Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
Lamar Latrell, Tri-Lam: Clap your hands everybody, and everybody clap your hands. We're Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu. We come here on stage tonight to do our show for you. We got a rockin' rhythm and a hi-tech sound that'll make you move your body down to the ground. We got Poindexter on the violin, and Lewis and Gilbert will be joining in. We got Booger Presley on the mean guitar and a rap by little ol' me Lamar. We got Takashi beating on his gong, the boys and the Mu's are clapping along. And just when you thought, ya seen it all, along comes a Lambda four foot tall. So Wormser come on out here on the floor, so we can move our bodies, like never before. Break!
Stan Gable: What are you looking at, nerd?
Booger: [to himself] I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche-bag, but that's in Ohio.
Dean Ulich: Frankly, I'm not too wild about this next even but it has become a tradition here at Adams: The Belching Contest.
[the crowd cheers]
Dean Ulich: First up, Frederick Palowakski.
Fred "The Ogre" Palowakski, Alpha Beta: [grunting] It's "Ogre" you asshole!
Dean Ulich: "Ogre, you asshole.", uh "Ogre".
[Booger is teaching Takashi poker]
Takashi: I think I've got a frush.
Booger: What the fuck's a frush?
Takashi: [showing his royal flush] A *frush*.
Booger: [showing his cards] Oh, well I've got two sevens and two sevens beats a frush.
Takashi: Oh, thank you.
Gibert: I just wanted to say that I'm a nerd, and I'm here tonight to stand up for the rights of other nerds. I mean uh, all our lives we've been laughed at and made to feel inferior. And tonight, those bastards, they trashed our house. Why? Cause we're smart? Cause we look different? Well, we're not. I'm a nerd, and uh, I'm pretty proud of it.
Lewis: Hi, Gilbert. I'm a nerd too. I just found that out tonight. We have news for the beautiful people. There's a lot more of us than there are of you. I know there's alumni here tonight. When you went to Adams you might've been called a spazz, or a dork, or a geek. Any of you that have ever felt stepped on, left out, picked on, put down, whether you think you're a nerd or not, why don't you just come down here and join us. Okay? Come on.
Gibert: Just join us cos uh, no-one's gonna really be free until nerd persecution ends.
[Lewis and Gilbert are discussing Gilbert's girlfriend, innocently]
Booger: Big deal! Did you get in her pants?
Gibert: She's not that kind of girl, Booger.
Booger: Why? Does she have a penis?
Coach Harris: You know, when you were a baby in your crib, your father looked down at you, he had but one hope - some day my son will grow to be a man. Well look at you now. You just got your asses whipped by a bunch of goddamn nerds.
Coach Harris: *Nerds*! Well, if I was you, I'd do something about it. I would get up and redeem myself in the eyes of my father, my maker, and my *coach*!
Arnold Poindexter, Tri-Lam: Wait - would you rather live in the ascendancy of a civilization or during its decline?
Omega Mu: Poindexter, do you wanna fuck, or not?
[she jumps all over him]
Lewis: [planning the party] Do any of you have dates, besides Gilbert?
Lamar Latrell, Tri-Lam: I do!
Booger: Yeah, but that's with a guy.
Lewis: Well, what about you, Booger?
Booger: I've been out combing the High Schools all day!
Booger: [on Booger's T-shirt] "Gimme' Head Till I'm Dead"
Lewis: [in line at the Kissing Booth at the Homecoming Carnival] Hi, Betty.
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: A nerd? I'm not kissing a nerd.
Lewis: You have to. I paid my money.
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [Lewis tries to kiss Betty] It's time for my break.
Stan Gable: [Stan brings a short, fat, ugly woman, instead] Kiss this, nerd.
[Booger and Takeshi are trying to look at a naked girl who hides behind a large roommate]
Booger: Step aside momma, I wanna see some of that muff!
Takashi: Oh Hair pie! Hair pie!
Sergeant: See that man over there, we arrested him for mopery.
Booger: What's mopery?
Sergeant: Mopery is exposing yourself to a blind person.
[after the Alpha's treachery is revealed at the pep rally]
Dean Ulich: You know, Coach. I'm going to let the Lambdas live over at the Alpha Beta house while you and your boys rebuild theirs!
Danny Burke, Alpha Beta: Where are *we* supposed to live?
Fred "The Ogre" Palowakski, Alpha Beta: Yeah. What about *us*?
Dean Ulich: You're *jocks*! Go live in the gym!
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [blissfully] Oh, Stan. You were wonderful. You did things to me you've never done before.
[Lewis takes off his mask]
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [gasps] Ahhh! You're that NERD!
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [blissfully] Oh, you were wonderful.
[gasps in ecstacy]
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: Are all nerds as good as you?
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: How come?
Lewis: 'Cause all Jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever think about is sex.
Stan Gable: Those nerds are a threat to our way of life.
Judy: Maybe we should eat?
Harold Wormser: Maybe we should watch TV?
Booger: Hey guys...
[opens his leather jacket to reveal some Marijuana cigarettes]
Booger: ... wonder joints.
Takashi: Maybe we should have robster craws.
Booger: [adjusting his shirt] What the fuck are robster craws?
[Alpha Beta has been beaten by Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu]
Coach Harris: Stan.
Stan Gable: Yes, Coach.
Coach Harris: I want to see you, and the other girls, in the locker room, now!
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [in the Pi's bathroom] Listen, if Stan calls tell him I'll call him back, okay?
Lewis: [Betty opens the shower curtain and finds a peeping-tom Lewis; gasps] Panty Raid!
[Betty screaming; Lewis laughs, chasing her]
Betty Childs, Pi-Delta-Pi: [in joy, after kissing Lewis] I'm in love with a nerd!
Danny Burke, Alpha Beta: Well, let's get those nerds!
Stan Gable: [screams] Nerds!
Fred "The Ogre" Palowakski, Alpha Beta: [screaming] Nerds!
Stan Gable: What are we *waiting* for?
[the angry Alpha Beta mob storms out of the locker room towards the Tri-Lams house]
[rings door buzzer]
Mail Slot Man: [mail flap opens, revealing a pair of crazed eyes] Who's there?
Booger: [pauses] Ahhh, is...
Mail Slot Man: What do you want?
Booger: Is this the Stewart residence?
Mail Slot Man: Why are you here?
Booger: Ahh, I've come about the roo...
Mail Slot Man: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Booger: I've come about the roo...
Mail Slot Man: Don't have, no way!
Booger: I - I, uh, do you have a room for rent?
Mail Slot Man: Not for rent!
Booger: I thought it was for rent!
Mail Slot Man: Fuck off!
[mail flap closes]
[Lewis shows the nerds their new home. An abandoned and dilapidated house]
Lewis: Isn't she beautiful?
[the nerds give him confused and angry looks, Lewis smiles at them]
Gibert: We're college men now, right?
Mr. Skolnick: Right!
[Mr. Skolnick lighty punches Gilbert]
Gibert: [laughs] Ow...
[Orge snatches a pie from a nerd customer]
Fred "The Ogre" Palowakski, Alpha Beta: Thanks wimp, get yourself one!