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|Index||57 reviews in total|
This movie is AWFUL, don't believe otherwise! The acting is absolutely terrible, the plot is nonexsistent, and even the makeup is cheap. Yet all of this adds up to a hilariously bad zombie movie! The humor itself isn't funny at all, yet it's amusing because you're laughing AT it, not with it. I really enjoyed it, although it had no redeeming qualities at all! Basically it is one of the worst movies ever made, and for that reason it's pretty funny.
I had the pleasure of viewing yet another odd addition to the zombie
horror genre: Hard Rock Zombies. Our movie starts out with some blond
chick hitch-hiking on the highway who then gets picked up by 2 guys in
a sports car, goes skinny dipping with them, and then kills them both
while a man accompanied by 2 weird midgets (one of which is deformed)
photographs the entire event. Then we are introduced to the main
characters of our flick, a rock band, led by Jessie who is the bass
player and lead singer. They're jamming at a gig and then head into a
back room after the show to have some fun with the groupies. While in
the back room, a strange girl named Cassie warns Jessie not to play
their next gig in this town called Grand Guignol. When he asks for an
explanation she doesn't give him one and leaves Jessie hanging. Problem
is, they can't skip the next town because a big shot talent scout is
going to be there to watch the show.
So they go to Grand Guignol anyways even though they've been warned. On the way, Jessie is fumbling around with an ancient incantation he found while playing it over a rock bass line. They show up in the town, which is composed of stereotypical local yokel folks, and dance around. Yes, that's right - dance around. See, Hard Rock Zombies is also a musical and whenever the movie takes you into a musical number it's shot like a music video. This is pretty hilarious since the music is standard cheese ball 80's stuff and the antics in the video are lame at best. Still, I'm laughing.
Well, wouldn't you know, the same blond chick from the opening scene lives there and offers to put the band up in her mansion vice the local hotel. They accept since every one of the members wants to nail her except for Jessie who is falling for the odd Cassie girl. Unbeknownest to our heroes, Adolph Hitler, Eva Braun (who is also a werewolf), and the photographer with his 2 weird midgets also live in the mansion. The town is also not happy that they've arrived and quickly pass a measure to ban all rock and roll music at a town meeting. Jessie finds out that his incantation is effective for bringing the dead back to life after fooling around with it in his room. He then records it with his bass line and tells Cassie to play the tape at their graves should something tragic happen to him and the band.
Sure enough, Adolph and his buddies kill the entire band in various ways including one scene that's an obvious tribute to Hitchcock's "Psycho". The heart broken Cassie laments at Jessie's grave and then plays the tape. Voila! Our heroes emerge from the grave, looking paler, and proceed to walk and dance around the town like robots. Yes, that's right, LIKE ROBOTS. The standard groaning, lumbering slowly, and arms straight out zombie gait does not apply here. Oh yeah, and this is set to another cool song with the accompanying music video. Groovy!
Our heroes take revenge on their antagonizers and then play their gig to an audience of one: the talent scout. Another music video accompanies this bit and it's a sentimental ballad dedicated to Cassie. Things get crazier from there. More people come back from the dead and the deformed midget sits at the dinner table and decides to eat HIMSELF. The town residents go into a panic and devise humorous ways to defeat the zombies. Finally one person convinces the rest that they need a virgin to be ravished by the zombies at midnight on a full moon so that the zombies will slumber for 100 years. Guess who the virgin is?
I won't give away the ending but the deformed midget does succeed in eating himself and Hitler's gas chamber makes an appearance. Hard Rock Zombies has gotten crap reviews on almost every site that I looked at. Well, I think that what these people were missing was that Hard Rock Zombies is not a movie to be taken seriously. This is strictly campy fun and I got quite a few laughs from it. Hard Rock Zombies succeeds as a horror based comedy, not by design, but only by serendipity.
This is truly a great movie, if you are a fan such as I. this is one of the horror movies that will disappoint if you are looking to be scared or for a quality film, however, it is perfect if you are looking for a lame-horror comedy. I suggest any fans of such genre pick up this movie and watch it religiously.
The tepid, dreadful zombie flick scrapes the bottom of the barrel, in a
way that is truly insulting to barrels. Every possible cliché is driven
home with all the subtlety of a steam hammer; every aspect of
professional production is gleefully shredded by the intense non-talent
in this film. BUT... You simply have to see it. A mess beyond all
Oh, and stink-fans, your boy Sam Mann, from the equally-wretched "Roller Blade", is in this too (as the 'drummer'). In fact, our boy Mann was in several Donald G. Jaclson stinkers, moostly of the Roller Blade variety. Now he's in this pile of cow pooo too - isn't life sweet???
Ten years ago, I would have instantly and blindly considered this to be a great film purely based on the title and awesome DVD-cover. In the meanwhile, however, I struggled myself through enough bad movies to know what a film like "Hard Rock Zombies" really stand for: multiple overlong interludes in which horrible songs are played from start to finish, a non-existent storyline build around an untalented band and of course a complete absence of atmosphere, tension or black comedy. The horrible rock band (that is so not HARD-rock they're playing) of which I can't even remember the name arrives in a little town that disapproves of music. Yes, this is somewhat of a horror parody on "Footloose" only not that funny or memorable. Instead of a puritan reverend, the band members in this town are up against demented characters like a werewolf grandmother in a wheelchair, evil midgets and the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler himself. The band losers get killed but return from the death even stupider looking than before and take their revenge. Even if you can get past the shameless Nazi propaganda footage and the totally random "Psycho" imitations, "Hard Rock Zombies" is still a dreadfully dumb and boring movie! There's an endless amount of padding, not only through lame music but also through dialog sequences that are purposelessly stretched. There's a gore, but of the lamest kind and the jokes aren't even funny when you're drunk or stoned. There's a scene, for example, in which one brainiac states: "Ghouls don't like head, so they'll let us escape". What? Next thing you see is literally people walking past the ghouls whilst holding pictures of giant heads. There's no way I can be intoxicated enough for humor like this. I do reward this retarded film with one whole point extra for the self-devouring midget. That was quite cool.
Ah, eighties music. When it was good, it was good; and when it was forgettable, it lives on only in artifacts such as this movie. Rock and roll zombies, midget Nazi rednecks, a grandma who turns into a werewolf, a nearly mute young girl with Groucho Marx's eyebrows, and Adolph Hitler himselfhow can you go wrong with a lineup like that? Very easily! All in all, a bland movie. You can obviously see how the filmmakers were trying to keep themselves interested, with limited results: The Hitler scene (I honestly thought the movie would get better after that); Hitchhiker Girl's repeated interpretive dance sequences; even the deformed dwarf slowly eating his entire body (in the last scene, he's nothing but a head -- and then he sucks his face into his mouth and chews, leaving only a skull). Despite all that, you could almost hear the director yawning. Or maybe that was me.
I was given this film on DVD as a present by a friend. Giving this
movie a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10 is not fair. Negative numbers should be
Granted, its so terrible that its slightly funny (like when and old woman turns out to be Hitler in disguise), for the most part this movie was simply terrible.
You have to suffer through an entire sequence of these Bon Jovi looking idiots dancing around to music that is more like really bad disco/elevator music. I like 80's cheese metal. There was none in this movie.
It is the single least convincing zombie movie ever made. The production values and special effects of this movie amounted to effects that you can make yourself (even if you are mentally retarded and can only use your feet). The zombies simply look like people with flour dashed on them and lots of mascara.
Most real bad movies at least have something that passes for a plot. Not this one. It was just several scenes put together with more "zombies" (people with flour sprinkled on them) at the end than that at the beginning.
I dunno. Maybe I should have been high when I watched this. I just felt like an hour of my life was wasted on something that was so terrible you could not even laugh at it. It was like watching a car accident, but a car accident at least has really good special effects.
The CIA ought to use this movie to interrogate terrorists.
Anyone going into this movie looking for a blood curdling shocker is
barking up the wrong tree here. The title of the movie should tell you
that. On the other hand, if you want to feel the tears run down your
cheeks from incredulous laughter and your throat get sore with the
groaning at the awful sight that's facing you, then maybe you will be
able to suffer it.
Rock star wannabes who maybe should have found out what music is first, a dwarf Nazi zombie, a re-incarnated Adolf Hitler, a few dim bimbos, terrible audio and visual and you have everything you could possibly want!
Great lines, including a girl picking up her boyfriend's head and asking if he's OK are priceless. I take my hat off to the scriptwriter for having the front to write this stuff down.
Anyway people, it's one you have to take as you find and enjoy for the rubbish that it is. It is bad horror at it's finest.
I believe that it was the directors intent to revive the flagging musical genre, and combine it with a cheesy horror plot line. My Brother and I first saw this movie back in the mid 80's , and it was the title that first grabbed my attention as a denim wearing metal head. I watched the movie then and thought it was crap, though the bass line that bought things back to life was brilliant. This movie then fell into obscurity and I have not given it a thought for the near on 20 years since. The other night I saw that Hard Rock Zombies was on the Horror Channel, and the vague memory of a mulleted bass player killing a spider and then bringing it back to life again struck in my mind. I decided to watch it again hoping that the passage of the years would make me understand what was once a nonsensical plot a bit more and hopefully make this painfully bad movie better. So on a nostalgia trip, I decided to record this drivel of a movie, after necking a few cans of strong lager to muster the dutch courage required to face this 80's timewarp, I sat down to watch, and guess what?.......It's still a crap movie, the plot is no easier to understand, the old man that looks like Scottie from Star Trek that half way through turns into Hitler is just absurd, the mulleted bass player looks a little dated now, but that riff is still brilliant. Give this movie a wide arc. If I were to recommend this movie to anyone, deaf and blind people would be at the top of my list as well as people suffering from chronic insomnia. easy contender for the biggest waste of everyone's time and labour EVER. best part(s) the blonde hitchhiker girl in the shower......worth watching for that alone.
I just recently upgraded my cable and I now a channel that shows the worst of the worst movies I have personally have ever seen! But I love it! I will not mention the channels name but it shows some real beauties! Anyhow I had the bittersweet pleasure of surveying this turd called Hard rock zombies. It is is usually hard to say that a movie is the "worst movie ever" but not with this movie. I think it was actually worse than Dracula 3000 at least there was some actors I recognized in Dracula 3000. I guess not knowing any of the actors in Hard rock zombies is a good thing, It saves me from seeing them in another movie with friends and having to explain to them where I saw that actor before forcing me to talk about this movie again. If you have not seen this movie try to find something more productive to do with about an hour and a half. Anything at all!
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