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Local Hero (1983) Poster

(1983)

Quotes

[approaching Ben Knox's beach shanty]

Mac MacIntyre: Where's the door here?

Gordon Urquhart: There is no door. Just knock on the window.

Mac MacIntyre: How do you do business with a man who has no door?

Victor: The ethics are just the same.

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Townsman: Are you sure there are two l's in dollar, Gideon?

Gideon: Yes! An' there are two g's in bugger off!

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Urquhart: [acting as bartender] I want you to try this Scotch. It's 42 years old.

MacIntyre: Old enough to be out on its own.

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Victor: It's their place, Mac. They have a right to make of it what they can. Besides, you can't eat scenery!

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[Mac is buying shampoo]

Mrs. Wyatt: Dry, normal or greasy?

Mac MacIntyre: Normal. Extra normal.

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Mac: [drunkenly] I'll make a good Gordon, Gordon.

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MacIntyre: We're on kind of a mission.

Rev. Macpherson: Same here.

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MacIntyre: [desperate to make the deal] Look, how much do you want?

Ben Knox: [fills his hands with sand] Would you pay me a pound for every grain of sand in my hand?

[drops some sand]

Ben Knox: Ah, well, that saves you some. Well, would you do it?

MacIntyre: No. Of course not.

Ben Knox: Ah, well that's a pity. You missed out on a good bargain, for I can only hold about ten thousand grains of sand in my hands. Did you think it would be more?

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Mac: Whose baby?

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Rev. Macpherson: You want to buy my church?

MacIntyre: Not as a going concern.

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[after hitting a rabbit on the road]

Oldsen: Why don't we kill it? Hit it with something hard...

Mac: You've already done that with a two-ton automobile!

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Danny: How's the water? Cold?

Marina: Not as cold as it should be. The North Atlantic drift comes in here. That's warmish water from the Caribbean. That's why it's special here. There's stuff fetching up here all the way from the Bahamas.

Danny: Oh, that's a long way.

Marina: You swim?

Danny: Not that far.

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MacIntyre: What's the most amazing thing you've ever found?

Ben Knox: Impossible to say. You see, there's something amazing every two or three weeks.

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Happer: Oldsen, I could grow to love this place.

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Townsman: I thought all this money would make me feel different.

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Watt: Of course, we don't need that ice age. We can divert the gulf-stream and unfreeze the Arctic Circle. He proved it right here, but they won't listen. They want to freeze.

Geddes: Thank you Norman, but there was no need to bring that up.

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Oldsen: I've a facility for languages.

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[repeated line]

Happer: Keep watching the sky, MacIntyre.

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Mac MacIntyre: Any comets around?

Ben Knox: Do ye want to buy a comet now?

Mac MacIntyre: Maybe.

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[Morris is still doing abuse therapy despite Happer's wishers]

Morris: [on phone] You're an asshole, Happer! You love it! Craphound!

[Happer hangs up. He goes back to his omelette, pauses and slowly picks up phone]

Morris: [gleefully] I'm still here, Happer! And you're still a useless mother -...

[Happer slams the receiver back on the phone]

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Victor: How are things? I heard about the ceilidh.

Gordon Urquhart: Oh, we've lots to tell you. We've been invaded by America. We're all gonna be rich.

Victor: Really?

Gordon Urquhart: We won't have anywhere to call home, but we'll be stinkin' rich.

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Mac: Did you cook my rabbit?

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Happer: Institute for the study of the sea and sky? I like it!

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Oldsen: Whaddya thinkin' about?

Mac: Girls... naked girls... in a fishtank.

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MacIntyre: My parents were Hungarian immigrants. They took the name MacIntyre 'cause they thought it sounded more American!

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MacIntyre: Where are we?

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Urquhart: [bouncing on his bed] Oh boy, are we going to be rich!

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Happer: What about the sky?

MacIntyre: [observing the northern lights] Sky, sir? It's amazing. I wish you could see it! I wish I could describe it to you like I'm seeing it!

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Happer: [wants MacIntyre to observe the sky while in Scotland] Anything out of the ordinary, you telephone me. Night or day.

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[repeated line]

MacIntyre: [concerning the payphone] I need more change!

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Happer: Take the chopper, go to Aberdeen, get on over to Houston.

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MacIntyre: [staring at the mob nearing Ben's house] Maybe they just want to talk to him?

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Ben Knox: We all have to work.

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Happer: That'll be all for now, MacIntyre.

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MacIntyre: I've got some very fine beaches here... any beach that takes your fancy I'll get for you.

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Gordon Urquhart: I'll get the food.

Victor: Bring some brandy back with you Gordon, I'm dying.

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Gordon Urquhart: [looks first at Ben walking home and then looks at the crowd staring at him] Let's walk him home.

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MacIntyre: [both men are drunk] Would you leave Stella here with me?

Gordon Urquhart: Sure I will.

MacIntyre: You're a good guy, Gordon.

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MacIntyre: How come you're here?

Victor: Fishing. I have been coming here for years. I like it here.

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Peter: [MacIntyre's helicopter is leaving] Bugger it. I was going to say cheerio.

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MacIntyre: [staring at the sky while talking to Mr. Happer] It's red all over! It's red all over!

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Happer: [Morris is on the roof, putting up hate messages against Happer, who is calling his secretary] There's a madman on the roof. You'd better call the police to get some marksmen over here. Shoot him down. Shoot to kill.

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Townsman: I wonder what the poor people are doing tonight?

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MacIntyre: Go piss up a rope!

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Watt: [referring to Marina] She's got a magnificent pair of lungs

Geddes: Oh, yes. A great asset. Five degrees in Oceanography and a very talented programmer. I'll get rid of her when she surfaces. She's not in on this Ferness thing yet. Actually she's better in the field.

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Urquhart: How's the casserole de lapin?

MacIntyre: Excellent.

Urquhart: Terrific. Thank you.

Oldsen: [thinking a moment] Lapin? That's rabbit.

MacIntyre: Is this my rabbit?

Oldsen: Harry!

MacIntyre: Trudy!

Urquhart: We don't allow animals in the bedrooms, I should have told you sooner.

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MacIntyre: [not realizing that the innkeeper is Urquhart] We have to talk to a Mr Urquhart, an accountant. Can you tell me where we might find him?

Urquhart: Indeed, yes. He has an office next door, to the left, on the first floor. I know for a fact that he'll be there in about 15 minutes.

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Oldsen: [referring to the grey seals] Sailors used to think they were mermaids, yeah?

Marina: [gives him a sharp look] Aye, they did. They were wrong.

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Townsman: Mister Mac! That was a telephone call from America, there's a Mister Happer coming to see you.

MacIntyre: Happer?

Townsman: Yes, H-A-P-P...

[he pauses to think]

Townsman: ...P-E-R. They spelt it for me!

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MacIntyre: Can you imagine a world without oil? No automobiles, no heat.

Oldsen: And polish.

MacIntyre: No ink.

Oldsen: And nylon.

MacIntyre: No detergents.

Oldsen: And Perspex. You wouldn't get any Perspex.

MacIntyre: No polythene.

Oldsen: Dry-cleaning fluid.

MacIntyre: And water-proof coats. They make dry-cleaning fluid out of oil?

Oldsen: Yeah, didn't you know that?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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