Kate: Now I have another reason to hate Christmas.
Billy Peltzer: What are you talking about?
Kate: The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.
Randall Peltzer: Well, that's the story. So if your air conditioner goes on the fritz or your washing machine blows up or your video recorder conks out; before you call the repairman turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds, 'cause you never can tell there just might be a gremlin in your house.
[at start of film, Mr. Peltzer is willing to pay $200 for Mogwai]
Grandfather: I'm sorry. Mogwai not for sale.
Randall Peltzer: Why not? You said everything in your grandfather's store was for sale.
Grandfather: With Mogwai, comes much responsibility. I cannot sell him at any price.
[at end of film after tons of mayhem errupted and is being shown on the news]
Grandfather: I warned you. With mogwai comes much responsibility. But you didn't listen.
[gestures at television]
Grandfather: And you see what happens.
Randall Peltzer: I'm sorry. I didn't mean it...
Grandfather: You do with mogwai what your society... has done with all of nature's gifts. You do not understand.
[entire Peltzer family is speechless with guilt]
Grandfather: You are not ready.
Chinese Boy: Look Mister, there are some rules that you've got to follow.
Billy Peltzer: Yeah, what kind of rules?
Chinese Boy: First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it'll kill him. Second, don't give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight.
Kate: You say you hate Washington's Birthday or Thanksgiving and nobody cares, but you say you hate Christmas and people treat you like you're a leper.
Deputy Brent: Let me drive.
Sheriff Frank: No, you're drunk.
Deputy Brent: You always get to drive.
Sheriff Frank: That's cause I'm the sheriff, asshole.
Sheriff Frank: Tell me something, Billy. How come a cute little guy like this can turn into a thousand ugly monsters?
Billy Peltzer: Well, you see, this is before it enters the pupal stage.
Deputy Brent: The pupal stage?
Billy Peltzer: Yeah, right. Plus it multiplies with water.
Deputy Brent: Aw, Christ.
Sheriff Frank: Brent give the kid some water.
Billy Peltzer: I wouldn't do that, Sheriff.
Grandfather: He has something he wants to say to you.
Billy Peltzer: You mean you can understand what he says when he speaks?
Grandfather: To understand, one has only to listen.
Mr. Corben: What is that dog doing in here?
Gerald: Peltzer, this is a bank, not a pet-store.
Mr. Corben: Very good, Gerald.
Gerald: Thank you, Mr. Corben.
Billy Peltzer: Cover your mouth. Don't breathe any gas.
Pete: One, two, three, four, five new ones. NOW can I have one?
Billy Peltzer: I don't know, Pete.
Pete: Hey, look! That one's got a cute little stripe on its head. Hey, cutie.
[Pete attempts to pet the baby mogwai, who, in response, snarls and attempts to bite Pete]
Murry Futterman, Billy's neighbor: Goddamn foreign cars.
Kate: Will you sign this petition? They're trying to close Dorie's Tavern.
Billy Peltzer: Sure. That's where my dad proposed to my mom, you know.
Kate: That's where everyone's dad proposed to their mom.
[Concession Stand at Movie Theater, Stripe pears his head inside the empty popcorn bin, sniffing around]
[looks across the street and sees the candy store]
Stripe: AH. Yum. Yum.
Murry Futterman, Billy's neighbor: Goddamn foreign TV. I told ya we should've got a Zenith.
Ruby Deagle: I want your dog.
Billy Peltzer: Barney?
Ruby Deagle: Give him to me. I'll take him to the kennel, they'll put him to sleep. It will be quick and painless compared to what I would do to him.
Billy Peltzer: What could you do?
Ruby Deagle: I'll catch the beast myself. He'll get what he deserves, a slow painful death.Maybe I'll put him in my spin-drier on high heat.
Mr. Anderson: That would do it all right!
[Barney then jumps from the bank counter and smashes Mrs Deagle's snowman head and starts barking at her]
Ruby Deagle: Mrs Harris, what are you trying to tell me?
Mrs. Joe Harris: I'm afraid none of us can pay for two weeks. Couldn't you just get Mr.Corben to just give us a little more time?
Ruby Deagle: Mrs Harris, the bank and I have the same purpose in life - to make money. Not to support a lot of... deadbeats!
Mrs. Joe Harris: Mrs Deagle! It's Christmas!
Ruby Deagle: Well, now you know what to ask Santa for, don't you?
Murry Futterman, Billy's neighbor: [drunk, looking inside his car] Gremlins...
Murry Futterman, Billy's neighbor: [turning to Billy and Kate] You got-you gotta watch out for them forgeiners cuz they plant gremlins in their machinery.
[he climbs inside the car]
Murry Futterman, Billy's neighbor: It's the same gremlins that brought down our planes in the big one.
Kate: [laughing] The big one...
Murry Futterman, Billy's neighbor: [turning round] that's right! World war two.
[he puts his hand to his head]
Murry Futterman, Billy's neighbor: Good old WWII.
Murry Futterman, Billy's neighbor: [Murray tries to start his car] Y'know their still shippin them over here. They put em in cars, they put em in yer tv. They put em in stereos and those little radios you stick in your ears. They even put em in watches, they have teeny gremlins for our watches!
Lynn Peltzer: [shocked to see eggs in Billy's basement] What are they?
Billy Peltzer: They're the Mogwai... I guess.
Lynn Peltzer: Did you give them water?
Billy Peltzer: No.
Lynn Peltzer: Did you feed them after midnight?
Billy Peltzer: Well, I gave them some chicken
[realises about his clock]
Billy Peltzer: No, wait, I made sure
[goes over to his clock and founds out that his clock has been ripped off it's cords]
Billy Peltzer: Mom, what's going on here?
Gerald: If it isn't Captain Clip-On. Guess who almost signed for unemployment today?
Billy Peltzer: I give up.
Gerald: You... But Mr. Corben had second thoughts. He gets so sentimental around the holidays.
Billy Peltzer: Imagine that.
Gerald: If it was up to me, I would have fired you in a second.
Billy Peltzer: Well, a merry Christmas to you too.
Randall Peltzer: Rand Peltzer, Fantastic ideas for a Fantastic World, I make the illogical logical.
Billy Peltzer: It's the creatures!
Sheriff Frank: [angered] Ah, the creatures.
Billy Peltzer: The creatures are making it look like an accident!
Mr. Jones: [seeing a picture of Ruby Deagle Billy had drawn] The old bat never looked better.
Mr. Jones: It's great. You're doing fine.
Grandfather: [leaving with Gizmo, to Billy] Perhaps some day, you will be ready. Until then, Mogwai waits.
Robbie the Robot: Sorry miss I was giving myself an oil job
Robbie the Robot: This question is totally without meaning.
Robbie the Robot: Pardon me sir, stuff?
Robbie the Robot: Thick and Heavy?
Robbie the Robot: Would sixty gallons be sufficient?
Robbie the Robot: I rarely use it myself sir. It promotes rust.