Quotes

Bill the Frog: I'll pick up the bill today, Gil.

Gil the Frog: Would you like something from the grill, Jill?

Jill the Frog: No, meat makes me ill, Gil.

[Masterson Rat is infatuated with Brooke Shields]

Brooke Shields: Is something wrong?

Masterson Rat: Do you believe in interspecies dating?

Brooke Shields: Well, I've dated some rats before, if that's what you mean.

[Masterson faints]

Pete: Hey, I tell you what is. Big city, hmm? Live, work, huh? But not city only. Only peoples. Peoples is peoples. No is buildings. Is tomatoes, huh? Is peoples, is dancing, is music, is potatoes. So, peoples is peoples. Okay?

[On Manhattan Melodies]

Bernard Crawford: Just because the whole thing is crazy doesn't mean it won't make it on Broadway!

Janice: [talks on phone] So I told him "Listen, buddy, I don't take my clothes off for anybody, even if it IS artistic".

[the Swedish Chef is the popcorn vender at a movie theater showing a 3D film]

The Swedish Chef: Yaa da poppin' corn is...

[throws popcorn in the air]

The Swedish Chef: 3D! Da corn is popping in your face inna...

[throws popcorn in his own face]

The Swedish Chef: 3-D!

Kermit the Frog: Piggy? I thought Gonzo was going to play the minister.

[Miss Piggy answers with a nervous, guilty laugh]

Mr. Skeffington: Snookums prefers the rubber Wall Street Journal to the rubber Washington Post.

Rowlf: Don't we all?

Ronnie Crawford: Well I told you... I want to do something different!

Bernard Crawford: So put some Jell-O down your pants!

Gonzo: Maybe we should add more special effects like exploding socks.

[Gonzo uses mouth-to-mouth resuicitation on his chicken]

Miss Piggy: Gonzo, is Camilla all right?

Gonzo: Yeah, but I think we're engaged!

[at the beginning of the movie during the play, Animal chases a young lady up a seating aisle]

Animal: WOMAN! WOMAN! WOMAN! WOMAN!

[he turns around and looks at the audience]

Animal: WOMAN! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[the Muppets have shacked up in bus station lockers]

Janice: I'll trade with anyone who has a Jacuzzi.

Policeman: Hey! Watch it!

Kermit the Frog: Oh, sorry. I gotta get a contract so I can go out and kill 'em.

Policeman: [dismissing his suspicion after a moment] Nahhhhh!

Rizzo the Rat: What's this supposed to be?

Pete: Is grits! Grits! Hominy grits!

Rizzo the Rat: How should I know how many? Count 'em yourself.

Pete: Rats want job. Frog want job. What next, penguins?

[a group of penguins peek through the door]

Penguin: Do you have any jobs available?

Pete, Kermit, and the Rats: No!

Penguin: Well, excuse us for living!

Dog in kennel: [to Snookums] Hey, Squishy Bottom!

Fozzie Bear: Hey, Kermit. Can our friends watch the show from backstage?

Kermit the Frog: What? No! No, they cannot watch the show from backstage. That's it! That's what's been missing from the show! That's what we need! More frogs and dogs and bears and chickens and... and whatever! You're not gonna watch the show, you're gonna be in the show! Come on, everyone!

Kermit the Frog: Why don't you try something like: Ocean Breeze Soap will get you clean.

Jill the Frog: You mean just say what the product does?

Gil the Frog: No one's ever tried that before.

Kermit the Frog: [whispering] Piggy, I thought Gonzo was gonna play the minister.

Miss Piggy: [laughs]

The Minister: [singing] Do you, Piggy, take this frog to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you?

Miss Piggy: [singing] I do.

The Minister: [singing] Do you, Froggie, take this pig to be your lawful wedded wife until you die?

Kermit the Frog: [hesitantly singing] Well... I...

The Minister: [singing] Do you?

Kermit the Frog: [as everyone else listens intently for his decision, still singing] Well... I do.

The Minister: [singing] Then because you share a love so big, I now pronounce you Frog and Pig.

Kermit the Frog: [after being taken hostage] Gonzo, are you alright?

Gonzo: I just saw my life flash before my nose!

Rizzo the Rat: [Rizzo walks by with a plate of food] Gangway! Coming through! Hey Watch it, will ya?

Fozzie Bear: Hey, that waiter's a rat!

Floyd: I'm glad we got no money, now I got no appetite.

Roller Skater: Can I get my skates back please?

Kermit the Frog: Hey, hey just a second. How did you know about that "toupe"?

Miss Piggy: None of your beeswax!

Kermit the Frog: Hey have you been spying on me?

Roller Skater: I'll unlace them, while you fight. It's no trouble.

Kermit the Frog: Piggy! Have you been spying on me?

Miss Piggy: Maybe spying on vous and that certain young girl of the opposite gender.

Roller Skater: You two-timing her?

Kermit the Frog: No that's just Jenny. She's a friend. She's a friend and she's been trying to help me sell the show.

Miss Piggy: Ha!

Roller Skater: [to Piggy] He's gotta sell the show.

[to Kermit]

Roller Skater: What show?

Miss Piggy: Well if she is just a friend then what about the... the huggies?

Kermit the Frog: What?

Roller Skater: [shocked] The Huggies! You gave Jenny the huggies?

Miss Piggy: You know maybe, maybe Kermit, maybe it would have been better if we had never have met. Then, then you and Jenny would not be tormented by my presence.

[sobbing]

Kermit the Frog: Oh gee.

Roller Skater: See what the huggies'll getcha?