- Will Sly: He was saving his money to buy a braille bible, but instead he insisted on buying you these!
- [Will presents Mrs. Ruxton a handful of red roses]
- Mrs. Ruxton: [stunned] Oh, my! The O'Brien Red! Oh, but these are so expensive! You shouldn't have. Oh! I have a precious few of these in me own rose garden, you know...
- [Mrs. Ruxton has just realized that Will took the roses from her garden]
- [Will and Tom are a convertible, and it's raining]
- Will Sly: I figured for ten weeks of sun, surf, and sex, we wouldn't need a top.
- Tom Sullivan: Well, if the surf and the sex are as good as the sun, we're in big trouble.
- Will Sly: [walks into Tom's room, where the light is off] Sullivan, you pervert, it's pitch black in here.
- [he switches on the light]
- Tom Sullivan: I got news for you, Sly. It's still pitch black in here.
- Will Sly: It's not nice to make fun of sighted people. I'm liable to go through your closet and mix all your solids and checks, and then where would you be? You'd be a walking billboard for bad taste, that's where you'd be!
- Will Sly: Time to think about getting a new guide dog. I'm off tomorrow.
- Tom Sullivan: It's tomorrow already? Jesus, what happened? We were...
- Will Sly: They should make calendars in Braille. They really should.
- Molly: [holding the phone] It's the IRS. They'd like to know when they can expect payment.
- Porky Sullivan: When the bloody pope gets a hickey!
- Molly: [into the phone] When the bloody pope gets a hickey, sir... Well, I'm tell him you said so!
- Mrs. Ruxton: I don't allow pets. You won't be able to keep your seeing eye dog here.
- Tom Sullivan: [patting Will on the chest] Oh, I don't have a seeing eye dog, Mrs. Ruxton. I have Sly.
- Will Sly: Woof, woof.
- Mrs. Ruxton: Oh dear.
- Will Sly: [Interrupts Tom Sullivan singing in the shower] Hey, Beverly Sills, you mind if I smoke?
- Tom Sullivan: In the shower?
- Will Sly: Oh, I always smoke in the shower. I find it cuts down the risk of serious fire by about half.
- Tom Sullivan: [while fondling two women in the bar where he sings] You wanna be in a band? I'll design the costumes!