George LeBay: Her name's Christine.
Arnie Cunningham: I like that.
Dennis Guilder: Come on Arnie, we gotta get goin', huh?
George LeBay: My asshole brother bought her back in September '57. That's when you got your new model year, in September. Brand-new, she was. She had the smell of a brand-new car. That's just about the finest smell in the world, 'cept maybe for pussy.
[Will and Dennis are approaching Arnie who has just parked Christine in Will's garage]
Will Darnell: [to Dennis] I knew a guy had a car like that once. Fuckin' bastard killed himself in it. Son of a bitch was so mean, you could've poured boiling water down his throat and he would've pissed ice cubes!
Will Darnell: Okay. That's the last time you run that mechanical asshole in here without an exhaust hose... I catch you doing it one time, and you're out, you understand? HUH?
Arnie Cunningham: Yes, sir.
Will Darnell: And I'm gonna tell you something else right now. I don't take any shit from you kids. This place is for working stiffs gotta keep their cars running so they can keep bread on the table, it's not for rich-assed, snot-nose kids who wanna go dragging around on the Orange Belt. I don't allow no smoking in here, neither! You wanna' butt, you go out in the junkyard!
Arnie Cunningham: Oh, well I don't sm...
Will Darnell: [interrupting] Don't interrupt me, punk! Don't interrupt me, don't get smart!
Dennis Guilder: Uhh, sir?
Will Darnell: What?
Dennis Guilder: [points at Darnell's own men who are smoking at a card table] Those men over there smoking. You better tell then to stop.
Will Darnell: You trying to help your buddy right out of here, jerk?
Dennis Guilder: Nah.
Will Darnell: Then shut your pie-hole. I know a creep when I see one. I think I'm looking at one right now.
[turns back to Arnie]
Will Darnell: You're on probation... you get it? You screw around with me once, I don't care how much money you paid up in front, I'll throw you out on your ass! Now you got it? HUH?
Arnie Cunningham: Yessir, yessir.
Will Darnell: Good! Now, get the hell out of here, we're closed.
Mr. Casey: [after being told that Buddy Repperton has a switchblade] Turn out your pockets, Buddy.
Buddy Repperton: The fuck I will, you can't make me.
Mr. Casey: If you mean I don't have the authority, you're wrong, and if you think I won't turn out your pockets for you...
Buddy Repperton: [interrupting him] Yeah, you try and I'll knock you through the wall, you little bald fuck! Fuck!
Mr. Casey: Turn out you pockets, Buddy, or I'm gonna call the cops.
[Repperton reaches into his pocket, pulls out a switchblade and drops it on the floor]
Mr. Casey: Go to the office Buddy, don't go anywhere else, you're in enough trouble already.
Arnie Cunningham: Whoa, whoa. You better watch what you say about my car. She's real sensitive.
Arnie Cunningham: Has it ever occurred to you that part of being a parent is tryin' to kill your kids?
George LeBay: What the hell do you want?
Dennis Guilder: I know about your brother. I know he died choking on exhaust fumes.
George LeBay: You don't know shit, kid. My brother died because he wanted to. He ran a rubber hose from the exhaust pipe.
Dennis Guilder: Arnie would have never bought that car if he'd known somebody died in it.
George LeBay: Either you're dumber than you look, or you don't know your friend very well. He had the same look in his eye that my brother always had. Probably the only thing my brother ever loved in his whole rotten life was that car. No shitter ever came between him and Christine, if they did... watch out! He had a five-year-old daughter choke to death in her... he wouldn't get rid of her. He just rode around with the radio blaring, not a care in the world except for Christine. Only time I ever interfered with it was when Rita killed herself.
Dennis Guilder: Who's Rita?
George LeBay: His wife! He didn't care a rat's ass about her! She died the same way he did... then I made him get rid of it... for decency, ya know? Of course, the car came back three weeks later.
Dennis Guilder: What do you mean "came back"?
[Lebay looks back as if to say, "You know what I mean"]
Will Darnell: Look... uhhh... I know you don't exactly have money falling out of your asshole. If you did, you wouldn't be here.
Will Darnell: Maybe we can work out some kind of deal... Why don't you sweep up around the place... do a few lubes... put the toilet paper on the little spools, shit like that. Do that and you can raid my junk pile for whatever you want. I might even throw in a few bucks.
Arnie Cunningham: Well, I'll have to think about it.
Will Darnell: Well, don't think about it too long, I'll throw you out on your fuckin' ass!
Rudolph Junkins: The kid was cut in half Arnie, they had to scrape his legs up with a shovel.
Arnie Cunningham: Well, isn't that what you're supposed to do with shit? Scrape it up with a little shovel?
Rudolph Junkins: Don't get smart with me, son. Your girlfriend is a hell of a lot more convincing than you are.
Arnie Cunningham: [laughs] She's not my girlfriend. And since when is it against the law to fix up your own car when somebody else busts it up, huh?
Rudolph Junkins: ...since never.
Arnie Cunningham: Then you get off my back.
Rudolph Junkins: [pause] Okay.
[Junkins walks away. Arnie rubs at the spot where Junkins leaned on Christine]
Bemis: She smiled at me. I want to have deep, meaningful sex with her.
[Arnie is pulling a worn out, smoking old Christine into Darnell's Do It Yourself garage as Darnell and Dennis look on]
Will Darnell: 'Kiddo, you sold him that piece of shit, you oughta be fuckin' ashamed of yourself.
Dennis Guilder: I didn't sell it to him. I tried to talk him out of it.
Will Darnell: You shoulda' tried harder.
Buddy Repperton: I'll fix you... you're gonna wish you were never fucking born!
Buddy Repperton: Let's give this asshole some of his own medicine.
Michael Cunningham: Your mother and I have decided to buy you a new car.
Arnie Cunningham: [to his mother] That's what everyone wants isn't it? Well, fuck you. I'm going to fix up Christine.
[walks away, his dad gets up and confronts him and grabs him by the shoulder]
Michael Cunningham: Listen, mister me and your mother have taken disrespect from you once too many times! Now, you go in there and apologize right now!
Arnie Cunningham: [grabs him by the neck] Keep your mitts off me, motherfucker! I'm hittin' the sack.
Rudolph Junkins: I understand, uh, one of the perpetrators, uh, defecated on the dashboard. Now, I woulda thought you'd be madder than hell at that. And I thought you woulda reported that.
Arnie Cunningham: Shit wipes off.
Arnie Cunningham: Let me tell you a little something about love, Dennis. It has a voracious appetite. It eats everything. Friendship. Family. It kills me how much it eats. But I'll tell you something else. You feed it right, and it can be a beautiful thing, and that's what we have.
[voice rising in volume]
Arnie Cunningham: You know, when someone believes in you, man, you can do anything, any fucking thing in the entire universe. And when you believe right back in that someone, then watch out world, because nobody can stop you then, nobody! Ever!
Dennis Guilder: You feel this way about Leigh?
Arnie Cunningham: What? Fuck *no*, I'm talkin' about Christine, man! No shitter ever came between me and Christine...
Arnie Cunningham: Oh man, there is nothing finer than being behind the wheel of your own car! Except *maybe* for pussy!
Arnie Cunningham: [after taking hands off the steering wheel at high speed, realizing that Dennis is panicking] Don't be scared.
Dennis Guilder: [Voice begins to crack and mildly begins crying] I'm scared for *you*, man, for what's happened to you. It's this fucking car!
Arnie Cunningham: [commenting on the altercation with Repperton] All in all, it wasn't a bad first day.