The Bill (1984–2010)

Jason Barnett: CSE Eddie Olosunje, Mick Roper, Steve Mwembe

Quotes 

• CSE Eddie Olosunje : I mean, how naff is that? Big bank robber smoking Menthol! Ya know I heard it causes impot...

  DC Jo Masters : How does that help us, Eddie?

• DC Jo Masters : And have we found anything interesting?

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : No, but I smell something interesting. Apricot Danish?

  DC Jo Masters : It's peach, and it's mine.

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Oh, come on, I've been here since 6am. Give us a bite and I'll tell you about a partial print I found?

• CSE Eddie Olosunje : DC Jo Masters... You're wondering how I did that, aren't ya?

  DC Jo Masters : Not really, no.

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : It's your perfume. 'Sensual for Women,' innit? Suits you... Kinda like me...

  DC Jo Masters : I hear you have a match on a partial print for me, Eddie?

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Yeah, it was easy, you know what the stoners are like: sloppy, always takin' their gloves off. I think it's the loss of motor function.

  DC Jo Masters : Let me guess... Tray Simpson, 43 Rudkin Road?

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Yeah.

  DC Jo Masters : Ahh... Wondering how I did that, aren't ya?

• CSE Eddie Olosunje : Got something for you. Sticky bun... and a chocolate éclair.

  DC Jo Masters : Eddie, you're an absolute star! I haven't eaten all day.

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Really? Me neither.

  DC Jo Masters : Mmm, thank you! Mm mm, thanks!

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : There's a little Turkish place round the corner... Fancy a bite? My shout.

  DC Jo Masters : I've gotta get through this work, Eddie.

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Oh, yeah. Another time maybe?

  DC Jo Masters : Sure, whenever.

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Saturday night?

  DC Jo Masters : Eddie, are you asking me out on a date?

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, I felt something between us, didn't--It's not that funny is it?

  DC Jo Masters : Yes, it is.

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Why? I mean, we're mates, ain't we?

  DC Jo Masters : Yeah, Eddie... we're mates, yeah. C'mon, I'm gonna buy you a drink and explain...

• CSE Eddie Olosunje : The body is that of a five foot ten Caucasian male, aged 22 years.

  DC Jacob Banks : How can you tell that without a post-mortem?

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Erm... He was a studious young man with a thirst for knowledge... Wait a minute, I'm getting more... His name was William, William Lucas...

  DC Jacob Banks : You found his wallet...?

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Yeah, it was tucked under the brickwork. His library card was dated 1978.

  DC Jacob Banks : So he's been in there for 30 years?

  CSE Eddie Olosunje : Yeah. His overdue fees must be enormous...

• CSE Eddie Olosunje : I don't mind if you wanna kiss me, DC Webb, but no tongues.