Memorable quotes for
Top Secret! (1984) More at IMDbPro »

Hillary Flammond: My uncle was born in America.
Nick Rivers: Oh, really?
Hillary Flammond: But he was one of the lucky ones. He managed to escape in a balloon during the Jimmy Carter presidency.

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[Doctor Flamond is being rescued]
Doctor Flamond: How ironic. Another day and I would have completed my tunnel.

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Hillary Flammond: Only a year ago, I was teaching a course in black history at the University of Blaupunkt.

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Hillary Flammond: I know a little German. He's sitting over there.

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Deja Vu: Nigel, what are you saying?
Nigel: How do we know he's NOT Mel Torme?

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Nick Rivers: Is this the potato farm?
Albert Potato, Resistance Member: Yes, I'm Albert Potato.

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Nick Rivers: Listen to me Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground.
Hillary Flammond: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.
[Long pause. Both look at camera]

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Hillary Flammond: People change, hairstyles change, interest rates fluctuate.

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German teaching tape: Die Sauerkraut ist in mein Lederhosen.

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[last lines]
Hillary Flammond: And I'll miss you most of all scarecrow.

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[the East German national anthem]
All: Hail, hail East Germany / Land of fruit and grape / Land where you'll regret / If you try to escape / No matter if you tunnel under or take a running jump at the wall / Forget it, the guards will kill you, if the electrified fence doesn't first.

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Nick Rivers: Hillary. That's an unusual name.
Hillary Flammond: It's a German name. It means 'she whose bosoms defy gravity'.
Nick Rivers: I'm pleased to meet you. My name's Nick.
Hillary Flammond: Nick? What does that mean?
Nick Rivers: Oh, nothing. My dad thought of it while he was shaving.

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[Introducing his men]
Du Quois: This is Chevalier, Montage, Detente, Avant Garde, and Deja Vu.
Deja Vu: Haven't we met before?
Nick Rivers: I don't think so.
Du Quois: Over there, Croissant, Souffle, Escargot, and Chocolate Mousse.

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Martin: Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. I even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm.

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Hillary Flammond: Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament?
Blindman: In women's tennis, I always root against the heterosexual.

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Doctor Flamond: If they find out you've seen this, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory.

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Blindman: What phony dog poo?

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[on train at checkpoint]
Nick Rivers: Where are they taking him?
Colonel von Horst: They are not taking him anywhere.
[gunshot is heard off screen]

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General Streck, German High Command: ...And once again, Germany will be united under one rule - OURS. After Sunday, there will be no one to stop us.

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Nick Rivers: Do you mind if I have a swig of this?
[picks up bottle]
Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member: Go right ahead.
Nick Rivers: [takes a mouthful, spits in disgust] What the hell is this stuff?
Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member: Gasoline.
[laughs and takes a swig himself]

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Du Quois: [shouts] Latrine.

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Latrine, Resistance Member: [throws dead carrier pigeon on table]
Latrine, Resistance Member: We have a traitor in our midst.
Deja Vu: Well done, Latrine. I see that you have taken care of him appropriately.
Du Quois: [looks at Deja Vu] Not the bird, you fool! This is a carrier pigeon on its way to the German Headquarters.

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[Nick and Hillary arrive at the Potato Farm. Shetland pony is coughing]
Nick Rivers: What's wrong with him?
Wagon Driver: Oh, he caught a cold last week and he's just a little hoarse.

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Colonel von Horst: [reporting on Nick's interrogation] They're still working on him. He won't break. We've tried everything! Do you want me to bring out the Leroy Nieman paintings?
General Streck, German High Command: No. We cannot risk violating the Geneva Convention!

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General Streck, German High Command: [talking on the phone] What is the condition of Sergeant Kruger?
[pause]
General Streck, German High Command: Very well, let me know if there is any change in his condition.
[Hangs up]
General Streck, German High Command: He's dead.

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Du Quois: Nigel made me go back to the meter shed. He ordered me to set off the alarms.
Deja Vu: And what does he want us to do now?
Du Quois: Nothing you numbskull, Nigel's the traitor!

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Blindman: Here, smell this flower. It never fails to amuse at parties.

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Deja Vu: Don't take it so hard Nick, life is filled with it's little miseries, each of us in his own way must learn to deal with adversity in a mature and adult fashion.
[Sneezes into hands screams, and jumps out a window]

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Blindman: Souvenirs, novelties, party tricks. Souvenirs, novelties, party tricks.

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Nick Rivers: They'd have enough salt to last forever.

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Nigel: Good work, Chocolate Mousse.

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Agent Cedric: [sidling up to Blindman] Know any good white basketball players?
Blindman: There are no good white basketball players.

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Albert Potato, Resistance Member: [watching Nick perform in Der Pizza Haus] This in *not* Mel Torme!

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General Streck, German High Command: Stamp from the East German Headquarters: 'Find Him And Kill Him'

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Du Quois: Nigel made me return to the meter shed! He forced me to activate the alarm!
Deja Vu: And what does he want us to do now?
Du Quois: Nothing, you idiot! Nigel is the traitor!

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Du Quois: Nick, whether you make it back or not, that plane must take off with Dr. Flammond at 1800 hours.
Deja Vu: That's why we recommend you be there at least 45 minutes before departure, especially at this time of year.

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