Quotes

Elgin Perkins: Hello guys. I'm Mr Perkins, Troy's father.

Richard 'Data' Wang: We know who Troy is. He's that cheap guy.

Brandon Walsh: My dad's not home, Mr. Perkins.

Elgin Perkins: Is your mommy here?

Brandon Walsh: [scarcastically] No, actually she's out at the market buying Pampers for all us kids.

Elgin Perkins: [feigning laughing] Papers, Bill. You can give these to your father to read through and sign. I'll be by to pick them up in the morning.

Brandon Walsh: Thank you.

Elgin Perkins: Thank *you*.

Sloth: Mama!

Mama Fratelli: Come to mama Slothy, come on hmm?

Sloth: Mama, you've been bad.

Mama Fratelli: Oh, Slothy. I may have been bad. I may have kept you chained up in that room but it was for your own good.

Sloth: Yeah!

Mama Fratelli: You remember that song I used to sing to you?

Sloth: Yeah!

Mama Fratelli: You were little back then?

[singing]

Mama Fratelli: Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks the cradle will fall...

Sloth: Break! Fall!

Mama Fratelli: No! I only dropped once.

Sloth: Ahh!

Mama Fratelli: Well, maybe twice. No Sloth! Put me down!

Jake Fratelli: Francis, the lock. The lock!

Francis Fratelli: Let go of the handle.

Jake Fratelli: I don't have the handle! Open the lock!

Mama Fratelli: Jake, up! Come on, move it!

[Mikey calls for a bathroom break]

Mikey: Okay, this is the little boys' room, and that cave over there is the little girls' room.

[Brandon heads to a different cave]

Mikey: Brand, where're you going?

Brandon Walsh: This is the *men's* room.

Mama Fratelli: There it is. Okay, Jake, you first.

Jake Fratelli: I ain't going down there, Mama. Are you kidding me?

Mama Fratelli: [pulls out her gun and points it at Jake] GO!

Jake Fratelli: I can't argue with that, Mama.

Chunk: whats all the stuff in the attic?

Mikey: It has something to do with my dad being the assistant curly, curny.

Brandon Walsh: [smacking Mikey on the back of the head] Curator.

Mikey: That's what I said.

Andy: [whispers softly] Let's go this way.

Brandon Walsh: What are you? Crazy? They're here.

Andy: [hysterically] They're here, they're here, they're here, they're here.

[Brand covers Andy's mouth]

Jake Fratelli: [whispering] There they are. Right there.

Brandon Walsh: [shouting to the others] It's the Fratellies. This way. Come on we've got to move! Let's go you guys. Don't fall behind. Let's move.

Mama Fratelli: [to Mouth] You're so quiet all of a sudden you're the one they call "Mouth" aren't you?

Mouth: [mumbling] Mmm mm!

Mama Fratelli: [Mama Fratelli proceeds to pull a very long pearl necklace out of Mouth's mouth] Oh my god! OH MY GOD! Is that all?

Mouth: [mumbles] Mmm hmm.

[Mama Frateli smacks Mouth on the back of his head and he spits out the rest of his share of the jewels]

Andy: Watch this.

[Data's father takes a camera out of his jacket and proceeds to take a picture but the film falls out. Andy starts laughing]

Andy: He's just like his father.

Data: [in Chinese] That's okay daddy. You can't hug a photograph.

Mr. Wang: [in Chinese] You are my greatest invention.

[first lines]

Prison Guard: Lunchtime! The longer you animals bark, the colder your lunch gets. Come on, move it out. You too, down there! Hey, turkey!

Data: Hey any of you guys ever hear of Detroit?

Mikey: No.

Mouth: Sointenly! Where Motown started. It's also got the highest murder rate in the country.

Data: Well, let me tell you what. That's where we're going when we lose the house tomorrow.

Mikey: You shut up about that stuff, it'll never happen. My dad will fix it.

Brandon Walsh: Yeah sure he will. If he gets his next 400 paychecks by tommorrow afternoon.

Mikey: That's wrong Brand! It won't happen.

Francis Fratelli: Sloth stop that.

Jake Fratelli: Do you remember when we took you to the Bronx Zoo and left you there?

Francis Fratelli: We've never been to the Bronx Zoo!

Jake Fratelli: Do you remember the time we were going to get your teeth fixed and we spent all of the money on Francis's toupee?

Francis Fratelli: I DON'T WEAR A hair piece!

[the Fratellis are interrogating Chunk]

Francis Fratelli: Tell us everything! Everything!

Chunk: Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

Jake Fratelli: I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!

Mama Fratelli: [tired of Chunk's stalling] Hit puree!

Mikey: Goonies never say die!

Richard 'Data' Wang: Hey I've got a great idea you guys! Slick shoes!

Mikey, Mouth: [together] Slick shoes? ARE YOU CRAZY?

Andy: DATA!

Francis Fratelli: [Jake tries to push Francis over the log] DON'T PUSH JAKE!

Jake Fratelli: I'm not pushing Francis now hurry up!

Mama Fratelli: [after Francis slips and falls on his crotch] Francis sweetheart are you okay?

Francis Fratelli: [High pitched voice] NOOOOOOO!

[Brand and Andy are about to kiss after falling down]

Chunk: Shame, shame!

Data: I know your name!

Mouth: Come on, Brand! Slip her the tongue!

Stef: Oh, that's disgusting. Now I can't even look.

Chunk: Listen, okay? You guys'll never believe me. There was two cop cars, okay? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!

Mikey: More amazing than the time Michael Jackson come over to your house to use the bathroom.

Brandon Walsh: More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?

Mouth: Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather's pizza, right?

Chunk: Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did.

[the Goonies are collecting coins from a wishing well]

Stef: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop! You can't do this.

Data: Why?

Mikey: Why?

Stef: Because these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams.

Mouth: Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back.

[Chunk looks at the map]

Chunk: Sixteen thirty-two. What is that? A year?

Mouth: No, it's your top score on Pole Position.

Mikey: [the kids are arguing] Stop! We've got to get to the lowest point of the floor.

Brandon Walsh: Lowest point nothing, Mikey. Now let's go!

Stef: [Andy has accidentally kissed Mikey] OK, you kissed. Now tell.

Andy: There's something weird.

Stef: What? What is it?

Andy: Does Brand wear braces?

Andy: [Stef bursts into laughter] Why are you laughing? Stef, it was beautiful.

Stef: Next time you kiss him, do it with your eyes open. It's a whole different experience.

Andy: I hit the wrong note. I'm not Liberace you know!

Mama Fratelli: Four waters. Is that all?

Mouth, Mikey: [everyone else says yes]

Mouth: No! I want the veal scalopini.

Mikey: Shut up Mouth.

Mouth: I want a good fettucini alfredo. I want a bottle of fettucine, a 1981.

Mouth: [makes a kissing sound with his fingers]

Mama Fratelli: [grabs Mouth by the chin and puts a knife to his tongue] The only thing we serve is tongue. Do you boys like tongue?

[laughes]

Mouth, Mikey: [others say no]

Mama Fratelli: That's all? Sit down!

Stef: [Seeing a cannon ball rolling around a track] What the hell is that?

Mikey: It's another one of Willy's tricks. Get out of the way!

Data: Holy S-H-I-T!

Mouth: Senior Jerk Alert!

Mama Fratelli: Kids suck.

Irene Walsh: Brandon Walsh! If you don't bring those kids back I'm going to commit Harri Krishna!

Brandon Walsh: That's Hari Kari, Ma!

[Chunk glued the statue's penis on upside-down]

Chunk: How's this?

Mikey: Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside-down!

Brandon Walsh: If God made it that way, you'd all be pissing in your faces!

Chunk: Looks fine to me.

Chunk: I just saw the most amazing thing in my entire life!

Mouth: First you gotta do the truffle shuffle.

Irene Walsh: Brandon I want you to keep your brother inside I don't want him to catch a cold.

Brandon Walsh: He should be put in a plastic bubble.

Irene Walsh: I'm serious Brandon! That's not funny. If he takes one step outside and you'll be in the deepest, absolutely the deepest, shi, shi, shi...

Brandon Walsh: Shit ma!

Irene Walsh: I don't like that language but that's exactly what you're going to be in, and you Data.

Data: Data

Irene Walsh: Data use the front door from now on okay? What is that?

Brandon Walsh: My new tires! They popped my new tires those son of a... I'm going to kill...

[Brandon takes a little girl's bike]

Brandon Walsh: Thanks I owe you one.

Girl: My bike! I want my bike, I want my bike, I want my bike.

Chunk: Ah, Shit!

Chunk: Hello, Sheriff's Office? I'd like to report a murder!

Sheriff: Hold on, hold on a minute. Is that you again, Lawrence?

Chunk: Listen, Sheriff, I know I've jerked you around before, but this is for real now. I'm in the Fratellis' basement, with this guy...

Sloth: Rocky Road? Heh Heh!

Sheriff: Yeah, like that time you told me about the fifty Iranian terrorists who took over all the Sizzler steakhouses in the city?

Chunk: Sloth, get back here! Sloth!

Sheriff: Just like that last prank about all those little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them?

[as Chunk follows Sloth, the phone cord rips out of the wall. The Sheriff hears a dial tone]

Sheriff: Lawrence?

Mouth: C'mon Mikey, give me a lickery kiss!

Andy: Do you think there's really any treasure here?

Mikey: Andy this whole ship is a treasure.

Andy: Brand... What happened to your braces?

Brandon Walsh: Braces? I don't wear braces, Mikey wears bra... Mikey! That little...

Andy: Shhh!

[kisses him again]

Data: I am wondering... what is in the bag?

[while trying to escape the crumbling cave]

Mikey: What about the loot?

Brandon Walsh: What about our lives?

Irene Walsh: Now, Rosalita, this is the attic. Mr. Walsh doesn't like anybody up here, ever. I guess that's why it's always open.

Mouth: [in Spanish] Translation - never go up there. It's filled with Mr. Walsh's *sexual torture devices*.

Mikey: [to Andy after she hits a wrong note on the piano] It's OK, you're a Goonie and Goonies always make mistakes... just don't make any more.

Stef: You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.

Mouth: Yeah and you looks are kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up.

Chunk: You guys, I'm hungry. I know when my stomach growls there's trouble.

Stef: [they hear a deep growling sound coming from behind a large, metal door] ... Chunk, I hope that was your stomach.

Mikey: No. That's the 'It.'

Chunk: Sounds like Kong.

Andy: [Watching Brand] Brand is being so sweet to me.

Stef: Oh come on, come on! Where are you? You're in the clouds and we are in a basement!

Richard 'Data' Wang: [Falls through to ship's hold; group of Goonies ask if he's okay] Data's okay! Data's quite tired of falling and Data's tired of skeletons!

Brandon Walsh: Why didn't you use the stairs?

Richard 'Data' Wang: Use the stairs! Stairs! The stupid guys tell me to use the stairs when Data's falling. If Data's hurt, nobody cares anymore...

Mikey: [walks down the stairs] Data's okay...

Richard 'Data' Wang: Then some guy tells me I have stupid inventions. I've been spending months and months studying on them and inventing them. God!

Mikey: Sorry, Dad, we had our hands on the future, but we gave it up just to save our own lives.

Chunk: [after Sloth kisses him] Man! You smell like Phys Ed!

Francis Fratelli: [yanks off his toupee, as bats swarm] Watch your hair! Watch your hair! They're goin' for the hair!

Andy: [hysterically] I should've let him look at my body! Don't I have a beautiful body? Don't I have a beautiful body?

Brandon Walsh: You've got a great body.

Andy: How many more years do I have before I get all fat? Before my hair falls out? Before I look like him?

[the Goonies stumble upon Chester Copperpot's skeleton]

Mikey: You idiot! You glued it upside down!

Chunk: It looks fine to me!

Brandon Walsh: If God would have made it like that, you would be peeing on your faces!