[Will and Dennis are approaching Arnie who has just parked Christine in Will's garage]
Will Darnell: [to Dennis] I knew a guy had a car like that once. Fuckin' bastard killed himself in it. Son of a bitch was so mean, you could've poured boiling water down his throat and he would've pissed ice cubes!
Will Darnell: Okay. That's the last time you run that mechanical asshole in here without an exhaust hose... I catch you doing it one time, and you're out, you understand? HUH?
Arnie Cunningham: Yes, sir.
Will Darnell: And I'm gonna tell you something else right now. I don't take any shit from you kids. This place is for working stiffs gotta keep their cars running so they can keep bread on the table, it's not for rich-assed, snot-nose kids who wanna go dragging around on the Orange Belt. I don't allow no smoking in here, neither! You wanna' butt, you go out in the junkyard!
Arnie Cunningham: Oh, well I don't sm...
Will Darnell: [interrupting] Don't interrupt me, punk! Don't interrupt me, don't get smart!
Dennis Guilder: Uhh, sir?
Will Darnell: What?
Dennis Guilder: [points at Darnell's own men who are smoking at a card table] Those men over there smoking. You better tell then to stop.
Will Darnell: You trying to help your buddy right out of here, jerk?
Dennis Guilder: Nah.
Will Darnell: Then shut your pie-hole. I know a creep when I see one. I think I'm looking at one right now.
[turns back to Arnie]
Will Darnell: You're on probation... you get it? You screw around with me once, I don't care how much money you paid up in front, I'll throw you out on your ass! Now you got it? HUH?
Arnie Cunningham: Yessir, yessir.
Will Darnell: Good! Now, get the hell out of here, we're closed.
Mr. Casey: [after being told that Buddy Repperton has a switchblade] Empty your pockets, Buddy.
Buddy Repperton: Fuck I will. You can't make me.
Mr. Casey: If you mean I don't have the authority, you're wrong. If you mean I can't turn out your pockets myself...
Buddy Repperton: [interrupting him] Yeah, try it, you little bald fuck and I'll knock you through the wall! Fuck!
Mr. Casey: [turns to Buddy's friends] You two boys go up to the office. Stay there. Don't go anywhere else. You got enough trouble without that.
Mr. Casey: [turns back to Buddy] Now... if you don't empty your pockets right now, I'm gonna call the cops.
[Repperton reaches into his pocket, pulls out a switchblade and drops it on the floor]
Mr. Casey: Go to the office, Buddy.
George LeBay: What the hell do you want?
Dennis Guilder: I know about your brother. I know he died choking on exhaust fumes.
George LeBay: You don't know shit, kid. My brother died because he wanted to. He ran a rubber hose from the exhaust pipe.
Dennis Guilder: Arnie would have never bought that car if he'd known somebody died in it.
George LeBay: Either you're dumber than you look, or you don't know your friend very well. He had the same look in his eye that my brother always had. Probably the only thing my brother ever loved in his whole rotten life was that car. No shitter ever came between him and Christine, if they did... watch out! He had a five-year-old daughter choke to death in her... he wouldn't get rid of her. He just rode around with the radio blaring, not a care in the world except for Christine. Only time I ever interfered with it was when Rita killed herself.
Dennis Guilder: Who's Rita?
George LeBay: His wife! He didn't care a rat's ass about her! She died the same way he did... then I made him get rid of it... for decency, ya know? Of course, the car came back three weeks later.
Dennis Guilder: What do you mean "came back"?
[Lebay looks back as if to say, "You know what I mean"]
Arnie Cunningham: Let me tell you a little something about love, Dennis. It has a voracious appetite. It eats everything. Friendship. Family. It kills me how much it eats. But I'll tell you something else. You feed it right, and it can be a beautiful thing, and that's what we have.
[voice rising in volume]
Arnie Cunningham: You know, when someone believes in you, man, you can do anything, any fucking thing in the entire universe. And when you believe right back in that someone, then watch out world, because nobody can stop you then, nobody! Ever!
Dennis Guilder: You feel this way about Leigh?
Arnie Cunningham: What? Fuck *no*, I'm talkin' about Christine, man! No shitter ever came between me and Christine...
George LeBay: Her name's Christine.
Arnie Cunningham: I like that.
Dennis Guilder: Come on Arnie, we gotta get goin', huh?
George LeBay: My asshole brother bought her back in September '57. That's when you got your new model year, in September. Brand-new, she was. She had the smell of a brand-new car. That's just about the finest smell in the world, 'cept maybe for pussy.
Arnie Cunningham: Whoa, whoa. You better watch what you say about my car. She's real sensitive.
Rudolph Junkins: The kid was cut in half Arnie, they had to scrape his legs up with a shovel.
Arnie Cunningham: Well, isn't that what you're supposed to do with shit? Scrape it up with a little shovel?
Rudolph Junkins: Don't get smart with me, son. Your girlfriend is a hell of a lot more convincing than you are.
Arnie Cunningham: [laughs] She's not my girlfriend. And since when is it against the law to fix up your own car when somebody else busts it up, huh?
Rudolph Junkins: ...since never.
Arnie Cunningham: Then you get off my back.
Rudolph Junkins: [pause] Okay.
[Junkins walks away. Arnie rubs at the spot where Junkins leaned on Christine]
Bemis: She smiled at me. I want to have deep, meaningful sex with her.
Arnie Cunningham: Has it ever occurred to you that part of being a parent is tryin' to kill your kids?
Rudolph Junkins: I understand, uh, one of the perpetrators, uh, defecated on the dashboard. Now, I woulda thought you'd be madder than hell at that. And I thought you woulda reported that.
Arnie Cunningham: Shit wipes off.
[after Christine is completely wrecked]
Arnie Cunningham: It's your fault. If you hadn't been so damned selfish you wouldn't let me park my own car, in your precious driveway, this never would have happened.
Regina Cunningham: Arnie, that's not fair.
Arnie Cunningham: Oh, it's fair.
Regina Cunningham: Can't we even talk about this like rational human beings?
Arnie Cunningham: One of them took a shit on the dashboard of my car, mom! Now, how's that for rational, huh?
Arnie Cunningham: [after Leigh hits Christine's cushions in anger] No, no. Don't do that.
Leigh Cabot: What? You don't like me slapping your girl?
[Arnie is pulling a worn out, smoking old Christine into Darnell's Do It Yourself garage as Darnell and Dennis look on]
Will Darnell: 'Kiddo, you sold him that piece of shit, you oughta be fuckin' ashamed of yourself.
Dennis Guilder: I didn't sell it to him. I tried to talk him out of it.
Will Darnell: You shoulda' tried harder.
Will Darnell: Look... uhhh... I know you don't exactly have money falling out of your asshole. If you did, you wouldn't be here.
Will Darnell: Maybe we can work out some kind of deal... Why don't you sweep up around the place... do a few lubes... put the toilet paper on the little spools, shit like that. Do that and you can raid my junk pile for whatever you want. I might even throw in a few bucks.
Arnie Cunningham: Well, I'll have to think about it.
Will Darnell: Well, don't think about it too long, I'll throw you out on your fuckin' ass!
Michael Cunningham: Your mother and I have decided to buy you a new car.
Arnie Cunningham: [to his mother] That's what everyone wants isn't it? Well, fuck you. I'm going to fix up Christine.
[walks away, his dad gets up and confronts him and grabs him by the shoulder]
Michael Cunningham: Listen, mister me and your mother have taken disrespect from you once too many times! Now, you go in there and apologize right now!
Arnie Cunningham: [grabs him by the neck] Keep your mitts off me, motherfucker! I'm hittin' the sack.
Arnie Cunningham: [commenting on the altercation with Repperton] All in all, it wasn't a bad first day.
Arnie Cunningham: [Christine won't start] Come on.
Arnie Cunningham: [Christine still won't start] Come on, Christine.
Arnie Cunningham: [Christine still won't start] Come on, baby, please. It's all right. Everything is the same.
[Christine starts and the radio comes on]
Arnie Cunningham: [smiles] Okay.
Arnie Cunningham: [recalling a limerick from kindergarten] There once was a bimbo named Alice; Used a dynamite-stick for a phallus. They found her vagina in North Carolina, and her asshole in Buckingham Palace.
Regina Cunningham: How could you have let him do this?
Dennis Guilder: I didn't let him. I mean he wanted the car and he bought it. I tried to talk him out of it, in fact.
Regina Cunningham: Mm, I doubt that you tried very hard.
Dennis Guilder: Yeah, well I'm going home.
Regina Cunningham: I think you should.
Arnie Cunningham: OK that's it, I'm getting the fuck out of here!
Michael Cunningham: Oh, Arnie, now what kind of language is that?
Regina Cunningham: WHAT did you say? What did you say?
Arnie Cunningham: Look, you wanted me in college courses, I'm there. You wanted me in the chess club instead of the band, OK, I'm there too. Now I managed to get through seventeen years without embarrassing your bridge club or landing jail! Now I'm telling you, I'm gonna have this, this one thing!
Regina Cunningham: You are not keeping any car at this house!
Arnie Cunningham: Fine!
Arnie Cunningham: Hi Leigh, huh I, I need to see you.
Leigh Cabot: Arnie, I care about you.
Arnie Cunningham: Look, I love you, Leigh. And I think we deserve one more try. Don't you?
Arnie Cunningham: [shouts] Will you give me a fucking yes or no?
Leigh Cabot: Arnie, please don't do this to me.
Arnie Cunningham: Why don't you just be straight with me, you've had it, right? WELL FUCK YOU, BITCH!
[he hangs up and picks up the phone again]
Arnie Cunningham: Leigh? Leigh? Leigh...
Buddy Repperton: I'll fix you... you're gonna wish you were never fucking born!
Arnie Cunningham: Oh man, there is nothing finer than being behind the wheel of your own car! Except *maybe* for pussy!
Arnie Cunningham: [after taking hands off the steering wheel at high speed, realizing that Dennis is panicking] Don't be scared.
Dennis Guilder: [Voice begins to crack and mildly begins crying] I'm scared for *you*, man, for what's happened to you. It's this fucking car!