[Paramedic checks for Ditto's pulse]
Paramedic: This guy's dead.
School Nurse: [holding a lit cigarette] Really? How can you tell?
Lisa: [Lisa has just handed Alex a subpoena while he is in the men's room]
Lisa: It really is good to see you, Mr. Jurel.
Alex Jurel: Considering how much you've seen, who don't you call me Alex?
Alex Jurel: [to his class] All right, if you're not here, speak up.
[the class laughs]
Diane: [Jurel has taken Diane to have an abortion] Listen, can I bum a cigarette?
Alex Jurel: Diane, look, I don't think...
Diane: [interrupting] Mr. Jurel, I just had an abortion. I think I'm old enough to smoke.
Roger Rubell: [to Troy] How can you be so stupid, huh? Would you tell me how you can be so damn stupid? As if we don't have enough problems. We're in the middle of a lawsuit, buddy. Three girls - three of our own students. Why don't you go to some other school and get their girls pregnant? You know what this is gonna do to the school? You know how it's gonna look? Teamwork, Troy, does not mean going out and starting your own team.
Dr. Donna Burke: We, the board members present, think that you should tender your resignation.
Alex Jurel: My resignation? What for?
Dr. Donna Burke: Because, Mr. Jurel, no one here wants to go through the pain of firing you.
Alex Jurel: There's nothing worse than a female lawyer with a cause.
Lisa: Except a male teacher without one.
Roger Revel: We're not here to worry about one kid, we're trying to get as many through with what we've got.
Roger Revel: You're not gonna betray ol' JFK, are ya?
Alex Jurel: Aw, come on, for Christ's sake, Roger! That'd be like shitting on the Peace Corps! You haven't lived 'till you see them try to serve me with a subpoena.
Dr. Donna Burke: Just what the hell are you guys running here, a g**d*** zoo? I'm in the middle of a fundraiser breakfast when I'm informed that your school psychologist has flipped out in the middle of your g**d*** office. And, then I get here and find out that there has been a stabbing, and if that's not enough, one of your kids tries to eat one of your g**d*** teachers. Mr. Rubell, what the hell do you call that?
Roger Rubell: Monday.