Mr. Mom (1983)
[Trying to get Kenny to give up his security blanket]
Jack Butler: I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious.
Jack Butler: [Enters scene revving chainsaw] How ya doin'. You must be Ron Richardson. I'm Jack Butler, nice to meetcha.
Ron Richardson: Pleased to meet you.
Jack Butler: Huh?
Ron Richardson: I say I'm pleased...
[Jack Turns chainsaw off]
Ron Richardson: ...to meet you. I'm just waiting for Caroline.
Jack Butler: Well, uh, you know women.
Ron Richardson: Yeah, I'd like to think I do.
Jack Butler: Wanna beer?
Ron Richardson: It's 7 o'clock in the morning.
Jack Butler: Scotch?
Ron Richardson: Not during working hours. Ooooh, sorry pal.
Jack Butler: No problem. Come on over here Ron. Let me show you what I'm doing, taking advantage of some of the time off. To, uh, add a whole new wing on here. Gonna rip these walls out and, uh, of course re-wire it.
Ron Richardson: Yeah, you gonna make it all 220?
Jack Butler: Yeah, 220, 221. Whatever it takes.
Jack Butler: Honey if you call and I'm not home I'll be at the gym or the gun club.
Jack Butler: You guys keep it down now. Kevin's about to find out his test results.
Alex: Kevin's a skunk!
Jack Butler: Yea, but Kevin gets all the girls.
Alex: He sure got Nicki!
Doris (TV Repairwoman): Butler, you got a problem with your horizontal hold?
Jack Butler: I don't know.
Doris (TV Repairwoman): Your wife says you do.
Jack Butler: Well, she ought to know... come on in...
Alex: Wow, what a house!
Jack Butler: Yeah, probably mortgaged to the eyeballs.
Caroline: Not this one, his great grandfather - Commander Richardson - built it.
Jack Butler: Eh... hand me down.
Caroline: [after arguing about sudden weight gain] Where are you going?
Jack Butler: [while eating a slice of pizza] I'm going to sleep on the FAT couch, if I can fit through the door
Jack Butler: [to Jinx] You ever talk that way to my kid again... I'm knockin' you out!
Doris (TV Repairwoman): Are you crazy? You don't feed a baby chili!
Jack Butler: My wife and I went to the movies the other day, we saw Rocky. While I'm watching it, I'm thinking 'This guy has taken some falls' you know.
Auto Worker 1: Which Rocky was it? 1 or 2, or 3?
Jack Butler: I don't know. Three I guess. But...
Auto Worker 2: Hey, did the guy have a mo-hawk like Mr. T?
Jack Butler: OK forget Rocky. The point is... when you're down, not not exactly out... I mean, I mean you gotta hang tough... I don't know.
Auto Worker 1: Well, hang tough baby! Do what Rocky would do!
Auto Worker 1: He didn't see Rocky!
Jinx: [talking about the lay-off] Your not exactly walking out of here empty handed, You got your pension and I'll give you this months gas money.
Larry: There's only one more thing I want.
Jinx: [Jinx goes to window and tries to open it and jump out but is grabbed by Jack]
Jinx: Hey keep that sense of humor buddy, its critical.
[Larry rushes at him and attempts to strangle him]
Jack Butler: My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it.
Caroline: Honey, I know what you're talking about. I've been there myself, alright?
Jack Butler: Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something about it?
Caroline: Because I wasn't unhappy! Look, maybe I was a little confused, maybe I was a little frustrated, but I knew what I was doing was important, because it means something to raise human beings. What saw me through was pride.
[Jack takes the bedspread, pillow and a pizza slice before heading out]
Caroline: I've pride in this house, I've pride with my kids, and I've pride being Mrs. Jack Butler! Where are you going?
Jack Butler: [Eating pizza before going] I'm goin' downstairs to sleep on the fat couch if I can get through the door.
[Jack leaves the room]
Caroline: Well, you should take pride with some of that FAT, Porky!
[Caroline slams the door]
Jack Butler: Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't."
Caroline: Do you want to go over the list one more time?
Jack Butler: No, I don't want to go over the list! OK, let's go over the list.
Humphries: All of us here at Schooner Tuna sympathize with all of you hit so hard by these trying economic times. In order to help you, we are reducing the price of Schooner Tuna by 50 cents a can. When this crisis is over, we will go back to our regular prices. Until then, remember, we're all in this together. Schooner Tuna. The tuna with a heart.
Jack Butler: How'd you like a little trim on that moustache, Ron?
Caroline: Well, thanks. I'm sorry if I kept you waiting.
Ron Richardson: Oh, not at all. I was just having a little chat with your, ah, hubby, ah
Jack Butler: Jack.
Ron Richardson: Jack.
Caroline: Yeah, he's... quite a guy.
Jack Butler: [on phone] Ya?... Hi Joan. How are you doin?... Ahh, it's gotta be Kevin's... Victor? How could it be Victor's? Thought he got a vasectomy... It didn't take?
Jack Butler: [Overloading the washer with bedding] When I was in the army, we had to run a pretty tight ship.
Alex: There were no ships in the army!
Caroline: [after viewing the tuna art sketches] Well frankly, none of these would convince to buy your tuna
Phil: Come on, Ron. She doesn't know a tuna fish from a Cheerio!
Doris: Damned good thing we didn't take the Cheerio account!
Caroline: [Disgusted] Well... When was the last time any of YOU, were in a supermarket?
Joan: [Shows her cards to Jack; open cleavage] Are these any good?
Jack Butler: [Trying hard to not look down Joan's blouse] You got two pair... You got... Plenty