Curse of the Pink Panther (1983)
Countess Chandra: Darling?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, my darling?
Countess Chandra: You're smoking the wrong end.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes... I knew that. You don't have to tell me I am smoking zhe wrong end. Do you know why I am smoking zhe wrong end?
Countess Chandra: No darling, but I'm sure you've got a very good reason.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You're right! I am smoking on zhe wrong end, because I have a very good reason.
Valencia Police Chief: Is that Slay as in to kill?
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: No. That's Sleigh as in one horse open.
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: [offering photograph] Do you know this man?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: No! I have never seen this person ever in my life! Never!
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: It's Inspector Clouseau.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: *Chief* Inspector.
Countess Chandra: *That's* Inspector Clouseau.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: *Chief* Inspector!
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: You know him?
Countess Chandra: Yes!
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: What?
Taxi Driver: Damn! Who the hell is trying to kill you?
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: I don't know!
Taxi Driver: [Scene cuts briefly to car chase] Maybe they're trying to kill me. Who would want to kill me? No, no, no it couldn't be my wife, she doesn't drive.
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: Well, whoever it is you gotta try an' lose 'em.
Taxi Driver: When somebody's shooting at you, you gotta do better than trying.
Countess Chandra: We have a problem, Julie's in hospital. The man Chief Fagilla says shot her with the tranquilizer dart has escaped. Chief Fagilla says the man was impersonating Sergent Sleigh. Doesn't make sense, Julie knew what Sleigh looked like.
Doctor: Sometimes it is possible to look like one person but actually be another.
[Finishes removing bandages]
Countess Chandra: My God! It's fantastic. Oh darling.
[Kisses figure in chair]
Doctor: Don't kiss him too hard, his lips might fall off.
Countess Chandra: [Breaks from kiss] What?
Doctor: Just a little surgical humor.
Sergeant Francois Duval: [Visiting Dreyfus in hospital after Sergent Sleigh knocked him out his office window] Is there anything I can do for you?
[Dreyfus groans in pain]
Sergeant Francois Duval: Are you in much pain?
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: My leg hurts, but my throat is killing me.
Sergeant Francois Duval: You nearly choked to death on a goldfish
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: Where is he?
Sergeant Francois Duval: I don't know, I don't think they kept it.
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: Not the fish! Detective Sleigh!
Sergeant Francois Duval: [answers call] Oh it's you, good afternoon, where are you?
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: [lying in a hospital bed and wrapped in heaps of bandages] I am in agony.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: By the way, we have not been properly introduced. You of course know who I am.
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: Sergeant Sleigh.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: No, I am not Sergeant Sleigh.
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: No, 'I'm' Sergeant Sleigh.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Oh yes! Now we are getting somewhere.
Prof. Auguste Balls: [In reference to Cunny] He can whip you up a very nice suit with two pairs of pants while you wait; what do you say?
Sergeant Clifton Sleigh: Uh... no, you see I'm investigating...
Prof. Auguste Balls: Of course you're investigating! You're a policeman. I knew that the moment you walked into my emporium: Your courage, your alertness, the way your eyes take in everything. I immediately said to myself "Balls, this is a policeman's policeman."
[Begins taking Sleigh's measurements]
Doctor: The explosion severely traumatized your left eardrum, but if you are careful and avoid all loud noises, partial hearing should be restored in a few days.
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: What about the ringing?
Doctor: I'm afraid that might take longer.
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: It's very loud, I keep wanting to answer the telephone.
Doctor: Just take the medicine I prescribe, and plenty of rest.
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: All right, thank you Doctor.
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: [after the doctor has left, and Francois is wheeling Dreyfus down the corridor of the hospital] What if I can't distinguish the difference between the ringing in my ear and the phone?
Sergeant Francois Duval: That could be a problem.
Sergeant Francois Duval: It may not last much longer.
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: I couldn't stand it if it did. Where is Sleigh?.
Sergeant Francois Duval: On his way to Valencia
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: Valencia?
Sergeant Francois Duval: A tip from Sir Charles.
Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: [Phone on wall starts ringing] There! It's getting worse.
Countess Chandra: [first lines; receiving the Pink Panther diamond from Rossi. Clouseau enters the room] How much?
Gino Rossi: Six million.
Countess Chandra: But that's ridiculous.
Gino Rossi: It's at least worth thirty.
Countess Chandra: It'll have to be split with at least forty percent of it.
George Lytton: [last lines; holding the stolen Pink Panther] Beautiful.
Sir Charles Litton: Do you, umm... recommend Countess Chandra's?
Lady Simone Litton: Definitely. In fact, I'd love to go back there and spend more time.
Sir Charles Litton: By the way, I seem to be missing a glove.
Lady Simone Litton: "Always leave something for something" is my motto. What's yours?
Sir Charles Litton: "Never look a gift horse in the mouth".
George Lytton: I'll drink to that.