Night of the Comet (1984)
Samantha Belmont: You were born with an asshole, Doris, you don't need Chuck.
Regina Belmont: Come on Hector, the MAC-10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives.
[When her MAC-10 jams during target practice]
Samantha Belmont: See, this is the problem with these things. Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.
[after shooting one of his friends]
Regina Belmont: You're crazy!
Willy: I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck.
Davenport: [coaxing the children for a shot] You'll just fall asleep and then you'll see Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
Brian: I don't believe in Santa Claus.
Dr. Carter: What? You don't believe in Santa?
Dr. Carter: Are you pregnant?
Regina Belmont: No. Thought I was once.
Dr. Carter: That's not important.
Regina Belmont: Longest three weeks of my life.
Samantha Belmont: [calling across the street to the others after Regina pushes the crosswalk button] What are you waiting for?
Hector Gomez: We're waiting for the light to change.
Regina Belmont: We DO NOT cross against the light!
Samantha Belmont: [looks at the red crosswalk light] Are you nuts, auntie Regina?
Regina Belmont: [sighs] You may as well face the facts Samantha. The whole burden of civilization has fallen upon us.
Samantha Belmont: What's that supposed to mean?
Regina Belmont: It MEANS we do not cross against the light!
Samantha Belmont: [walks out into the street] That's totally stupid, there's nobody here! See, we're talking ghost town!
Regina Belmont: [a convertible comes speeding around the corner, Samantha jumps out of the way to avoid getting hit, Regina says to Brian] See what happens?
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: [the convertible turns around and comes to a stop by Samantha] God, I'm sorry but you shouldn't cross against the light like that.
Willy: If bachlorette number one isn't out here in half a tick, I'm gonna ice bachlorette number two, got it?
Willy: You wouldn't believe what we want from you. In your worst nightmare, you wouldn't believe. Let's play a game, it's called scary noises.
Samantha Belmont: You're not gonna blame me because the phone went dead. I'm not the phone company. Nobody's the phone company anymore!
Party Guest: In 1910, Halley's Comet Returned. Everyone thought they were going to die then.
Samantha Belmont: They're around.
Regina Belmont: They're not around.
Samantha Belmont: Look, if you're trying to scare me, you're doing it okay?
Regina Belmont: I'm not trying to scare you.
Samantha Belmont: Then stop it!
Regina Belmont: I'm not doing it! You try calling someone. Not just your pep squad. Anyone. Nobody's home!
Hector Gomez: [shouting at government scientists] Hey! Think tank, huh?
Regina Belmont: [to Hector] Uh, couldn't we just, like, leave?
Hector Gomez: [giving them the finger] Think over this!
Regina Belmont: Do you have your MasterCard on you?
Samantha Belmont: No.
Regina Belmont: Good, because you don't need it. THE STORES ARE OPEN!
Mel: I want you to take this flashlight and walk the house.
Regina Belmont: But Mel, they throw things at me!
Mel: I don't want those weirdos ripping up the seats.
Regina Belmont: Have you ever been hit with Dots? Milk Duds? Those things hurt, you know!
Mel: Take flashlight. Walk house. Now!
Guard #2: She's dead.
Hector Gomez: Hell, she ain't dead. This doctor shot her up with sodium pentothal to make this fellow think she was dead. So you wouldn't suck the blood outta her, you bastard.
Larry Dupree: If he calls, you tell him that I'm on my way down there and that I'm very, very, very, very pissed!
Regina Belmont: What about my fifteen bucks?
Larry Dupree: Tell him you're pissed, too!
Regina Belmont: [sitting on police car] What are you going to do when your complexion freaks out? Dermatologist is dead, ya know?
Samantha Belmont: I know, and I'm getting a rash or something too.
Regina Belmont: Oh, God! You and your rashes!
Samantha Belmont: Hey, I'm sorry if the end of the world makes me a little nervous.
[the Monster Kid smashes his way through the door with his fists]
Hector Gomez: Geez! There goes the neighborhood.
Samantha Belmont: So you guys are geniuses?
Audrey White: Yeah - or we thought we were.
Samantha Belmont: We had a couple of geniuses at school... they're both wimps.
[the Monster jumps out from the Alley]
Regina Belmont: Whoa... what is this, trick or treat?
Monster in Alley: Come here!
Regina Belmont: Wh-what?
Monster in Alley: COME HERE!
Regina Belmont: "Come here" your ass!
Sarah: [to the scientist who want her to breathe nitrous oxide] I don't know, my parents told me never to breathe anything from strangers.
Regina Belmont: [Regina comes in to rescue the kids with a revolver] Hey, get your hands up.
[the scientists and kids raise their hands and Regina picks up the toy bunny Sarah dropped]
Regina Belmont: What are you guys doing?
Sarah: They said if we breathe this, we can go to the North Pole to see Santa Clause.
Regina Belmont: That's so sick!
Samantha Belmont: [Samantha appears out of nowhere] Hey!
[Regina turns and fires at the voice, Samantha narrowly ducks and avoids the shot]
Samantha Belmont: Holy shit!
Regina Belmont: Sam?
Samantha Belmont: [with her hands up] I give, I give.
Regina Belmont: They said you were dead!
Samantha Belmont: [with a triumphant smile] They were exaggerating totally.
Regina Belmont: [running to Hector's car] Come on kids!
Hector Gomez: Who are the kids?
Brian: I'm Brian!
Sarah: I'm Sarah!
Regina Belmont: Yeah, and I'm aunt Reg, and that's aunt Sam, and that's uncle Hector.
Sarah: Can I have my bunny?
Regina Belmont: In a minute! Beat feet uncle Hector.
Hector Gomez: Uncle Hector?
Sarah: Hey, it's MY bunny you know.
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: [Danny stops next to Samantha after he almost hit her with his Mercedes convertible] Gawd, I'm sorry but you shouldn't cross against the light like that. Hey, you guys are survivors too, huh?
Samantha Belmont: [looks upward and mouths] Thank you.
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: What?
Samantha Belmont: Nothing. Great car!
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Thanks, I have 23 of em'. You want to go for a ride?
Samantha Belmont: More than you know.
Hector Gomez: [to Regina] We don't know anything about this guy. Where's he from? What's his name?
Samantha Belmont: What's your name?
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Danny Mason Keener.
Samantha Belmont: [to the others] Danny Mason Keener, okay?
Regina Belmont: Yeah, alright, well - just be back by midnight, okay?
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: Midnight?
Samantha Belmont: [with mock sincerity] The burden of civilization is on us, okay?
Danny Mason Kenner aka DMK: [smiling] Oh yeah. Bitchin', isn't it?
Samantha Belmont: [to Regina] I just had it out with Doris once and for all again.
Narrator: Since before recorded time, it had swung through the universe in an elliptical orbit so large that its very existence remained a secret of time and space; but now in the last few years of the 20th century, the visitor was returning. The citizens of earth would get an extra Christmas present this year as their planet orbited through the tail of the comet. Scientists predicted a light show of stellar proportions, something not seen on earth for 65 million years, indeed not since the time that the dinosaurs disappeared, virtually overnight. There were a few who saw this as more than just a coincidence, but most didn't...
Samantha Belmont: So did you make it with him last night?
Regina Belmont: Who?
Samantha Belmont: The Good Humor man, who do you think?
Regina Belmont: Geez, is that what's bugging you?
Samantha Belmont: That's no answer, man!
Regina Belmont: No I didn't make it with him last night. Why are you so weirded out?
Samantha Belmont: Oh right Reg, why should I be weirded out? My sister, who swiped every guy I ever had my eye on, has now swiped the last guy in the whole freaked out world!
Samantha Belmont: Doris, Reggie's on the phone.
Doris Belmont: She's not having car trouble?
Samantha Belmont: She's going to be out all night with her science class at the observatory. I know all about it.
Regina Belmont: Yeah. Hi, Doris.
Doris Belmont: What's this about a science class, Regina?
Regina Belmont: Well, you want me to do better in science don't you?
Doris Belmont: I want you home in 5 minutes after you finish work. If you want to watch the comet, you can do it here.
Regina Belmont: Look, Doris. Like, I'm 18 okay? And I can watch the comet where ever I want to watch the comet.