If You Could See What I Hear (1982)
Will Sly: [Interrupts Tom Sullivan singing in the shower] Hey, Beverly Sills, you mind if I smoke?
Tom Sullivan: In the shower?
Will Sly: Oh, I always smoke in the shower. I find it cuts down the risk of serious fire by about half.
[Will and Tom are a convertible, and it's raining]
Will Sly: I figured for ten weeks of sun, surf, and sex, we wouldn't need a top.
Tom Sullivan: Well, if the surf and the sex are as good as the sun, we're in big trouble.
Policeman: [incredulously] Your friend is blind?
Will Sly: More or less, yeah.
Policeman: Then why the hell is he driving?
Will Sly: 'Cause he's the only one who's sober!
[Tom does a backflip over the car]
Will Sly: See?
Will Sly: God, his kind can really sing, huh?
[while Tom is performing]
Bert: Yeah, but they make lousy astronomers.
Will Sly: [walks into Tom's room, where the light is off] Sullivan, you pervert, it's pitch black in here.
[he switches on the light]
Tom Sullivan: I got news for you, Sly. It's still pitch black in here.
Will Sly: It's not nice to make fun of sighted people. I'm liable to go through your closet and mix all your solids and checks, and then where would you be? You'd be a walking billboard for bad taste, that's where you'd be!
Will Sly: Time to think about getting a new guide dog. I'm off tomorrow.
Tom Sullivan: It's tomorrow already? Jesus, what happened? We were...
Will Sly: They should make calendars in Braille. They really should.
Molly: [holding the phone] It's the IRS. They'd like to know when they can expect payment.
Porky Sullivan: When the bloody pope gets a hickey!
Molly: [into the phone] When the bloody pope gets a hickey, sir... Well, I'm tell him you said so!
Will Sly: He was saving his money to buy a Braille Bible, but instead, he insisted on buying you these!
[presents a handful of roses]
Mrs. Buxton: [stunned] Oh! The O'Brien Red! But these are so expensive! You shouldn't have. I have a precious few of these in me own rose garden, ya kno -
[realizes that he took the roses from her garden]