E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Michael: Maybe it was an iguana.
Elliot: It was *no* iguana.
Michael: Maybe, um - You know how they say there are alligators in the sewers?
Gertie: Alligators in the sewers.
Mary: All we're trying to say is, maybe you just probably imagined it. It happened...
Elliot: I couldn't have imagined it!
Michael: Maybe it was a pervert or a deformed kid or something.
Gertie: A deformed kid.
Michael: [mockingly] Maybe an elf or a leprechaun.
Elliot: It was nothing like that, penis-breath!
Mary: [laughs in shock] *Elliot!* Sit down.
Tyler: [sarcastically] Hey, Elliot, where's your goblin?
Michael: Shut up.
Steve: Did he come back?
Pretty Young Girl: Hi, Elliot.
Greg: Well, did he?
Elliot: Yeah, he came back, but he's not a goblin. He's a spaceman.
Steve: Ooh, as in extra-terrestrial!
Tyler: Where is he from, Uranus? Get it? Your anus?
Greg: He doesn't get it, Ty.
Tyler: Get it, your anus?
Greg: He doesn't get it.
Elliot: You're so immature!
Greg: And you're such a cintus suprimus!
Elliot: Zero charisma!
Greg: Cintus suprimus!
Elliot: Zero charisma!
Greg: Cintus suprimus!
Elliot: Shut up, Greg!
Greg: Cintus suprimus!
Elliot: [yells as he rides off on his bike] Zero charisma!
Greg: You wimp!
Elliot: He's a man from outer space and we're taking him to his spaceship.
Greg: Well, can't he just beam up?
Elliot: This is *reality*, Greg.
Michael: Did you explain school to him?
Elliot: How do you explain school to higher intelligence?
Michael: Maybe he's not that smart. Maybe he's like a worker bee who only knows how to push buttons or something.
Elliot: [knowingly] He is too smart.
Michael: Okay, I just hope we don't wake up on Mars or something surrounded by millions of little squashy guys.
Mary: If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't touch it, just call me and we'll have somebody come and take it away.
Gertie: Like the dogcatcher?
Elliot: But they'll give it a lobotomy or do experiments on it or something.
Michael: Maybe he's some animal that wasn't supposed to live; kind of like those rabbits we saw. He could be a monkey or an orangutan.
Elliot: A bald monkey?
Gertie: Is he a pig? He sure eats like one.
Elliot: You could be happy here, I could take care of you. I wouldn't let anybody hurt you. We could grow up together, E.T.
Keys: Elliot, that machine, what does it do?
Elliot: [in a sickly voice] The communicator? Is it still working?
Keys: It's doing *something*. What?
Elliot: I really shouldn't tell. He came to me, he came to me.
Keys: Elliot, he came to me too. I've been wishing for this since I was 10 years old, I don't want him to die. What can we do that we're not already doing?
Elliot: He needs to go home; he's calling his people. And I don't know where they are, but he needs to go home.
Keys: Elliot, I don't think he was left here intentionally, but his being here is a miracle, Elliot. It's a miracle and you did the best that anybody could do. I'm glad he met you first.
Elliot: You must be dead, because I don't know how to feel. I can't feel anything anymore.
Tyler: [to Elliot] Douche bag.
Mary: [hits him on the head] No 'douche bag' talk in my house!
Elliot: Think, Michael. What would make a radar?
Michael: How the hell do I know? You're the genius in the family; you have absolute power, remember?
Michael: We're all going to die and they're never going to give me my license!
Michael: Where's the playground?
Elliot: It's near the preschool!
Michael: Where's that?
Elliot: I don't know streets! Mom always drives me!
Michael: Son of a bitch.
[Mary hits E.T. with the refrigerator door]
Gertie: Here he is.
Mary: [absently] Here's who?
Gertie: The man from the moon. But I think you've killed him already.
[after E.T. learns how to talk]
Mary: Gertie, I have to go pick up Elliot. Will you be a good girl and stay...
Gertie: Mama, he can talk!
Mary: [thinking she meant Elliot] Of course he can talk. I'll be right back in ten minutes. Stay there.
Elliot: [tearfully, while looking down at E.T.'s plastic-covered corpse] I'll believe in you all my life, everyday. E.T... I love you.
Elliot: [solemnly] Stay...
E.T.: [puts his finger to his glowing heart] Ouch.
Elliot: [mimics the same action, tearfully] Ouch.
E.T.: [E.T. and Elliot embrace each other, then E.T. puts his glowing finger to Elliot's forehead] I'll... be... right... here.
Elliot: [tearfully] ... bye.
Steve: [reading dice] Five.
Michael: Oh, great.
Steve: So you got an arrow right in your chest.
E.T.: [steps on a bathroom scale, it reads 35 lbs]
Elliot: 35 pounds? You're fat!
[having Elliot order the pizza so he can get in the game]
Greg: And plenty of sausages and pepperonis!
Tyler: Everything but the little fishies.
E.T.: [saying good-bye] Beeeeeee... gooood.
Gertie: [tearfully] Yes.
[watching Elliot's house under quarantine after E.T.'s death]
Steve: Something's happening.
Greg: [sarcastically] Ooh, they're gonna die.
Tyler: Shut up, Greg.
Steve: Something is definitely happening.
Mary: It's your turn to do the dishes, fellas.
Michael: I set and cleared.
Elliot: [in a stern tone] I set and cleared.
Michael: [quickly] I did breakfast.
Gertie: [solemnly] I did breakfast.
Michael: [noticing how upset Mary is] What's the matter, mom?
Mary: [leaves in tears, to herself, about her husband] He HATES Mexico!
Michael: [to Elliott, furiously] Damn it, why don't you - grow up and think how other people feel for a change!
[Elliott goes angry and does the dishes]
Elliot: But, look, you can't tell. Not even Mom.
Gertie: Why not?
Elliot: Because, uh, grown-ups can't see him. Only little kids can see him.
Gertie: Give me a break!
Elliot: [Transylvanian accent] Well, do you know what's going to happen if you do tell?
[Elliot grabs Gertie's doll and throw it to Michael]
Elliot: Do it, Mike, we have to.
[Gertie begs the doll back as Elliott and Michael 'torture' it. They stop when Gertie vows to keep E.T. a secret]
Elliot: [to Gertie] Promise?
Gertie: [distressed] Yes.
Elliot: [to Michael] You promise?
Gertie: I don't like his feet.
Elliot: They're only feet, you little twerp.
Elliot: [upon encountering E.T., running excitedly into the house] Mom, Mom! There's something out there!
Elliot: It's in the toolshed. It threw the ball at me.
[Michael and his friends mock him loudly]
[Michael's friends go silent]
Elliot: [in hushed tone] Nobody go out there!
Michael: [the boys all spring up excitedly] Ha! Ha! Ha!
[they grab knives]
Mary: Stop, now! You guys stay right here!
Michael: You stay here, Mom, we'll check it out!
Mary: And put those knives back!
[Elliot grabs her hand and pulls her outside as well]
Mary: Okay, Elliot! Let me get a flashlight.
Elliot: [seeing E.T. in a dress, with a wig and jewelry] Oh, God!
Elliot: [still too frustrated to notice he just spoke to him] What?
E.T.: Elliot!... Elliot!
Gertie: I taught him how to talk now. He can talk now.
[Elliot sees electronics and supplies together in the closet]
Gertie: Look what he brought up here all by himself. What's he need this stuff for?
Elliot: E.T., can you say that? Can you say 'E.T.'? E.T.
E.T.: Eeee Teee.
Elliot: [Elliot laughs in amazement]
E.T.: E.T.! E.T.! E.T.! Be good.
Gertie: "Be good"! I taught him that too!
Elliot: You should give him his dignity. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
E.T.: [gives Elliot a newspaper and points at a comic picture] Phone.
Elliot: 'Phone'? He said 'phone'? He said 'phone'?
Gertie: Can't you understand English? He said 'phone'.
E.T.: [points to closet] Home?
Elliot: You're right. That's E.T.'s home.
E.T.: [scurries over to the window and points his long finger towards it] E.T. home phone.
Gertie: [clarifying] E.T. phone home.
Elliot: E.T. phone home.
[understanding what he means]
Elliot: E.T. phone home!
Gertie: He wants to call somebody.
Gertie: What are you going as for Halloween?
Elliot: [Elliot is upset because nobody believes him] I'm not going to stupid Halloween.
Michael: [to Elliot] Why don't you go as a goblin?
Elliot: [flatly] Shut up.
Michael: [walks in Elliot's room and sees E.T. in a dress; he chuckles] What's all this shit?
E.T.: E.T. phone home.
Michael: [astonished] My God, he's talking now.
Elliot: E.T. phone home?
E.T.: [points to window] E.T. phone home.
Elliot: [whispers] And they'll come?
E.T.: Come? Home.
[pulls off wig and hat from his head]