FantasticFest is the largest genre film festival in the U.S., specializing in horror, fantasy, sci-fi, and action movies from all around the world. Here's a list of some of our favorite movies at FantasticFest.
This is probably the most boring, predictable, cliché-ridden action pic of all time. Let's tick off the familiar details:
* Smart-ass hero who has a quip for every occasion, unfortunately coming across as a total jerk to the audience.
* Blonde babe who starts off being a strong independent woman not needing a bloke, but finally is saved and falls in love with The Jerk.
* A loving brother of The Jerk who teams up with him for a mission, but is sadly killed (usually accompanied by a shrill NNNNNOOOOO!!).
* A huge weapon owned by the bad guys (say, a laser) which looks like it was assembled on Blue Peter with sellotape and used toilet rolls. This is A THREAT TO THE FREE WORLD AND MUST BE STOPPED.
* You'd think with THE FREE WORLD on offer, the bad guys would hire people who could shoot straight. Sadly, even at point blank range, they fail to even scratch The Jerk and The Blonde. Are we surprised?
* Explosions which resemble the aftermath of a particularly spicy vindaloo than huge bombs being detonated. They usually set a couple of stuntmen alight, who put themselves out by jumping into a convenient lake. DO YOU SEE?!
* So-called 'hilarious' buddy talk between The Jerk and his mates that reads like it was written by a 18 year old college dropout while sitting on the toilet (example: after the above stuntman emerges from the lake, The Jerk comments "Well, guess his ass is toast!!" Ho ho).
* A lead villain who spends more time in bed with his collection of exotic ladies and styling his hair than getting involved in the dirty work of stopping our heroes. With such casual laziness. It's amazing that he's in the position he is.
* A compulsory nude scene with one of the above exotic ladies showing off her butt and boobies when getting out of bed. What about The Blonde? Don't be silly.. she's FAR too refined to exploit herself like that. Might have helped her acting career though..
* A MASSIVE final action climax with guns a-blazing, bullets a-flying and fists a-swinging.. is not in this film. A suffocation, a kiss, and that's yer lot. Yep, the best cliché of this genre is the one this movie strenuously avoids. Shame that..
Basically, its not very good. Now pass me the award for 'understatement of the year'. While I practise my acceptance speech, I'll inform you that I give it 2/10. That's it. Now, get lost.
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