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Risky Business (1983) Poster

Quotes

[Joel Goodson's parents are away for the weekend]

Miles: Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

Miles: Say "what the fuck."... If you can't say it, you can't do it.

Miles: Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying "What the Fuck", brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future. So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.

Joel Goodson: Yeah.

Miles: What the fuck.

[first lines]

Joel Goodson: [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are *you* doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.

Joel Goodson: You know, Bill, there's one thing I learned in all my years. Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the fuck, make your move."

Rutherford: I beg your pardon?

Service Manager: Who's the U-Boat Commander?

Joel Goodson: Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.

Lana: What's wrong with that?

Joel Goodson: I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.

Joel Goodson: You didn't tell anyone did ya?

Miles: No... Glen knows.

Joel Goodson: What about Barry?

Miles: He knows too.

Joel Goodson: Okay. Just don't tell anyone.

Miles: [to Joel] What happened?

Joel Goodson: Last night?

Miles: That's right - with Kessler.

Joel Goodson: She was babysitting down the street...

Miles: We know that!

Joel Goodson: So I went over there. It turns out that, uh, she was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing...

[some guy off camera]

Joel Goodson: right.

Miles: That could happen.

Joel Goodson: ...and all her clothes were drying upstairs. So she plops down right on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says 'I think I'm in the mood.'

Barry: She said that? What did you say?

Joel Goodson: I didn't have to say anything.

Glenn: Whatcha do?

Joel Goodson: What do you think I did?

Glenn: I think you got the hell out of there, ran home, and wacked off.

Barry: [makes a wacking off noise with his cheek]

Miles: I disagree.

[to Joel]

Miles: Did you have your bike there?

Joel Goodson: Yeah.

Miles: I think you jumped on your bike, peddled home, and wacked off!

[Miles is taunting Joel with outrageous personal ads]

Miles: "When I was a little girl, my daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place?" Call Misty!

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Joel Goodson: When it came right down to it, I just wasn't attracted to her.

Miles: That should never stop you.

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Joel Goodson: Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I mean it.

Lana: Go to school, Joel. Learn something.

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[On calling Lana]

Jackie: It's what you want. It's what every white boy off the lake wants.

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Joel Goodson: College women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.

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[Lana is the prostitute Joel has hired using an alias]

Lana: Are you ready for me... Ralph?

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Joel's Mother: Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.

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Joel Goodson: So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?

Lana: That's right.

Joel Goodson: Or a pimp?

Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?

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[after Joel's Princeton interview]

Lana: So, how're we doin'?

Joel Goodson: Looks like University of Illinois!

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Miles: I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

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Joel Goodson: Porsche. There is no substitute.

Miles: Fuck you.

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Joel's Father: Sometimes you just gotta say "what the heck."

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Joel Goodson: Uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.

Lana: Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks... *Joel*.

Joel Goodson: You're kidding.

Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.

Joel Goodson: Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.

Lana: How much do you have?

Joel Goodson: I have 50 dollars.

Lana: 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?

Joel Goodson: I don't know.

[pauses]

Joel Goodson: Could I send it to you?

Lana: [incredulous] Could you *send* it to me?

Joel Goodson: [long pause] I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.

Lana: I'm not real good at waiting.

Joel Goodson: I'll be quick.

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Joel Goodson: It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

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[last lines]

Joel Goodson: My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

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Guido: Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Go have fun, now? You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.

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Joel Goodson: Looks like the University of Illinois!

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Guido: Listen to me.

Joel Goodson: No, no. You listen to ME!

[Guido hangs up]

Joel Goodson: Shit!

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Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.

Guido: A-hole?

Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.

Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.

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Joel Goodson: I don't think I am going to say, "What the fuck?" anymore

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Rutherford: You've done a lot of solid work here, but it's just not Ivy League, now is it?

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Joel Goodson: It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.

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Jackie: Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.

Joel Goodson: Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him.

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Lana: What if I said I'd be your girlfriend the next couple of days? No charge.

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Lana: I'm really trying to be, friends with you. But, I'd appreciate it, if you'd stop laying these little judgments on me, while you're leaning on your daddy's $40,000 car.

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Miles: [Miles tries to comfort Joel after the Porsche incident] You okay? Do you want an aspirin? Your dad own a gun?

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Joel Goodson: Shithead!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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