|Index||7 reviews in total|
This is a mediocre outing into the WIP genre which tries to incorporate
every cliché in the book- and then jumbles them together in a dull,
inept and amateur way. Yes, you have a lesbian guard, shower scenes,
cat fights and some mild abuse, but it is all too formulaic to be
interesting. I love WIP flicks- but this just had me bored.
The prison seems to be a downmarket Italian language school, and the warders dress like hospital orderlies. Moderate nudity provided by Anjita Wilson and a couple of others. The violence is all a bit ham. Music is abysmal and leaves the whole film lame. If you are going to paint by numbers, then give it some edge- but this has all the edge of a kid's marble. For completest only.
I don't think that any exploitation sub-genre has disappointed me as
consistently as the 'women in prison' film; despite the massive
potential for unbridled sleaze, extreme violence and all-out depravity,
it seems that the majority of efforts (particularly those from Europe)
offer very little for the discerning deviant other than endless
unerotic lesbian trysts, shower scenes and unconvincing cat fights, all
of which gets very tedious, very quickly.
Hell Penitentiary is no exception.
This derivative piece of garbage has Dr. Julia Rogers (Linda Jones) deliberately getting herself thrown in the slammer in order to find the only witness to her sister's murder. Once inside, Julia befriends influential prisoner Eureka Thompson (who has sex with her), gets herself a cushy job assisting the prison doctor (who also has sex with her), but arouses the suspicion of nasty dyke Warden Landers (who surprisingly doesn't have sex with her, preferring to torture her with a hot poker instead!). Eventually Julia locates the missing witness, who has been held drugged in secret room by Landers, but not before the despicable governor has repeatedly forced himself on an innocent inmate, the girls have taken plenty of showers, and the prisoners have rioted.
Directed on a shoestring with little imagination by Gianni Siragusa (from a script by SS Experiment Camp's director, Sergio Garrone) Hell Penitentiary is packed with soft-core lesbian sex and full-frontal female nudity from a motley selection of second rate skanks, which I have no doubt will prove to be a crushing bore to all but the most desperate of perverts. Likewise, the scenes of torture and violence are unlikely to impress, being amateurish and unconvincing in the extreme. Some amusement might be gleaned from the film's sheer crassness (the fact that all prisoners seem unable to button their blouses made me snigger), but the chances are that even the most avid WIP fans will find this one more than a little dull.
What can I add to previous reviews? Not much. Plenty of lesbian action
in this soft-core porn flick. Probably considered shocking at the time,
but pretty mild by today's standards. (The most shocking thing will
probably be the unshaved armpits and the full bushes.) On the other
hand, it delivers all the required WIP scenes. It would have been nice
if they had been able to afford some good-looking women, but you can't
have everything. At least you aren't seeing a lot of silicone.
Perhaps the most irritating aspect of the film is the music score, which is wildly inappropriate at times.
Favorite quote: "Please find out immediately who told the governor I was torturing (blank)."
Recommended only for those people who HAVE to see every WIP flick.
Out of the hundreds of Italian films I've watched over the years, this
is one of the worst. It's about as erotic and going dogging in some car
park in Glasgow and watching two middle aged people with flatulence
problems going at it in a Ford Escot 3i.
Two lovers are killed by a big shot, and the only person who can name the guy as a murderer is framed, sent to jail, and kept drugged in a room by the warden. The witness manages to bribe a guard into contacting the dead girl's sister but soon after the guard is thrown to her death down a stairwell (hiliariously, it sounds like she's falling down a 300 foot ravine). The dead girl's sister manages to get herself imprisoned in order to get to the witness, and teams up with inmate Eureka to get rid of the warden, free the witness, and indulge in a bit of loving.
The warden of course is a vicious lesbian with a snitch on the inside, who like to brand her inmates in the dungeon. The governor is a porn obsessed nutter with a blind and deaf wife who employs an inmate as a cook and proceeds to rape her. Classy! Throw in loads of crappy simulated girl on girl sex (the type where everyone just sort of writhes about and don't really do anything), a bit of violence, some shower scenes, and that's about the whole film right there.
In between all the writhing around you've got some hilarious dubbing, with lines like "Who killed that mad, demented creature?" and the governor shouting "Chocks away!" before indulging in some light hearted rape. You've also got the sister working with the prison doctor and them suddenly declaring their love for each other, which leads to the most disturbing scene of the film, where the actress absolutely does not want her crotch grabbed, but the guy keeps trying anyway. Watching the actress constantly pulling this guy's hands away set to funky music is enough to extinguish any kind of arousal the film, to that point, may have caused, so if any of you have any thoughts of knocking one out while watching this crap be warned.
Also, the warden looked like the lead singer of the New York Dolls and the cook girl looked like the white guy from Rising Damp who wasn't Leonard Rossiter. Everyone else is butt ugly which is unusual for an Italian film and I've even heard that the actress that played Eureka was a hermaphrodite.
This is truly bottom of the barrel stuff, Italian film wise, right down there with Alfonso Breschia's space films. Also, there's some big hairy arses in there for the ladies (aye right even the most demented woman in the world would avoid this one!).
Women-In-Prison movies at their best can be either serious or fun, but this terrible film is neither. It is....nothing. It just sits there, never doing anything exciting. Incompetence and cheapness are obvious in almost every frame - the climactic prison "riot" is represented by a couple of off-screen shotgun shots. It's really unerotic too - as I've said before, explicitness (which is certainly present here) does NOT equal eroticism if there is no proper buildup. The heroine spends the entire movie seeking "the truth" about her sister's death - a truth the viewer knows right from the start. Simply put, this film is an endurance test for even the most die-hard WIP fanatics. (*)
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I am extremely easily entertained; I have a very low laugh threshold &
am prone to inappropriate hilarity when least suitable. That said, I
got a kick out of this paean to horrible movie making, and gave it a 6
because I really ROFL'ed several times.
I put "spoiler alert" for the funniest line of the film - the awful degenerate governor is forcing himself on his disabled wife's caretaker, and after stripping her naked and pushing her on the couch, announces, "I feel like some muff-diving!" He then dives in, head-first-for about a second; then rares back up and goes at her like a rabbit having an epileptic seizure.
We were trying to figure out-could this have actually been a halfway decent hard-core porn movie that was chopped up as though a Benihana cook was on a mad spree? I'm trying to find out more info about it. I will have to revise my opinion if it was actually MADE this bad.
I like porn as much as the next person, but the girl-on-girl action was WEIRD by today's standards. It seemed to consist of the girls simulating intercourse on each other, and writhing in mock ecstasy as the other partner rubbed her mouth over the girl's torso. LOL Not the most erogenous of zones (although I am ticklish, maybe they were too.) There were no toys, no simulated oral sex, and they would not touch tongues (although there was a lot of open mouth kissing and strange noises being made.)
I guess this being a prison, such luxuries as toys would have been hard to come by-but you'd think the sadistic warden would have been able to afford one. Whoa. Maybe she REALLY HATED "Man-Junk" in all its forms.
If you're mildly drunk, easily amused, and have a penchant for strange movies with horrible music and more plot twists than a lab rat maze- here's the flick for you!
PS-if this REALLY was what they meant to produce-I drop my rating to a 3. It was still funny, though! ;-)
Wow. Just wow. What we have here, ladies and gentlemen is a true piece
of subversive cinema. It may look like a film, it may smell like a
film, but what it is, in essence, is a soft-core porno.
Forget the nonsense on the back of the box about the plot. Alright I'll brief you on it: a woman infiltrates a prison disguised as an inmate to find the only witness to her sister's murder. Yadda yadda yadda. Pure window dressing.
You can skip all the badly dubbed English and the terrible music.. just stick it on mute, close the curtains and hit fast forward to the nudie bits. And believe me, you'll never have long to wait between scenes. There's lesbianism, sado-masochism, intimately detailed showers.. and if you're really boring just straight-out sex.
It's just a shame so many of the women are ugly, but hey.. I guess the director couldn't afford Playboy's finest on his budget of 2p, a button and half a pack of Spearmint Polos, so that's okay. Just try to imagine them with the head of Angelina Jolie.
Oops, I've probably spent too long talking.. you probably want to get started!! I'll leave you to it, and get back to reviewing the real films!! Have fun!! 0/10
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