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Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983) Poster

Quotes

Marley: Ebenezer? Remember when I was alive I robbed from widows and swindled the poor?

Scrooge: Yes, and all in the same day. Oh, you had class, Jacob.

Marley: Ha-yuk. Yup. Er, no, no! I was wrong. And so, as punishment, I'm forced to carry these heavy chains for eternity! Maybe even longer.

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Scrooge: My partner, Jacob Marley, dead seven years today. Oh, he was a good'n. He robbed from the widows and swindled the poor. In his will, he left me enough money to pay for his tombstone, and I have him burried at sea!

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Ghost of Christmas Past: Well, it's about time! Haven't got all night, you know.

Scrooge: Who... who are you?

Ghost of Christmas Past: Why, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Scrooge: Oh. I thought you'd be taller.

Ghost of Christmas Past: Hmph! Listen, Scrooge, if men were measured by kindness, you'd be no bigger than a speck of dust.

Scrooge: [yawns] Kindness is of little use in this world.

Ghost of Christmas Past: You didn't always think so. Come on, Scrooge, it's time to go.

Scrooge: Then go!

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Scrooge: And what can I do for you two gentlemen?

Collector for the Poor #1: Sir, we are collecting funds for the indigent and destitute.

Scrooge: For the what?

Collector for the Poor #2: [tipping his hat] We're collecting for the poor.

Scrooge: Oh. Aha. Well um, you realize if you give money to the poor, they won't be poor anymore, will they?

Collector for the Poor #2: Well, I...

Scrooge: And if they're not *poor* anymore, then you won't have to raise money for them anymore.

Collector for the Poor #1: Well, I suppose...

Scrooge: And if you don't have to raise money for them anymore, then you'd be out of a job. Oh please, gentlemen, don't ask me to put you out of a job. Not on Christmas Eve.

Collector for the Poor #1: Oh, we wouldn't do that, Mr. Scrooge.

Scrooge: [giving them a wreath] Well then, I suggest you give this to the poor and be gone.

[Slams door on them]

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Scrooge: What's this world coming to, Cratchit? You work all your life to get money... then people want you to give it away.

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Fred: Merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge!

Scrooge: What's so merry about it? I'll tell you what Christmas is. It's just another work day, and any jackanape who thinks else should be boiled in his own pudding!

Cratchit: But sir, Christmas is a time for giving... a time to be with one's family.

Scrooge: I say, Bah humbug!

Fred: I don't care! I say, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas!

Cratchit: [clapping] Well said, Master Fred!

Scrooge: Cratchit, what are you doing?

Cratchit: [stops clapping] I was just trying to keep my hands warm, sir.

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Scrooge: Ah, I remember how much I was in love with her.

[a wind blows and the lights inside go out]

Ghost of Christmas Past: In ten years time, you learned to love something else.

Scrooge: Why, it's my counting house.

[Scrooge sees himself sitting in his chair counting money]

Scrooge: 9,671, 9,672...

Belle: Ebenezer?

Scrooge: Yes, what is it?

Belle: For years, I've had this honeymoon cottage, Ebenezer. I've been waiting for you to keep your promise to marry me. Now I must know, have you made your decision?

Scrooge: I have! Your last payment on the cottage was an hour late! I'm foreclosing the mortgage!

[Belle walks away, crying]

Ghost of Christmas Past: You loved your gold more than that precious creature, and you lost her forever.

Scrooge: 9,67...

[Belle leaves and slams the door behind her, hard enough to make the coins clatter everywhere]

Scrooge: ... 3.

Scrooge: Please, spirit, I can no longer bear these memories! Take me home!

Ghost of Christmas Past: Remember, Scrooge, you fashioned these memories yourself.

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Scrooge: Tell me, spirit, what's wrong with that tiny lad?

Ghost of Christmas Present: Much, I'm afraid. If these shadows remain unchanged, I see an empty chair where Tiny Tim once sat.

Scrooge: Then that means Tim will...

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Ebenezer Scrooge: Spirit, whose lonely grave - is this?

[gasps as the ghost strikes a match, illuminating the tombstone: it reads "EBENEZER SCROOGE"]

Ghost of Christmas Future: [Pulls back his hood, revealing himself to the viewers as Pete, then tossing Scrooge into the grave] Why, yours, Ebenezer! The richest man in the cemetery! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Cratchit: Tomorrow is Christmas and I was wondering if I could have... Half a day off?

Scrooge: Christmas, eh? Uh, er... I suppose so. But I'll dock you half a day's pay. Let's see, I pay you two shillings a day...

Cratchit: Two shillings and a halfpenny, Sir.

Scrooge: Oh yes, I gave you that raise three years ago.

Cratchit: Yes, sir, when I started doing your laundry.

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Fred: I've come to give you a wreath and invite you to Christmas dinner.

Scrooge: Well, I suppose you're going to have plump goose with chesnut dressing?

Fred: Yup.

Scrooge: And will you have plum pudding and lemon sauce?

Fred: Yeah, boy oh boy.

Scrooge: And candied fruit with spiced sugar cakes?

Fred: Yeah. Will you come?

Scrooge: Are you daft, man? You know I can't eat that stuff! Here's your wreath back. Now, out, out, OUT!

[kicks Fred out the door and slams it after him]

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[Bob closes his book and starts to leave as the clock chimes 7:00. Scrooge looks at his watch]

Scrooge: Hmm... Two minutes fast.

[Bob stops then goes back to his desk]

Scrooge: Well, never mind those two minutes. You may go now.

Cratchit: Ah, oh thank you, sir! You're so kind!

Scrooge: Never mind that mushy stuff, just go! But be here all the other early the next day!

Cratchit: I will, I will, sir! And a Bah Humbug... I mean, a Merry Christmas to you, sir!

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Marley: Tonight, you will be visited by three spirits.

[holds up two fingers]

Marley: Listen to 'em. Do what they say, or your chains will be heavier than mine. Farewell, Ebenezer.

[gliding through door]

Marley: Fareweeeellll...

Scrooge: Marley, watch out for that first...

[Marley goes crashing down the stairs]

Scrooge: Step.

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Scrooge: Merry Christmas, Bob.

Tiny Tim: And God bless us, everyone.

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Cratchit: Oh, that Fred. Always so full of kindness.

Scrooge: Aye. He always was a little peculiar

[door bell rings]

Scrooge: ... AND stubborn!

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Ghost of Christmas Past: [as Scrooge panics while flying toward the past] What's wrong, Scrooge?

[laughs]

Ghost of Christmas Past: I thought you enjoyed looking down on the world!

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Belle: Ebeneezer?

Scrooge: Yes, Isabelle?

Belle: My eyes are closed, my lips are puckered, and I'm standing under the mistletoe.

Scrooge: You're also standing on my foot.

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Scrooge: Please, let me go! Don't eat me!

Ghost of Christmas Present: Why would the Ghost of Christmas Present - that's me - want to eat a distasteful little miser like you?... Especially when there are so many good things to enjoy in life?

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Scrooge: Where did all this come from?

Ghost of Christmas Present: From the heart, Scrooge. It's the food of generosity, which you have long denied your fellow man.

Scrooge: Generosity? Ha! Nobody has ever shown me generosity!

Ghost of Christmas Present: You've never given them a reason to.

[plucks off a grape then gulps it]

Ghost of Christmas Present: And yet... there are some who still find enough warmth in their hearts even for the likes of you.

Scrooge: Hmph! No acquaintence of mine, I assure you.

Ghost of Christmas Present: Duh, you'll see.

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Tiny Tim: Oh my! Look at all the wonderful things to eat! We must thank Mister Scrooge.

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Cratchit: Why, Mr. Scrooge, Merry Christmas.

[Scrooge barges in]

Cratchit: Won't you come in?

Scrooge: Merry Christmas? Humph! I have another bundle for you.

Cratchit: But sir, it's Christmas Day.

Scrooge: Christmas Day, indeed! Just another excuse for being lazy. And another thing, Cratchit: I've had enough of this 'half-day off' stuff! You leave me no alternative...

[changing his attitude]

Scrooge: ...but to give you...

Tiny Tim: [sees the contents of the now open bag] Toys!

Scrooge: Yes, toys. No no no no no no no!

[lovingly]

Scrooge: I'm giving you a raise... and making you my partner.

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Scrooge: What's she cooking, a canary? Surely they have more food than that. Look on the fire.

Ghost of Christmas Present: Huh, where? Oh, that's your laundry.

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Scrooge: An-and that shy lad in the corner, that's me.

Ghost of Christmas Past: Yes, that was before you became a miserable miser, consumed by greed.

Scrooge: Well, nobody's perfect. And there-there's lovely Isabelle.

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Scrooge: Oh, it's a wonderful day.

[laughs]

Scrooge: So much to do. So much to do...

Scrooge: [leaves, comes back upstairs, realizing he's only wearing his nightshirt] I can't go out like this.

Scrooge: [takes a cane] There, that's better.

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Scrooge: Ah, nephew!

Fred: Uncle Scrooge!

Scrooge: I'm looking forward to that wonderful meal of yours.

Fred: Well, I'll be doggone. You mean you're coming?

Scrooge: Of course I am! You know how much I love candied fruit and sweet sugar cakes.

[Fred laughs]

Scrooge: I'll be there promptly at two! Keep it piping hot!

Fred: I will, Uncle Scrooge, I will! And a very merry Christmas to you!

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Ghost of Christmas Present: Don't forget the chocolate pot roast with smishmashio... With smiminish... With yogurt.

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Scrooge: I'll change! I'LL CHANGE!

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Scrooge: Bah humbug!

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Scrooge: Spirit, I didn't want this to happen. Tell me these events can yet be changed.

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Gravedigger #1: I've never seen a funeral like this one.

Gravedigger #2: Aye. No mourners, no friends to bid him farewell.

Gravedigger #1: Oh, well. Let's rest a minute before we throw 'im in, eh? He ain't going nowhere.

[both laugh as they leave]

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Scrooge: Merry Christmas to one and all!

[Slides down banister]

Scrooge: Ah, bless me. Good morning, gentlemen. I've something for ya.

[Puts a bag of coins on the second collector's head]

Collector for the Poor #1: Twenty gold sovereigns! Oh, no!

Scrooge: Not enough? Here.

[Puts another bag on the collector's pants]

Scrooge: Fifty gold sovereigns!

Collector for the Poor #2: Really, Mister Scrooge. It's...

Scrooge: Still not enough! You drive a hard bargain. Here you are.

[Throws several bags at the collectors]

Scrooge: One hundred gold pieces, and not a penny more!

Collector for the Poor #1: Oh, thank you, Mr. Scrooge! Thank you! And a *merry* Christmas to you!

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Cratchit: Ha-ha. That Fred, always so full of kindness.

Scrooge: Aye, he always was a little peculiar

[the doorbell rings again]

Scrooge: AND stubborn!

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Scrooge: [Scrooge is being windblown into his past] AHHH!

Ghost of Christmas Past: What's the matter, Scrooge? I thought you enjoyed looking down on the world.

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Scrooge: Spirit, whose lone grave is this?

[Ghost flicks a lighter revealing Scrooge's name on the tombstone, gasps, Ghost removes his hood and lights a cigar]

Ghost of Christmas Future: Why yours, Ebenezer. The richest man in the cemetery!

[laughs as he throws Scrooge in the grave]

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Scrooge: IT'S CHRISTMAS MORNING! I haven't missed it! The spirits have given me another chance!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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