El cepo (1982)

User Rating:

1.4/10   

Director:

Francisco Rodríguez Gordillo

Writers:

Francisco Ariza (story)
Francisco Prósper (screenplay)

Genre:

Fantasy | Horror

Plot:

A maniac murders beautiful women, then stores their bodies in a freezer. |

Plot Keywords:

Murder | Freezer

Cast

Jack Taylor	...	Dr. Beneau / Michele
Mirta Miller	...	Chantal
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
María del Mar Ariscoechea
Claudia Gravy	...	Sylvie
Manuela Jiménez
Juan Meseguer	...	Jean
Natalia Millán
Juan Antonio Ortiz

Also Known As:

The Icebox Murders

Runtime:

Spain:86 min

Country:

Spain

Language:

Spanish

Color:

Color

If there are video recorders in hell, then they'll be playing The Icebox Murders...

People often assume that the slasher boom of the early eighties was mainly populated by the American – and to a lesser extent – Italian movie industries. Spain's contribution to the genre is often overlooked, even though they were equally responsible for their fair share of prolific output. The first offering to grace the category from Espanola was Jesus Franco's Bloody Moon, which found its calling after achieving cult status in the United Kingdom by joining the notorious 'video nasty' list. Hot on the heels of Franco's effort was the equally bloody Pieces, and the decade closed with Jose Larraz's fairly decent slasher/mystery, Edge of the Axe. However, there was a film from that ever so fruitful period that slipped by completely unnoticed by completists and critics alike, namely El Cepo or The Icebox Murders, as it's more commonly known. It originally secured a small release on the long defunct Mogul label, which also gave life to slashers Satan's Blade and Lucifer aka Goodnight Godbless. It never really found an audience outside its country of origin, and like so many of its less fortunate cousins from around that time, it soon vanished from existence. Eventually it became one of those rare gems that sell for big bucks to die hard collectors on Internet video-search agencies, due to their impossible to locate status.

Admittedly, the fact that it had become so rare only helped to evoke my curiosities about the picture, and an impressive and intriguing title also led me to begin a stringent search to track down a copy and find out exactly what I had been missing out on. After months of hearing absolutely nothing, finally a DVD popped up on ebay called The Trap - El Cepo translated – and so I entered my bid and patiently awaited to see if my inquisitiveness could be justified and awarded with the bonus that I'd found an all but forgotten slasher masterpiece. They say that when a film disappears, it's never without good reason, and they're usually right with that assumption. But this time I kept my opinions open, because every now and then I've uncovered a rarity that's turned out to be a whole lot more than I ever expected. I wasn't going to let the less than alluring cover artwork dampen my spirits, as I slipped the disk into my much-overused Playstation 2 and cracked open a chilled bottle of Smirnoff Ice for the journey.

Despite the fact this was a Spanish production, the movie's actually set in Paris, France. It kicks off with a girl running down a dimly lighted corridor. She's fleeing a slow stalking camera shy maniac, who eventually catches her and puts his hands around her throat. She screams and then the shot ends. Cut to a news report, which helpfully informs us that she's the sixth woman to be butchered by this unseen menace, and it looks as if he has a taste for slashing beautiful young ladies (don't they all?).

Next up we meet a prostitute called Chantelle who boasts that she's found a goldmine in a man who buys her presents without wanting anything in return. If this frigid character isn't an over-zealous advertisement for a could-be psychotic killer, then I don't know what on earth is. He walks with a cane and his dress sense pretty much amounts to a pitch-black suit and he always wears dark glasses, making him look like a bizarre cross between a secret service agent and an especially morbid undertaker. The prossie pops round to his apartment and he informs her that he doesn't like the way she dresses so provocatively. He tells her that she should give up that 'ridiculous profession' and he wants to whisk her away somewhere and 'help regain her youth'. Hmmm, I'll have to try that one next time I visit a nightclub, what do ya reckon? She agrees to the vacation as long as she can bring her friend Sylvia along, who doesn't seem too impressed with his gentlemanly manner. That night, Sylvia has a dream that 'the undertaker' has some murderous ambitions up his sleeve, and after that she remains wary of his true intentions. Soon we learn that he isn't actually a grave-filler by trade, but he's actually a doctor - unfortunately.

They arrive at a mansion that's conveniently secluded miles from civilization, and we meet another suspicious character that shares the spacious abode. John the twitchy caretaker takes an interest in the young girlie's appearance, but is warned off by the solemn doctor, who beats him with the aforementioned cane. The peaceful serenity gets a bit depressing for the spirited lassies and they head out to the local discotheque, where we meet yet another possible suspect, – a smooth talking local that tries to pull the moody Sylvia. When they return later that night, she sees two silhouettes carrying a suspicious shape into the icebox. Could it have been a dead body? Do fish swim in the sea? Not a lot happens from here on out, it's mostly just a whole heap of pointless talking, which is painfully dragged out and mind-numbingly boring.

Eventually things liven up a little, when poor old John gets gunned down by an unseen sniper and Sylvie spies 'someone' with a decapitated head in his tool shed. Of course no one believes what she saw, and on inspection, it mysteriously disappears. Some time later, Chantelle discovers a collection of human trophies in a cleverly concealed cupboard, this results in the killer having to reveal himself, and a traditional fight for survival ensues...

Right that's it; finally I've learned my lesson. Never again will I be enticed by a movie that has (rightly) been banished from wise-minded collections, thinking that it was just an unfortunate twist of fate. The Icebox Murders is as rancid as a geriatric sewer rat - and just as stinky! Even the title and the taglines are outright lies, to trick unsuspecting victims (such as myself) into believing this could be an impressive premise for a slasher flick. The cover says that a maniac murders women and stores their bodies in a freezer. But no, there's just two on-screen killings in the whole film, and the only corpse that's found in the said icebox belongs to an animal – no fair! This isn't even really a slasher flick, seeing how the second murder is committed with a gun, so I urge all genre completists not to bother adding this one to your collection. There's truly nothing here that would warrant even the most adamant fan to hunt this down, no matter how much you want to own every genre piece that was ever transferred to cheap videotape. (Now there's a thought!)

Let's get this straight; this isn't just a painfully long and irritating epic of nonsensical dribble with the oomph of a squished slug. Oh no, it's flawed in just about every respect that a motion picture possibly can be. It looks to have been edited by someone using a seven year old's 'my first stationary' kit, the theme-music plays randomly, with no apparent acknowledgment of the scene it's accompanying, and it boasts the directorial flare of a retarded gibbon. By far the worst aspect of this major monstrosity is the abysmal quality of the acting, which is best described as the dramatic equivalent of an omnibus of the worst ever scenes from the history of East Enders. - Yes it is that bad. They could have packed the whole story in about twenty-five minutes of screen-time, which probably would have made a fairly watchable short. But instead it drags on - like a two-legged camel – for an hour and a half, as we watch a pair of unattractive females continually express their distaste at being cooped up in a mansion that they could have left whenever they felt the need too. Sadly, they were too dumb to work that out, so we have to look on as they (slowly) come to the conclusion that they're heading for a slashing if they hang around good old 'Mr. I'm a creepo' for much longer.

Little remains to be said, except steer well clear of this awful waste of a production budget. There's truly nothing to be salvaged from this sabotaged wreck of a movie, and like myself, you'll never reclaim the time that you wasted whilst watching it. The funny thing is, I saw a VHS copy of this for sale in an Amazon Z-shop for $100, and a couple of days later it was gone. $100 for this rubbish, what a total waste of money! If I had paid $20 for the 'privilege' of watching it, I'd be fuming mad, let alone a nice round one hundred. Well, I guess it takes all sorts, doesn't it? I cannot warn you harshly enough about the dangers that lurk within the cover of The Icebox Murders. It's as unforgiving as an ex-girlfriend that you ruthlessly dumped, - and you'll want to avoid it just the same! Be afraid... Be very afraid…