Twice Upon a Time (1983)
Greensleeves: Happy as rats they are. They tap dance not, neither do they fart.
Flora: Uncle Greenie, where are you?
Greensleeves: Under the door, ya twit!
Rod Rescueman: That's a pretty stupid place to be when people are knocking doors down!
Scuzzbopper: I'm through with nightmare scripts! I'm starting work on The Great Amurkian Novel! Pulitzer Prize, here I come!
[Discovering Rod Rescueman has rescued Flora Fauna]
Botch: How did this happen? Where were you, watching reruns again? I don't wanna hear excuses! She'll be back; The Murkworks is in her blood, her sap, her plasma, or whatever she has!
Rod Rescueman: [Flying in with fanfare] Hello.
The Fairy Godmother: Yes, who are you?
Rod Rescueman: My name is Rod Rescueman.
The Fairy Godmother: And what do I learn from that?
Rod Rescueman: My name.
Automated feminine voicetrack: Welcome to the Garbagerie. Please follow the happy feet.
Rod Rescueman: I'm a super hero!
Fairy Godmother: You're kidding
Rod Rescueman: I'm actually not a full fledged one, I'm on my learner's permit but that's almost as good.
Fairy Godmother: You have a resume, perhaps I could check something out?
Rod Rescueman: Yeah I do, right here. It's a blank piece of paper but it is notarized and it's legal signed.
Fairy Godmother: You've made my day! If only I could give you a little test you could show me that you're capable of doing...
Rod Rescueman: I've got an idea!
Fairy Godmother: Yes?
Rod Rescueman: Why don't you give me a test?
Fairy Godmother: There's an idea!
Rod Rescueman: Thank you!
Fairy Godmother: Let me think of something... Here we go, I though of it so very quickly, let's pretend that I'm a damsel in distress.
Rod Rescueman: You'll be the damsel in distress.
Fairy Godmother: Better me than you.
Rod Rescueman: Well I couldn't rescue myself, that doesn't count.
Fairy Godmother: It really doesn't.
[flies up onto her desk]
Fairy Godmother: OK, to make it a little more interesting I will be a damsel in distress currently on fire.
Rod Rescueman: At this moment, on fire.
Fairy Godmother: Here we go.
[lights a ring of fire around her]
Fairy Godmother: Oh, help! Damsel in distress currently on fire! Oh, help!
Rod Rescueman: This is the test where I show you...
Fairy Godmother: This is where you jump in and do something!
Rod Rescueman: Alright, you're on fire...
Fairy Godmother: Currently!
Rod Rescueman: Excuse me ma'am! Superheros are very polite!
Fairy Godmother: [fire stops blazing] Skip polite, go right back!
[fire starts blazing again]
Fairy Godmother: I now feel molecules charing internally!
Rod Rescueman: Gotchya!
Fairy Godmother: Oh, help! Damsel in distress currently on fire!
Rod Rescueman: Would you like to be rescued?
Fairy Godmother: [fire stop blazing] More than life itself!
[fire begins to blaze again]
Rod Rescueman: Let me just suck those flames up then!
[sucks flames into his mouth]
Fairy Godmother: My hero!
Rod Rescueman: Thank you!
[blows out flames all over the fairy godmother turning her black and crispy with the top of her wand eventually falling off]
Fairy Godmother: Oh, jeez! This is pain!
Rod Rescueman: Do I get the job, or should we move right onto the shark infested waters test?
Fairy Godmother: I'll give you the job, you'll get out of here!
Ralph: [looking at pictures of Din] Hey, it looks real nice. Are they friendly at all?
Botch: Oh, they are! They love to be friendly except they rush around so much, they don't have the time to be friendly.
Ralph: The "what" don't they?
Botch: The TIME. They have clocks and watches on their wrists which tell them the time they don't have because they are always rushing. And they think they don't have...
Ralph: Wait, wait, I'm not get... What is "time"?
Botch: Two o'clock, four o'clock, five o'clock.
Ralph: Yes, but there's something that tells them that they don't have something?
Ralph: It's a clock?
Botch: It's a clock.
Ralph: And they watch it?
Botch: They watch it.
Ralph: And it tells them...?
Botch: The time.
Ralph: That they don't have.
Botch: It's simple, easy. Get it?
Ralph: Oh. Uh... Uh-huh.
Flora: Uncle Greenie, is it really you?
Greensleeves: Basically it is, yeah.
Flora: You're short and bent!
Greensleeves: I'm short and bent.
Flora: What happened to my Uncle Greenie, the handsome dashing hero?
Greensleeves: He got short and bent. But he's glad to see you nonetheless... come here darling, let me give you a kiss you sweet love!
[sound of kissing]
Rod Rescueman: [enviously] *I* should get short and bent!