Muppet Babies (1984–1991)
Beaker: Meep, meep meep meep.
Sherlock Bunsen: How am I going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.
Fozzie: This looks like a joke I once told.
Rowlf: You can't see a joke, Fozzie.
Fozzie: You can once you get hit with tomatoes.
Gonzo: We love working in salt mines, right guys?
Fozzie: Yeah we don't even mind pepper.
Kermit: That book is 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
Fozzie: Gee, a story about an under water bowling team?
Gonzo: Maybe my brain isn't working right.
Rowlf: Your brain's never worked right, Gonzo.
Gonzo: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Miles: We gotta take five.
Fozzie: Five? Why can't we all go?
Fozzie: [Looking at ancient statues resembling Gonzo] These guys do kinda look like Gonzo's brothers.
Piggy: You can say that again.
Fozzie: Okay, these guys do kinda look like Gonzo's bro...
Piggy: Don't push it, Fozzie.
Kermit: They don't call me the fastest gum in the west for nothing, ya know.
Piggy: Scooter, if you had ten hot dogs and Skeeter took three of them, what would you have?
Fozzie: He'd have a tummy ache. Get it? Ha ha. Wokka wokka wokka.
Piggy: If you have to tell jokes then tell them to the wall.
Fozzie: Okay, hey wall, why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wokka wokka wokka.
Fozzie: What's the difference between an orange?
Nanny: Go ahead, Fozzie, finish the joke.
Fozzie: It *is* finished. *That's* the joke.
Kermit: [singing] Frog in the swamp, where mosquitoes and fireflies roam, Where if you're rod toed, you stay out of the road, Cause the cars that go by, they don't honk.
Piggy Pardon: I don't quite know how to tell you this, Kermit, but on a scale of one to ten, that song was MINUS TWELVE. IT'S HORRIBLE. AAAAAHHHHHH.
Piggy: Oh Kermit. You saved me and my millions. How can I ever repay you?
Kermit: Um, well about two bucks for gas oughta cover it.
Kermit: On second thought, let's just call it even, keep the money.
Scooter: What happened. Fozzie?
Fozzie: Rowlf went into the closet to think about my joke. He'll probably come out when he thinks it's funny.
Skeeter: Boy, we'll never see him again.
Fozzie: Yeah... Huh?
Fozzie: Hey, Rowlf, wanna hear a funny joke?
Rowlf: No thanks, Fozzie.
Fozzie: Okay here it goes: what food do you eat with your mouth open? Give up? *see* food. Get it? Wokka, wokka, wokka.
Fozzie: This is one of the worst peanut butter and traffic jams I've ever seen. Get it? Peanut butter, traffic jam?
All: We got it.
Kermit: I never asked to be an uncle.
Skeeter: No one asks to be an uncle. Your big sister has babies, that makes you their aunt or uncle and them your niece or nephew.
Kermit: Oh, well that's different.
Gonzo: Awww, she called me a nerd. Next I'll be the nerd of her dreams.
Mr. Big: We don't serve comedians here.
Fozzie: Good, 'cause I don't wanna eat one.
Lepre-Kermit: All you have to do to find a four-leaf clover is be lucky.
Fozzie: But I'm not lucky.
Lepre-Kermit: Of course not, that's what you need a four-leaf clover for. Hmm, you do have a problem don't you?
Fozzie: What do you call a yo-yo that goes down but won't come up? A yo. Wokka wokka wokka.
Kermit: Well Mr... Um...
Edgar Putinteen: Edgar.
Edgar Putinteen: My name's Edgar. Putinteen. Ask me again and I'll tell you the same.
Fozzie: [Hops on toy motorcycle but it will not go] Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.
Fozzie: [Has body of fish instead of tail] Personally, I don't think this Mer-Bear stuff is so hot.
Kermit: Um, Fozzie, I think you have your imagination on backwards. Your legs are supposed to look like a fish, not your head.
Fozzie: Oh, I knew that.
Fozzie: Maybe I should tell them a joke.
Kermit: I don't think so, Fozzie, we're in enough trouble as it is.
Fozzie: Yeah... Huh?
Fozzie: What do you call a kangaroo in Scotland?
Fozzie: No that's not right. You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka.
[Get's hit with tomatoes]
Fozzie: Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that's not funny.
Piggy: I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married.
Kermit: I don't wanna waste a wish.
Kermit: Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.
[the car has stopped on railroad tracks and a train is coming]
Piggy: All right everybody now calm down. Come on now Kermit, step on it.
Kermit: Um, gee, the motor won't start, Piggy.
[Karate chops the hood and the engine starts right up]
Kermit: Gee thanks Piggy.
Piggy: You're welcome. NOW GET US OUTTA HERE.
Gonzo: Let's synchronize our watches.
Scooter: We don't have any watches.
Gonzo: That's okay, I don't know what synchronize means anyway.
Reporter: Mr. President, how does it feel to be the first frog in the White House?
Kermit: It feels, uh, green. I mean keen. It feels really keen.
Scooter: Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg Address.
Kermit: Um, what is the Gettysburg address?
Statue of Abe Lincoln: Why, 227 Gettysburg Road, of course.
Reporter: Mr. President, what do you plan to do about the high cost of living?
Kermit: Good question. I guess I'll have to get my allowance raised.
Scooter: When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress.
Fozzie: Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.
[Piggy has tossed Gonzo away by the nose]
Gonzo: [dazed] Woo-hoo. She touched my nose. I think she's in love.
Fozzie: Don't worry Piggy, I'm a professional, OOPS.
[drops his papers]
Piggy: You're a professional oops all right.
[trying to adjust video camera]
Gonzo: Hey, stay in focus. You're fuzzy.
Fozzie: No way, Gonzo. I'm not Fuzzy, I'm Fozzie.
[the Muppets are making a movie; Gonzo is directing]
Piggy: Moi, is going to be the producer.
Kermit: Gee, what do producers do, Piggy?
Piggy: That's very simple, Kermy. THEY FIRE DIRECTORS!
Fozzie: Are you the Great Gurgle?
Great Gurgle: No, I'm Snow White.
Fozzie: Snow White? I thought she was shorter.
Scooter: Gonzo, what's that noise?
Gonzo: [chewing] Oh, it's just termites chewing on my nose.
Scooter: But your nose isn't made of wood, Gonzo.
Gonzo: Of course it is. Pinocchio was my cousin.
Gonzo: [as Cluck Kent in a dream stuck in the elevator after the cable has brokened] Uh where was I?
Kermit: I believe your were plunging to certain doom.
Gonzo: Oh yeah! This looks like a job for...
[takes off hat and trench coat and then grows taller with big muscles]
Gonzo: SUPER GONZO!
"Spaceton Theme" Singers: [singing a theme similar to "The Jetsons"] Meet those Spacetons.
Kermit: [shouts] Stop that singing!
"Spaceton Theme" Singers: [singing] Stop that singing.
Piggy: Kermit, fix it!
"Spaceton Theme" Singers: [singing] Kermit, fix it.
Piggy: Oh, brother!
"Spaceton Theme" Singers: [singing] Sheesh, oh brother.
Piggy: [shouts] Quiet!
Kermit: [shouts] Shut up!
"Spaceton Theme" Singers: [singing] Quiet, shut up.
Piggy: I hate this song.
Guy: [Talking about Miss Piggy] Hey it's Porky Pig's sister.
Piggy: [Annoyed] WATCH IT THERE, BUB!
Scooter: [after talking about telling stories] Why do you always go first?
Piggy: The answer to that is simple.
Piggy: IT'S BECAUSE I SAY SO!
Gonzo: Nanny's gonna get rid of me. She doesn't know what I am.
Nanny: [Dream about Gonzo being thrown out by Nanny] AND STAY OUT!
Gonzo: [gets thrown into a dumptruck] Don't I get a goodbye kiss?
Gonzo: [gets his chicken thrown to him] I guess a goodbye chicken is better than a goodbye kiss.
Gonzo: Come on, bust a move, will ya? Heard that on MTV.
Fozzie: [after he shows his painting] How do you like my painting? I call it "Still-Life With Tomatoes."
Rowlf: [Scooter retches] I think you oughta stick to telling jokes, Fozzie.
Piggy: [reading to Robin] Once there was a little green tadpole and he got chased down a tadpole hole.
Gonzo: Hey, Piggy, don't you mean a little rabbit that got chased down a rabbit hole?
Piggy: I say it's a little green tadpole that got chased down a tadpole hole and unless you want to get shoved into a weirdo hole
[raising her voice]
Piggy: you'd better keep quiet!