck whenever he's needed to stomp some evil commie butt. Nonstop wall-to-wall mondo destructo ultra-violent carnage is the order of the day here. And boy does director Joseph Zito really pour it on thick, blowing up lots of stuff real good, staging insanely go-for-broke vehicular action sequences with rip-snorting aplomb, and racking up an astonishingly hefty body count. Better still, both Joao Fernandes's slick photography and Jay Chattaway's robust, rousing score are up to snuff, Melissa Prophet gives a spectacularly terrible performance as a spunky, yet troublesome lady reporter, Eddie Jones just takes up space as a useless FBI agent, Billy Drago briefly pops up as a slimy drug dealer, the basic overwrought tone represents Reagan era Red Scare paranoia at its most ludicrously hysterical, and Norris cuts loose with a steady series of truly groan-inducing cheesy quips every time he commits a heroic feat. Now, is this film any good? No, it most certainly ain't. In fact, it's exceptionally bad, stupid and utterly mindless. But there's no denying that it's a great deal of so-totally-dreadful-it's-oddly-delectable Grade Z schlocky fun. A real four star high camp 80's trash movie hoot and a half.

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9 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
One of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time!, 15 September 1999
Author: culwin

Oh come on! This movie is hilarious!!

Chuck Norris is the funniest action hero since Charlie Sheen in "Hot Shots Part Deux"! Of course the plot (what there is of one) is completely ridiculous, and only exists to have an excuse to blow stuff up and for Chuck to beat people up. This only adds to the laughability! I highly recommend this to any person looking for the ultimate in exagerated action films. And those quotes! Classic!!

"If you come in here again, I'll hit you with so many rights..you'll beg for a left!"

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9 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
One of the greatest movies OF ALL TIMES!!!!!!!, 18 February 2002
Author: 89kids (ml3676@sbc.com) from USA

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

1) Richard Lynch is Rostov the Russian terrorist who is bent on destroying the soft American peoples.

2) Chuck Norris is Matt Hunter the American who has had enough of the ultra spy life and just wants to wrassle gators.

3) They demonstrate how evil Rostov is and how bad ass Hunter is. Over and over again.

4) They meet one on one in the end.

If you need more than this, don't bother, just go rent Moulin Rouge already. For those who have seen it, I will continue my case argument for it's "greatness". These are reasons I, and everyone else, love this film. WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD SO DON"T STOP READING!!!!!!!

* Early eighties brutality! Rostov ends a drug deal succesfully but then for no reason drives a plastic tooter up a girls nose but figures he better throw her out the window too, then shoots another man a couple of times in the crotch! Ouch!!! This scene has no value to the story. None! We have already established Rostov being evil by him leading a My Lai type massacre on the open seas at the very beginning of the movie. The movie "Scarface" was released a couple of years before this and this scene reaks of it's remains, but in a good way. During the early eighties you could always count on a Golan-Globus movie having two things. Brutal violence and topless women. A tried and true formula that somehow evolved into poetic voice-over narratives and guy's asses. Give me Michael Dudikoff any day over Freddie Prinze Jr., know what I mean.

* Chuck Norris may be saving our asses, but he is not a "nice" man in this movie. He's rude, mean, brutal and all business. If this character ever met Walker the Texas Ranger he make him wear his ass for a hat.

* In the end, the US Army handles all of the Russian terrorists, and Norris blows up Rostov.Commie terrorist die in droves, America is safe in the end and alot of asses were kicked, shot and blown up during the trip. Everyone's happy. Hollywood lost the balls to make this kind of movie. Now Hollywood is too busy makin Moulin Rouge and other sensitive crap. The very things that make us into the "soft Americans" that Rostov wanted to use rocket launchers on.

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13 out of 19 people found the following review useful:
Nothing new to add., 5 January 2003
Author: pickydeer from FL, USA

Possible Spoliers: This movie is a good movie to watch on a late Friday night with a beer in hand. It is enoyable, Norris movies never require one to think, because let's face it the storylines are straight out of elementary schoolchildren's fantasy imaginations. Example: A small band of Cubans/Russkies trying to create discord and panic in America, which will allow them to take it over. They easily get wipe out by a Florida National Guard unit, Not much a of a national threat there. Golan Globus and Cannon Films knew that. They were in it just to make more money then they spent on the film and usually these films were profitable. The 80's was a time for exploitative action flicks, brawn, sex, brutality and harmless stereotypes. It is sad though that these types of films are no longer made in the political correct 90's and 2000's.

Norris' acting has never been great, even though his one liners are better than Seagal and Van Damne. He just did some running, kicking and punching and collected his paycheck.

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6 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Chuck Noriss Kills Things, 5 November 2006

Author: Treesrule14 from United States

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The movie is hilarious it is not a high production quality movie but it is really funny, because of all the inaccuracies and ridiculous plot lines. There are terrorists in the movie who are really Communists but of course they are not aloud to say that because it would be politically incorrect. "Hunter" at one point in the movie told the FBI agent of a mysterious and deadly past, which has nothing to do with the plot of the movie. The first fifteen minutes of the movie include absolutely nothing that has to do with the rest of the movie and were probably put in there to add time to the movie so they could put it into the theaters. Of course when people are shot they do not actually die they just jump up and fall backwards. Chuck Norris' clothes never actually get damaged in any way shape or form, (sometimes his shirt becomes unbuttoned). In any event the large amount of stereotypes in the movie make it an absolute riot.

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6 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
They Don´t Make Such Movies Any More!, 6 July 2000
Author: Thilo Schrödel from Munich, Germany

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is an 80s Action-Movie you have never seen before. Of course, nowadays this flick looks ridiculous, but considering that in the early 80s there were no Action-Comedy-Movies (like "Lethal Weapon"), this is outstanding. I think, the plot is not very realistic but interesting. What if a bunch of crazy terrorists just blows up everything that is holy for the U.S.? Yeah, the Chuck-Norris-One-Man-Army is ludicrous but in the 80s we just didn´t have Jackie Chan. Besides that, the film is extremely violent. The scene with the two teenagers at the beach getting headshots for nothing but being on the wrong place at the wrong time is still giving me bad times. This is something, no other action-movie in the 80s had: They take no prisoners. The victims are all innocent and they even dare to kill kids! Last time this happened was when the little girl in "Assault on Precinct 13" got shot! Plus: If you like gunfights, this is the movie for you. I think, this film is underestimated. Not, because it´s good, but because it´s different. SPOILER ALERT! Memorable Scenes include: A Man gets shot in his nuts several times. A Woman sniffs cocaine and gets the straw beaten in her nose (after that she is thrown out a skyscraper-window). A Couple doing Petting on the beach earn headshots. Several houses get Bazooka-Shots during Christmas-Vacation. Hundreds of Immigrants from Cuba don´t get asylum but hot lead from an M-40.

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7 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
"If he's alive... he's still a threat." Top silly 80's action blockbuster., 24 April 2007

Author: Paul Andrews (poolandrews@hotmail.com) from UK

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Invasion U.S.A. starts just off the coast of Florida where a boat carrying a load of illegal immigrants as well as a lot of cocaine is stopped by a official U.S. coast guard vessel, however it's a trap & evil mercenary Mikhail Rostov (Richard Lynch) shoots everyone dead & steals the coke. Mikhail them uses the coke to buy an arsenal of weaponry from a drug dealer (Billy Drago) which he then uses to arm a squad of terrorists who then travel around America blowing anything & everything up they come across, just randomly shooting people & generally causing bloody havoc & mayhem. Now Rostov is only afraid of one thing special forces agent Matt Hunter (Chuck Norris) who he tries to assassinate but Rosotv makes three basic mistakes, Rostov blows Hunter's house up, he kills Hunter's best mate & foolishly doesn't check to make sure Hunter is dead which he isn't. It's personal for Hunter now as he plans to kill all the terrorists & Rostov all by himself...

Directed by Joseph Zito this is pretty silly stuff but highly entertaining if your in the right mood. The script by James Bruner & star Chuck Norris has an absolutely preposterous concept that the US is being invaded by a bunch of terrorists & the only thing that can stop them isn't the might of it's armed forces, the police or any other Government organisation but one man army Chuck Norris in his pick up truck, it's a premise I found highly amusing actually & as a result I couldn't take the film seriously but what they hell when it's this much fun & there's this much wanton unnecessary destruction on show who cares? Invasion U.S.A. is the sort of 80's action film which embraces the principal that if one bullet is all it takes why not use fifty? Or if a grenade will do why not just use a rocket launcher? This is over-the-top macho testosterone fuelled nonsense with enough gun fights, explosions, tanks, soldiers, terrorists, vehicular mayhem, deaths, violence, huge guns & rocket launchers along with a plot that moves so fast you don't have time to think about all the pot holes in it. This one takes itself pretty seriously although Norris does get one or two one-liners although overall he gets very little dialogue, since Norris co-wrote the script I would assume he knew his limitations in the fact he can't act at all so just let his character do what he himself does best & kick the bad guys butts. The script also never explains the motivations behind Rostov & his terrorists except that they are working for someone else who are never revealed. Oh & one more thing, what happened to Chuck's pet Armidillo?!

Director Zito does a good job & keeps the action coming thick & fast, this has a huge body count & features plenty of mindless destruction which is what we all want really. The action is well staged & it looks to have had a sizable amount of money behind it. This is one of those films where no-one ever seems to have to reload their weapons especially rocket launchers which only hold one rocket at time...

With a supposed budget of about $10,000,000 there's a lot of bang on screen for the money, this was Norris's fifth film for Canon & was probably made at the height of his fame which is why it's decent, has good production values & is well made. The acting isn't great, Lynch is an OK villain, a reporter Melissa Prophet turns up occasionally & then totally disappears about 20 minutes before it finishes while it was probably a very good decision to not give Chuck himself any dialogue expect for the odd one-liner & I thought Billy Drago was killed off far too early.

Invasion U.S.A. is a top 80's action film, while not as good as some it's right up there & maybe the best thing Norris has done along with Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection (1990), definitely worth a watch.

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15 out of 25 people found the following review useful:
gotta love chuck, 30 May 2002
Author: cwdfwtx from texas

saw this back in my navy days while stationed in san diego. i think it pumped alot of the military up. sure it had bad acting

and a very far fetched plot(a small army of commie terrorists invade miami florida and start blowing up houses). I mean how did they think they were going to take over the US with an army of about 1,000 men.

But that aside i love watching chuck blow em away anyway, i see these movies for the action not the acting.Only thing that I dont like about some chuck norris movies are scenes which have nothing to do with the plot and this movie has those too.A few scenes involving rostov had nothing to do with the plot

Like Rostov meeting with a drug dealer for some unknown reason and then after completing the deal he kills the guy and a chick who was snorting coke gets shoved and the tube gets rammed up her nose,I guess Rostov didnt like her screaming so he ends up tossing her ass out the window and watches her do a swan dive 20 stories. What did this have to do with the plot? . the plot. Oh well, still fun to watch chuck kick ass ...

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