|Index||9 reviews in total|
J. Canker Huxley doesn't know what he's talking about. American Pie is garbage. It isn't funny. The First Turn-On is a classic from the days when there were such things as "teenage sex romps." It has no aspirations other than to amuse and to exploit. Movies like Road Trip and American Pie want to have their cake and eat it too---they try to be lewd and crude, yet still contain a "message" or be moral. The First Turn-On has no morals and therefore succeeds in being entertaining.
My interest in this film was purely as a fan of Vincent D'Onofrio..and this is his first ever movie made at the tender age of twenty four. His role is small however, but his character is actually quite funny. He plays a psychotic,brainless teenager called Lobotomy..and oh, how his acting improved over the years! The film itself is a carry on movie meets Airplane! lots of silly humour and innuendo. It's set at a kids summer camp with dubious members of staff and centres around four teens and a dizzy blonde staff members stories of their first seductions..it is funny in parts but also very silly. It's not a bad film, just a piece of inane fluff.
One of Troma's first entries in the teen sex comedy genre, it is average at
best. "The First Turn On!!" is about a bunch of idiot teen campers and a
female counselor get stuck in a cave and "describe" their first sexual
This is a pretty subaverage fare for even Troma films. In the world of teenage sex romps it pales in comparison to recent films such as "American Pie" and "Road Trip."
There are some highlights in this film. This was a first film for Vincent D'Onofrio (Full Metal Jacket, Feeling Minnesota, Men in Black, Steal this Movie!) as a fat loser and a funny cameo by comedian and all-around nice guy Rondell Sheridan as a gang member.
The real gem of this movie is the sound track from the seminal new wave band "Shrapnel" featuring some of their best (and unreleased) stuff. Hearing the song "Sleep Over" and the goofy performances by Sheridan and D'Onofrio are worth giving this film a watch on cable or a $1.00 rental (but not much else).
I used to hate 80's teen movies (it was bad enough actually BEING a
teenager in the 80's without having to watch a bunch of crappy movies
about it). But now a warm glow of nostalgia (or incipient senility) has
set in and I kind of like some of them. I still don't care for some of
the more famous ones ("The Breakfast Club", "Dirty Dancing", etc.), but
I like some of the ones that are kind of realistic (if somewhat
depressing) like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "The Last American
Virgin", or, on the other hand, films like this one that are so
ridiculous you can't take them seriously at all. Since this film was
made by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz of Troma, it is of course very
self-consciously campy (if not quite as much as their more famous
"Toxic Avenger" series). It takes place at a strange camp where the
"campers" all seem to be in their early twenties. A counselor and four
"campers" get trapped in a cave and decide to pass the time by telling
each other stories of their "first time".
The stories are all REALLY dumb, but this movie uses an interesting device where the flashbacks on screen often contradict the story the character is telling. I remember a few years later a mainstream critic practically wetting himself when overrated film genius Steven Sodeberg did this in "sex, lies and videotape". Of course, this device is much more incompetently rendered here and a plot twist near the end really makes hash of it (but then again "sex, lies, and videotape" doesn't end in a big orgy like this one does).
But I'm sure nobody but me cares about any of this so let's get to the two most important things--the "T", and of course, the "A". There's plenty of it here naturally as in any Troma movie. Most of the girls, however, aren't stunningly attractive except for Sheila Kennedy, who was a former Penthouse Pet and years later appeared in the TV "reality dreck "Big Brother" (and I don't which of these is the skeleton in her closet). This movie is definitely a skeleton in the closet of Emmy and Academy Award-nominated actor Vincent D'nofrio. I certainly don't agree with Lloyd Kaufman's introductory comment that Sheila Kennedy is better in this than D'nofrio was in "Full Metal Jacket", but she's better than he is in this movie (of course, she doesn't have to stretch herself too much since she's actually playing a Penthouse Pet here). Anyway, those that enjoy this kind of celebrity early-career embarrassment will certainly enjoy Vince here.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Four teenagers and a summercamp counselor find themselves trapped in a cave after an avalanche. The quintet decide to make the time pass by faster by swapping (wildly embellished) stories about their first sexual experiences. Directors Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, working from a blithely lowbrow script, gleefully wallow in a cheerfully crude and stupid sense of anything-goes dippy toilet bowl humor with a steady succession of always sophomoric and often sidesplitting no-brainer jokes about such things as pot smoking, hillbillies, urination, masturbation, herpes, and a hysterical group orgy scene that's truly something to behold. Naturally, we also get a tasty truckload of yummy female nudity and lots of leering soft-core sex. The cast broadly overact their colorful roles with deliciously enthusiastic go-for-it relish, with especially amusing contributions by Georgia Harrell as annoyingly chipper nature freak Michelle, Michael Sanville as macho lout Mitch, Googy Gress as tubby slob Henry, Heidi Miller as luscious tart Annie Goldberg, John Flood as the cocky Danny Anderson, Betty Pia as Danny's shrewish mom Ms. Anderson, and Mark Torgl (Melvin the mop boy in "The Toxic Avenger") as supremely disgusting geek Dwayne. Insanely foxy "Penthouse" Pet Sheila Kennedy burns up the screen as basically herself while Vincent D'Onofrio in his ignominious cinematic debut goes totally over the top as incredibly obnoxious psycho Lobotomy. The bouncy soundtrack and cornball stock film library score further enhance this picture's considerable inane charm. This is the type of flat-out idiotic junk that's frequently very funny because of its gloriously blatant and unapologetic dumbness. A complete raunchy'n'wacky riot.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I think some reviewers saw a different movie.
Here's what really happens:
During the last day of summer camp, the nature teacher takes a group of kids into a walk in the woods. Four kids favor weeds over woods, so they sidetrack to a cave. They are Mitch The Stud ("Not Stump!"), his girlfriend Annie, Lobotomy (a fat young D'Onofrio) and wise guy Danny. When the nature teacher finds it out, she goes back to find them. Shortly after entering the cave, some rocks fall down and she warns the kids to be quiet. Alas, Lobotomy can't help farting. Rocks promptly fall over the entrance.
Meanwhile, we see highlights from camp, among them:
The camp's manager shows the kids a promotional movie about how Americans love nature. Suffice to say it includes a fat family that drive over nature on a tank and hunt down endangered species.
One guy convinces his friend that jerking off over a girl's food would make her desire him. He does so but the camp's blond yet dirty (her face and hands, that is) cook eats it instead. Suddenly her eyes twist in ecstasy. She then runs over to his table and jumps him on the ground. So basically we have a camp worker forcing herself on a kid, but we don't see what happens next.
The kids always hated arts and crafts' class, until the big chested teacher brings over a nude small chested Afro-American model.
Back to our forsaken trapped heroes. The teacher constantly fights with Mitch until he claims her first time must have ruined her relationships with men. To avoid the issue, she dares him revealing his own first time (if he had one). To her surprise, he takes her seriously and the other kids join in. They expect her to do the same in the end.
Here are their five flashbacks:
Mitch was in a car with his date, whose hand he used to jerk off. She partially objected but finally kicked him out when her hands and dress were all soiled by his cum. He hitchhiked in a no hitchhike zone and met a cowgirl, who invited him over later. He brought along his macho friend Johnny, who inked his hand with five how to get sex tips (see the quotes for #5). Mitch inspected her apartment while Johnny entered her bedroom. The inspection made Mitch realize "she's not a whore. What have I done?" The cowgirl found Johnny idiotic but still got in bed with him. Well, until he used a water bucket for tip #4 ("get her wet"). Mitch rescued her and chased Johnny away to the street with the bucket on his head. Mitch came clean it was his first time. She laughed, apologized and then tutored him through.
Lobotomy once dressed up as a ghost in Halloween. Unfortunately, his mask resembled a KKK one. He then walked across a group of Afro-Americans who beat up a blond girl. They proceeded to beat him up too and ran away. She thought his presence drove them away so she thanked him and took him home. What do you know? She was "the richest, most beautiful, most sophisticated, teenage nymphomaniac in town". She had her house filled with donuts before getting there. Lobotomy didn't understand what she saw in him, but she told him he was different. Her butler was so excited to hear this that he fingered a bottle (hey, I'm just reporting it!). Finally, "one donut led to another" and they got in bed. As we got to see her unique upper body (big nipples over small breasts), he got to hear her asking if she was good enough for him. He replied it couldn't get better, but she begged to differ and started lowering her head.
Annie had an "out of work starving actor" breaking in her farm. She beat him but decided to free him. She got him food and took him to the stable. She partially took off her shirt and they mutually got it on. Perhaps it was his first time too because he got so excited he fainted. It really disappointed Annie, who wanted more.
Danny was vacationing with his older brother Ted. Ted asked his girlfriend to invite another friend for a double date. She forgot and arrived alone to their hotel room. When she asked Ted to get rid of his kid brother, somehow he entered another room and met the woman of his dreams (from Penthouse), who invited him to bed. Ted's girlfriend led him on and eventually left him. Somehow she also ended up in that bedroom and had a threesome with Danny.
When the teacher was a teenager, she had a boyfriend. She brought him over for dinner. In a long disgusting scene, he dipped his always dirty hands and face (just like the cook earlier) in the food and ate it like a hungry wild animal. He also made bold sexual suggestions whenever her parents mentioned her name, and yet they still liked him just like she did. She only changed her mind about him when he ditched her for another (obviously as dumb) girl during prom. She then met blond twins, who took her bowling only to have a threesome (sandwich style - she being the meat) right on one of the tracks.
With the flashbacks over and the oxygen almost running out, the four kids confess their stories were fake. So as a dying wish, they all hug each other and next thing you know they're naked. Yes, just a naked group hug, no orgy like some reviewers said. Instead, Mitch and the teacher's constant bickering finally turns into sex. Danny and Annie get it on. And Lobotomy...well, poor D'Onofrio is left without a sexual partner so he just constantly slaps his fat chest like a gorilla. Anyway, their screams cause the rocks to get cleared from the entrance.
The First Turn-On!! (must have the two exclamation points there
because, hey, more stuff on the poster!!) is a sex-romp where we get to
see the inside scoops on what the "first time" was like for a few
ass-wipes and two stuck up chicks (to speak in Beavis & Butt-head
tongue), and they all beef up their stories that they tell in the cave
after an avalanche makes the cave impenetrable... he-he, impenetrable,
is that a funny? Well, no, on to the movie itself, one of the early
collaborations between Troma founder/bad-taste pioneers Michael Herz
and Lloyd Kaufman, who share producer/director credits here.
Their game, if one can't tell from their other movies, is intentionally hitting the lowest common denominator. They do have a tongue-in-cheek through most of it- that is when the misogyny doesn't scream out like a young lady's first or almost orgasm- and at least they're not trying to be offensive... actually, no, that's a lie. If you got offended by this, they won half the battle (and if you paid for the whole DVD- as opposed to, with some wit, getting it off of Netflix instant-view, they won the other half).
I would like to try to look deeper into some of the psychological ramifications of what the campers and camp-leader with the frizzy 80's hair and wide blue eyes go into, but does it matter? Whenever Kaufman and Herz try to get on with a story it makes so many detours it threatens to jump off a cliff with two boobs in your face. This said, throughout the raucous and stupid and juvenile and just flat-out gross and 11-year old humor wedged into a very-R-rated sex comedy, I actually did laugh at a few lines like "This would be easier than (bleeping) a tomato", and there were a few sight gags that did make me chuckle loudly. I could probably count those times on one hand. And I guess there are some nice bosoms, to note once again. The rest of it is obnoxious crap-comedy, the kind where you roll your eyes or just sit in momentary stunned silence and go "really, you had to go there?
It's a Porky's knock-off at camp that unfortunately doesn't go far enough to anticipate 127 Hours. Now if they had to cut off some genitals to stay alive (mostly testicles) it might be a better night out.
Oh, poor Vincent D'Onofrio! The only people who should pay any money to see this movie are collectors who buy the DVD because they want to get everything Vincent D'Onofrio has ever done. And, for the record, he has no part in what makes this movie awful. That honor goes to the actors who had the main parts, and to the writers, and to the directors, and to the producers....You know, the collectors should pay for it, maybe, but I don't think that even they should see it. Keep it sealed and be afraid, be very afraid. Oh, O.K., true fans of Vincent D'Onofrio can watch what is, according to IMDb, his first film performance, if they have strong enough stomachs to deal with the rest of this garbage. This "teenage sex comedy" wasn't funny, wasn't sexy, and I don't think the performers looked particularly teen-aged!
A completely pointless excuse to put some of the ugliest women in the
history of 'cinema' on screen without their tops on. I don't know where
comedy bit came into this film, as the funniest bit of it was watching the
woman cop a double decker on the bowling alley.
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