Bill: I'm an idea man Chuck, I get ideas, sometimes I get so many ideas that I can't even fight them off!
Bill: So there I was at the Blackjack table with all my wash 'n' dries... did I tell you I had they idea for them first?
Bill: OK, here's an example. Watch out, stand back.
[speaks into tape recorder]
Bill: This is Bill. Idea to eliminate garbage: edible paper. You see, you eat it, it's gone. Eat it, it's out of there!
Bill: What if you mix the mayonnaise in the can, WITH the tunafish? Or... hold it! Chuck! I got it! Take LIVE tuna fish, and FEED 'em mayonnaise! Oh this is great.
[speaks into tape recorder]
Bill: Call Starkist!
Bill: You tellin' me to shut up?
Chuck: I'm telling you to shut up! I will tell your recorder so that you don't forget!
[Chuck picks up tape recorder and turns it on]
Chuck: Hello, this is Chuck to remind Bill to SHUT UP!
Bill: We're all adults here - we can talk about this openly...
[writing on chalkboard]
Bill: PROSTITUTION! But what does that mean really? Sometimes it helps to understand a word if you break it down, so let's do that now shall we? Pros... it doesn't mean anything, you can forget about that... Tit, I think we all know what that means, Tu, two tit and TION of course, from the Latin to shun... to say uh-uh no thank you anyway I don't want it, to push away... it doesn't even belong in this word really.
Leonard: Oh, that Barney Rubble. What an actor.
Bill Blazejowski: I wash my hands and my feet of you!
Belinda Keaton: Bill, Bill, are you all right? Did you break anything, Bill?
Bill Blazejowski: I caught an updraft.
Chuck Lumley: Are you ok?
Bill: Yeah, I'm all right, don't worry, I'm all right, fortunately the ground broke my fall.
Chuck Lumley: As we sit here and idly chat, there are woman, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men, and we are making money from that.
Bill Blazejowski: Is this a great country, or what?
Bill Blazejowski: What's our job? We like drive around and pickup stiffs, or what? Is that what we are supposed to do?
Bill Blazejowski: [picking up photo from desk] Hey Chuck? Who is this? Your wife?
Chuck Lumley: Fiancée.
Bill Blazejowski: Nice frame!
Bill: LOVE BROKERS!
Bill: [Chuck is spitting on himself in the jail cell] Chuck, come on - it looks bad in front of the other guys!
Chuck Lumley: So what am I running for, cell president?
Bill: No!... they have that?
Chuck Lumley: [reads the forms that Lenoard, the day shift guy left] Name of the deceased... something polish?
Bill: Wanna know why I carry this tape recorder? To tape things. See, I'm an idea man, Chuck. I got ideas coming at me all day... I couldn't even fight 'em off if I wanted. Wait a second... hold the phone! Hold the phone!
[speaking into tape recorder]
Bill: Idea to eliminate garbage. Edible paper. You eat it, it's gone! You eat it, it's outta there! No more garbage!
Chuck: I used to be an investment counselor.
Bill: What's that?
Chuck: It's like a stockbroker.
Bill: So what're you doing babysitting stiffs? What were you... drinker? Big drinker?
Bill: Doper! Toothead! Nose candy! Coke!
Chuck: [elevator door opens; Chuck sees Belinda lying on the elevator floor] Oh my God. Did you fall down? Did somebody hit you?
Belinda Keaton: Other way round. Somebody hit me and then I fell down.
Belinda Keaton: Franklin once told me that he wanted to be buried in his car.
Chuck Lumley: We don't do that.
Belinda Keaton: Oh.
Chuck Lumley: You'll probably have to call the funeral home or the department of motor vehicles.
Belinda Keaton: We are all yours, Chuck!
Bill: [points to morgue cold chambers] What's in here, just stiffs and stuff?
Chuck: Uh, no, we call them "corpses."
Bill: Can I take a peek?
Chuck: I think there's one in #7.
Bill: Hey, this Carboni guy! What's he, like, our boss or what?
Chuck: No, no, he's the supervisor. He's not here at night.
Bill: Nuh-uh! Get outta town! Just you and me and the stiffs alone? Here? That's gonna be radical, Chuck!
[Chuck opens morgue drawer]
Bill: That guy's dead!