The Goonies (1985)
[the Fratellis are interrogating Chunk]
Francis Fratelli: Tell us everything! Everything!
Chunk: Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Jake Fratelli: I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!
Mama Fratelli: [tired of Chunk's stalling] Hit puree!
Mikey: Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.
Mikey: [to One-Eyed Willie] Hi Willie. Oh, I'm Mike Walsh. You've been expecting me, haven't you? Well I made it. I beat you. I got here in one piece... so far.
[lifts up Willie's patch]
Mikey: So... that's why they call you One-Eyed Willie... One-Eyed Willie.
[takes a breath from his breathalizer]
Mikey: We had a long comment, huh, Willie? You know something, Willie? You're the first Goonie.
[the rest of the Goonies show up]
Mikey: Yo. Hi guys. How's it going? This is Willie... One-Eyed Willie. Say hi, Willie. Those are my friends... the Goonies.
Mikey: How long have you guys been standing there?
Brandon Walsh: Long enough, Mikey. Long enough.
Chunk: Look at this. They've got Misissippi Mud and they've got Chocolate Eruption and they've got what?
Chunk: It's a stiff.
[Everyone screams and drops the dead body]
Elgin Perkins: Hello guys. I'm Mr Perkins, Troy's father.
Richard 'Data' Wang: We know who Troy is. He's that cheap guy.
Brandon Walsh: My dad's not home, Mr. Perkins.
Elgin Perkins: Is your mommy here?
Brandon Walsh: [scarcastically] No, actually she's out at the market buying Pampers for all us kids.
Elgin Perkins: [feigning laughing] Papers, Bill. You can give these to your father to read through and sign. I'll be by to pick them up in the morning.
Brandon Walsh: Thank you.
Elgin Perkins: Thank *you*.
Mama Fratelli: Come to mama Slothy, come on hmm?
Sloth: Mama, you've been bad.
Mama Fratelli: Oh, Slothy. I may have been bad. I may have kept you chained up in that room but it was for your own good.
Mama Fratelli: You remember that song I used to sing to you?
Mama Fratelli: You were little back then?
Mama Fratelli: Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks the cradle will fall...
Sloth: Break! Fall!
Mama Fratelli: No! I only dropped once.
Mama Fratelli: Well, maybe twice. No Sloth! Put me down!
Jake Fratelli: You know Sloth, if you sit too close to the TV, you're going hurt your eyes.
Francis Fratelli: Jake leave him alone!
Jake Fratelli: Francis, the lock. The lock!
Francis Fratelli: Let go of the handle.
Jake Fratelli: I don't have the handle! Open the lock!
Mama Fratelli: Jake, up! Come on, move it!
Elgin Perkins: Alright Walsh. Today's the day so let's get this over with.
Irene Walsh: Irving?
Irving Walsh: I'm sorry Irene.
Troy Perkins: Come on Walsh we don't have all day. There's 50 more houses to tear down after yours.
Irving Walsh: Easy Brandon! Easy!
[Mikey calls for a bathroom break]
Mikey: Okay, this is the little boys' room, and that cave over there is the little girls' room.
[Brandon heads to a different cave]
Mikey: Brand, where're you going?
Brandon Walsh: This is the *men's* room.
Prison Guard: Lunch time. The longer you wait the colder your lunch will get. Come on. Hey you turkey!
[the prison gaurd proceeds to Jake Frateli's cell where he finds him hanging from his cell wall with a note pinned to his shirt. Reading]
Prison Guard: You schmuck! Did you really think that I would be stupid enough to kill myself?
[Jake knocks out the prison gaurd]
Mama Fratelli: There it is. Okay, Jake, you first.
Jake Fratelli: I ain't going down there, Mama. Are you kidding me?
Mama Fratelli: [pulls out her gun and points it at Jake] GO!
Jake Fratelli: I can't argue with that, Mama.
Francis Fratelli: Get the rope here. Slothy, Slothy, jumprope Slothy.
Jake Fratelli: What do you mean jump rope?
[Jake and Francis swing around Sloth to tie him up]
Sloth: [Sloth rips off his shirt revealing a T-Shirt with the Superman 'S' on the front] Sloth!
Jake Fratelli: We're in deep shit now, Francis.
Francis Fratelli: Oh, shit!
Chunk: whats all the stuff in the attic?
Mikey: It has something to do with my dad being the assistant curly, curny.
Brandon Walsh: [smacking Mikey on the back of the head] Curator.
Mikey: That's what I said.
Mikey: It was a retropactum!
Brandon Walsh: Retrospective!
Mikey: See! That's what I said! You always contradict me... I know what I was saying. It was on the history of Astoria and these are the rejects!
Chunk: Kinda like us... Mikey. The Goonies.
Mouth: I'm not a reject!
Mikey: Take that stuff off, you'll get me in trouble
Andy: [whispers softly] Let's go this way.
Brandon Walsh: What are you? Crazy? They're here.
Andy: [hysterically] They're here, they're here, they're here, they're here.
[Brand covers Andy's mouth]
Jake Fratelli: [whispering] There they are. Right there.
Brandon Walsh: [shouting to the others] It's the Fratellies. This way. Come on we've got to move! Let's go you guys. Don't fall behind. Let's move.
Jake Fratelli: You know Sloth if you sit too close to the TV you're going hurt your eyes.
Sloth: [grunting] Eh!
Francis Fratelli: Jake leave him alone.
Mama Fratelli: [to Mouth] You're so quiet all of a sudden you're the one they call "Mouth" aren't you?
Mouth: [mumbling] Mmm mm!
Mama Fratelli: [Mama Fratelli proceeds to pull a very long pearl necklace out of Mouth's mouth] Oh my god! OH MY GOD! Is that all?
Mouth: [mumbles] Mmm hmm.
[Mama Frateli smacks Mouth on the back of his head and he spits out the rest of his share of the jewels]
Brandon Walsh: [Rosalita screaming in spanish] What's she saying Mouth? Translate.
Mouth: No pen. No write. No sign!
Mikey: No dad don't sign it!
[Rosalita runs over to Mrs Walsh and pulls out her hand and empties Mikey's marble bag]
Mikey: Dad! Dad! It's my marble bag. The Fratelis forgot to check it. I emptied out all of my marbles and put the jewels in. We don't have to leave the boon docks!
Irving Walsh: [ripping up the foreclosure document] They'll be no more signing today or ever again.
Andy: Watch this.
[Data's father takes a camera out of his jacket and proceeds to take a picture but the film falls out. Andy starts laughing]
Andy: He's just like his father.
Data: [in Chinese] That's okay daddy. You can't hug a photograph.
Mr. Wang: [in Chinese] You are my greatest invention.
Harriet Walsh: [Sirens wailing] Where are my boys?
Mikey: Hi mom. Hi dad. I guess we're in big shit now right?
Prison Guard: Lunchtime! The longer you animals bark, the colder your lunch gets. Come on, move it out. You too, down there! Hey, turkey!
Data: Hey any of you guys ever hear of Detroit?
Mouth: Sointenly! Where Motown started. It's also got the highest murder rate in the country.
Data: Well, let me tell you what. That's where we're going when we lose the house tomorrow.
Mikey: You shut up about that stuff, it'll never happen. My dad will fix it.
Brandon Walsh: Yeah sure he will. If he gets his next 400 paychecks by tommorrow afternoon.
Mikey: That's wrong Brand! It won't happen.
Mama Fratelli: Now tell me where your other little friends are.
Chunk: [crying] The fireplace.
Mama Fratelli: Don't lie to me!
Chunk: Honest. We went over to Mikey's dads place and we found this map that said that underneath this place there's buried treasure.
Jake Fratelli: Come on, don't give us none of your bullshit stories huh?
Francis Fratelli: Sloth stop that.
Jake Fratelli: Do you remember when we took you to the Bronx Zoo and left you there?
Francis Fratelli: We've never been to the Bronx Zoo!
Jake Fratelli: Do you remember the time we were going to get your teeth fixed and we spent all of the money on Francis's toupee?
Francis Fratelli: I DON'T WEAR A hair piece!
Stef: This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.
Mouth: Is this supposed to be water?
Mama Fratelli: It's wet, ain't it? Drink it!
Richard 'Data' Wang: Hey I've got a great idea you guys! Slick shoes!
Francis Fratelli: [Jake tries to push Francis over the log] DON'T PUSH JAKE!
Jake Fratelli: I'm not pushing Francis now hurry up!
Mama Fratelli: [after Francis slips and falls on his crotch] Francis sweetheart are you okay?
Francis Fratelli: [High pitched voice] NOOOOOOO!
Andy: I can't tell... if it's an "A sharp" or if it's a "B flat"!
Mikey: Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we'll all "B flat!"
[Brand and Andy are about to kiss after falling down]
Chunk: Shame, shame!
Data: I know your name!
Mouth: Come on, Brand! Slip her the tongue!
Stef: Oh, that's disgusting. Now I can't even look.
Chunk: Listen, okay? You guys'll never believe me. There was two cop cars, okay? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!
Mikey: More amazing than the time Michael Jackson come over to your house to use the bathroom.
Brandon Walsh: More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?
Mouth: Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather's pizza, right?
Chunk: Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did.
Chunk: Mikey, Mikey, come on, our parents are worried. It's dinnertime. Why don't we go home?
Mikey: Home? What home? In a couple more hours, it ain't gonna be home anymore. Come on, guys, this is our time. Our last chance to see if there really is any rich stuff. We've got to.
[the Goonies are collecting coins from a wishing well]
Stef: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop! You can't do this.
Stef: Because these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams.
Mouth: Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back.
[Chunk drinks from a water cooler while the others try to figure out how to get through the floor]
Mouth: I've got an idea. Why don't we just spread chocolate all over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through?
Chunk: Okay, Mouth. I've taken all I can stand... and I can't stand no more!
[Chunk steps towards Mouth, knocks over the cooler, and tries to right it]
Chunk: I got it! I got it! I got it!
[Chunk rights the cooler, but the bottle falls off and breaks]
Chunk: I don't got it.
Everyone else: You klutz!
Chunk: Hope it's not a deposit bottle!
[Chunk looks at the map]
Chunk: Sixteen thirty-two. What is that? A year?
Mouth: No, it's your top score on Pole Position.
[Mouth is "translating" Mrs. Walsh's instructions for Rosalita]
Irene Walsh: Pants and shirts go in the... oh, forget about it. Just throw everything into cardboard boxes. Clark, can you really translate all that?
Mouth: For sure, Mrs. Walsh.
Mouth: [in Spanish] The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed go in the second drawer. And the heroin goes in the bottom drawer. Always separate the drugs.
Mikey: [the kids are arguing] Stop! We've got to get to the lowest point of the floor.
Brandon Walsh: Lowest point nothing, Mikey. Now let's go!
Stef: [Andy has accidentally kissed Mikey] OK, you kissed. Now tell.
Andy: There's something weird.
Stef: What? What is it?
Andy: Does Brand wear braces?
Andy: [Stef bursts into laughter] Why are you laughing? Stef, it was beautiful.
Stef: Next time you kiss him, do it with your eyes open. It's a whole different experience.
Mama Fratelli: The only thing we serve here is tongue! You boys like tongue?
Mama Fratelli: Four waters. Is that all?
Mouth: No! I want the veal scalopini.
Mikey: Shut up Mouth.
Mouth: I want a good fettucini alfredo. I want a bottle of fettucine, a 1981.
Mouth: [makes a kissing sound with his fingers]
Mama Fratelli: [grabs Mouth by the chin and puts a knife to his tongue] The only thing we serve is tongue. Do you boys like tongue?
Mama Fratelli: That's all? Sit down!
Stef: [to her parents] I lost my glasses.
Andy: [to her parents] Can I take piano lessons?
Stef: [Seeing a cannon ball rolling around a track] What the hell is that?
Mikey: It's another one of Willy's tricks. Get out of the way!
Chunk: Mikey, Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom in.
Mama Fratelli: Why not?
Chunk: Because they might have daddy longlegs and um... dead things, Mikey. DEAD THINGS!
Mikey: I swear on my life! They've got an... an 'IT!' A giant 'IT!' When it came into the light it was all gross and distorted, and, and...
Brandon Walsh: Yeah, kinda like your brain, right lame-o? Say goodbye to your little pals.
[after Mrs. Walsh's favorite statue falls, Chunk glues it on upside down]
Mikey: You idiot you glued it on upside down.
Chunk: It looks fine to me.
Irene Walsh: Brandon Walsh! If you don't bring those kids back I'm going to commit Harri Krishna!
Brandon Walsh: That's Hari Kari, Ma!
Chunk: [with potato chips in his mouth] You think your Mom's gonna notice?
Chunk: [more clearly] Do you think your Mom is going to notice? Notice that the statue's penis is missing.
Mikey: I wonder if she'll notice.
Chunk: That's what I said!
Mikey: Well, of course she'll notice. She notices everything.
[Chunk glued the statue's penis on upside-down]
Chunk: How's this?
Mikey: Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside-down!
Brandon Walsh: If God made it that way, you'd all be pissing in your faces!
Chunk: Looks fine to me.
Brandon Walsh: I'm gonna hit you so hard that when you wake up your clothes will be out of style!
Chunk: I just saw the most amazing thing in my entire life!
Mouth: First you gotta do the truffle shuffle.
Irene Walsh: Brandon I want you to keep your brother inside I don't want him to catch a cold.
Brandon Walsh: He should be put in a plastic bubble.
Irene Walsh: I'm serious Brandon! That's not funny. If he takes one step outside and you'll be in the deepest, absolutely the deepest, shi, shi, shi...
Brandon Walsh: Shit ma!
Irene Walsh: I don't like that language but that's exactly what you're going to be in, and you Data.
Irene Walsh: Data use the front door from now on okay? What is that?
Mikey: What are you doing? It took him 376 lawn jobs to get that bike! That's his most favorite thing in the world!
Mouth: Now it's his most flattest thing in the world. Let's go!
Brandon Walsh: My new tires! They popped my new tires those son of a... I'm going to kill...
[Brandon takes a little girl's bike]
Brandon Walsh: Thanks I owe you one.
Girl: My bike! I want my bike, I want my bike, I want my bike.
Mouth: Chunk, I'm pretty much ODing on all your bullshit stories!
Chunk: Hello, Sheriff's Office? I'd like to report a murder!
Sheriff: Hold on, hold on a minute. Is that you again, Lawrence?
Chunk: Listen, Sheriff, I know I've jerked you around before, but this is for real now. I'm in the Fratellis' basement, with this guy...
Sloth: Rocky Road? Heh Heh!
Sheriff: Yeah, like that time you told me about the fifty Iranian terrorists who took over all the Sizzler steakhouses in the city?
Chunk: Sloth, get back here! Sloth!
Sheriff: Just like that last prank about all those little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them?
[as Chunk follows Sloth, the phone cord rips out of the wall. The Sheriff hears a dial tone]
Chunk: [Data comes flying into the house knocking over everyone and Chunk grabs the statue of Michaelangelo's David] Hey! I bet you guys think I was going to drop it huh? I know you would think that from good ol Chunk
[Places the statue on the table and it falls off]
Brandon Walsh: You Idiot!
Mikey: Oh my god!
[runs over and picks up the statue]
Chunk: Look look! It's not broken. It's perfect! Ha ha!
Mikey: [sees that the statue's penis has broken off] Oh my GOD! That's my mom's most favorite piece!
[tries to put it back on]
Chunk: Oh my god.
Mouth: You wouldn't be here if it wasn't.
Mikey: Shut up Mouth!
Brandon Walsh: Shut up Mouth.
Andy: Do you think there's really any treasure here?
Mikey: Andy this whole ship is a treasure.
Stef: Data where are you going?
Data: I'm setting booty traps.
Stef: You mean booby traps?
Data: THATS WHAT I SAID! BOOBY TRAPS! God. These Guys!
Andy: Brand... What happened to your braces?
Brandon Walsh: Braces? I don't wear braces, Mikey wears bra... Mikey! That little...
[kisses him again]
[Chunk is running toward the road in the dead of night to find help]
Chunk: I'm not all alone in the dark. I like the dark. I love the dark.
[He ducks and crawls under a tree branch]
Chunk: But I hate nature! I HATE nature!
[while trying to escape the crumbling cave]
Mikey: What about the loot?
Brandon Walsh: What about our lives?
[Chunk and Sloth are chained up together]
Chunk: Hey, mister? Are you hungry? I got a Baby Ruth.
Sloth: Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth!
Chunk: Here you go.
[Chunk tosses the candy bar to Sloth and it hits him in the head. Both scream]
Chunk: I'm sorry, mister! I'm sorry!
[Sloth rips his chains out of the wall and goes to pick up the candy bar. Then, he realizes he's free]
Chunk: Gee, mister. You're even hungrier than I am.
Irene Walsh: Now, Rosalita, this is the attic. Mr. Walsh doesn't like anybody up here, ever. I guess that's why it's always open.
Mouth: [in Spanish] Translation - never go up there. It's filled with Mr. Walsh's *sexual torture devices*.
Irene Walsh: [to Rosalita] This is my supply closet. You'll find everything you need - brooms, dust pans, insect spray... I would really like the house clean when they tear it down. Clark, can you translate?
Mouth: ["translating" to Rosalita] If you do a bad job you'll be locked in here with the cockroaches for two weeks without food or water.
Irene Walsh: [to Mouth] You are so fluent in Spanish. That was so nice of you.
Mouth: "Nice" is my middle name, Mrs. Walsh.
Mikey: [to Andy after she hits a wrong note on the piano] It's OK, you're a Goonie and Goonies always make mistakes... just don't make any more.
Mouth: You know, I just want to say thank you. For offering to save my life.
Stef: Wow! Thank you it's a real moment. You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.
Mouth: Yeah and your looks kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up.
Stef: You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.
Mouth: Yeah and you looks are kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up.
Chunk: You guys, I'm hungry. I know when my stomach growls there's trouble.
Mouth: [examining coins in the well] President Lincoln... George Washington... Martin Sheen...
Stef: Martin Sheen? That's President Kennedy, you idiot!
Mouth: Well, same difference. I mean, he played Kennedy once.
Stef: [they hear a deep growling sound coming from behind a large, metal door] ... Chunk, I hope that was your stomach.
Mikey: No. That's the 'It.'
Chunk: Sounds like Kong.
Stef: Brand, God put that rock there for a purpose... and, um... I'm not so sure you should, um... move it...
Andy: [Watching Brand] Brand is being so sweet to me.
Stef: Oh come on, come on! Where are you? You're in the clouds and we are in a basement!
[Brandon runs out of the house, gets to his bike]
Irene Walsh: Brandon, don't you come home without your brother, or I'll commit Hare Krishna!
Brandon Walsh: That's "Harry Carry", ma.
Irene Walsh: That is exactly what I said!
Richard 'Data' Wang: [Falls through to ship's hold; group of Goonies ask if he's okay] Data's okay! Data's quite tired of falling and Data's tired of skeletons!
Brandon Walsh: Why didn't you use the stairs?
Richard 'Data' Wang: Use the stairs! Stairs! The stupid guys tell me to use the stairs when Data's falling. If Data's hurt, nobody cares anymore...
Mikey: [walks down the stairs] Data's okay...
Richard 'Data' Wang: Then some guy tells me I have stupid inventions. I've been spending months and months studying on them and inventing them. God!
Chunk: [the cave is falling down, the goonies are escaping with the help of Sloth] Sloth! Come on!
Sloth: Sloth love Chunk!
Chunk: I love you too and you're going to get crushed!
Mikey: Sorry, Dad, we had our hands on the future, but we gave it up just to save our own lives.
Jake Fratelli: [the Fratelis come across the bones of Chester Copperpot, Jake checks his wallet] Niente. Kids must've cleaned him out.
Mama Fratelli: Sure, right before they ate him!
Francis Fratelli: Stupid.
[Chunk and Sloth come across the out-of-control pipes]
Chunk: Yeah. Mikey's been through here, all right.
[Sloth grabs some pipes and pushes them up. He hears a car crash, a woman scream and sirens]
Francis Fratelli: [yanks off his toupee, as bats swarm] Watch your hair! Watch your hair! They're goin' for the hair!
Andy: [hysterically] I should've let him look at my body! Don't I have a beautiful body? Don't I have a beautiful body?
Brandon Walsh: You've got a great body.
Andy: How many more years do I have before I get all fat? Before my hair falls out? Before I look like him?
[the Goonies stumble upon Chester Copperpot's skeleton]
[Chunk finds the Fratellis' Cherokee]
Chunk: ORV. Bullet holes. Bullet holes?
Mikey: You idiot! You glued it upside down!
Chunk: It looks fine to me!
Brandon Walsh: If God would have made it like that, you would be peeing on your faces!
Richard 'Data' Wang: Pinchers of power! You guys! I've been saved by my Pinchers of Power!