Memorable quotes for
Airplane II: The Sequel (1982) More at IMDbPro »

Striker: Which passenger is Joe Solucci?
Mary, Shuttle Stewardess: 16C. Why?
Striker: He's carrying a bomb.
Mary, Shuttle Stewardess: A bo - ?
Striker: No, not a bo-. A bomb. Now, discreetly as possible, I want you to move the passengers, into the lounge.
Mary, Shuttle Stewardess: We don't, have a lounge.
Striker: That's not important right now but, you got to do is get those people away from that bomb.
Mary, Shuttle Stewardess: Well, what should I say?
Striker: Anything, don't let Solucci think, that we're getting onto him.
Mary, Shuttle Stewardess: I'll do my best.

---

Soldier: Those lights are blinking out of sequence.
Murdock: Make them blink in sequence.

---

Simon: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your captain, Captain Oveur.
Clarence Oveur: Gentlemen, welcome aboard.
Simon: Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer, Mr. Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Unger.
Unger: Oveur.
Dunn: Oveur.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work.
Simon: Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the Air Force?
Unger: Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn.
Dunn: Yep.
Simon: So, Dunn, you were under Oveur and over Unger.
Unger: Yep.
Clarence Oveur: That's right. Dunn was over Unger and I was over Dunn.
Unger: So, you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.

---

Witness: Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn't handle it.
Prosecutor: Buddy couldn't handle it? Was Buddy one of your crew?
Witness: Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn't handle it, and he went to pieces.
Prosecutor: *Andy* went to pieces?
Witness: No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.
Prosecutor: *Howie* came unglued?
Witness: Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.
Prosecutor: And he bailed out?
Witness: No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.
Prosecutor: Then Howie survived?
Witness: No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.

---

Prosecutor: Over Macho Grande?
Witness: No. I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande.

---

Prosecutor: Dr. Stone, would you give the court your impression of Mr. Striker?
Dr. Stone: I'm sorry, I don't do impressions... my training is in psychiatry.

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Jimmy: Can I ask you a question?
Striker: What is it?
Jimmy: It's an interrogative statement, used to test knowledge. But that's not important now, mister. Is my dog Scraps, is gonna make it through okay? I'm scared mister, somebody has to do something.
Striker: Scraps, is going to be fine son. You'll both, be just fine.
[Striker, puts Jimmy's face in the icing of the cake]
Simon: Striker, listen to me. I don't want you, to do this they forced me to cut corners...
Striker: Get outta my way!
Simon: Help me, Striker for Christ -
[Striker, slugs Simon in the face]

---

Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
Jacobs: Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.

---

Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?
Jacobs: Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.

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Elaine Dickinson: Ted, I have the strangest feeling we've been through this exact same thing before.

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Steve McCroskey: And I can sum it all up in just one word: courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, *guts*. Why, Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon!

---

Buck Murdock: Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

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Buck Murdock: Oh, cut the bleeding heart crap, will ya? We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Striker. I mean, down here there are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking and beeping and flashing - they're *flashing* and they're *beeping*. I can't stand it anymore! They're *blinking* and *beeping* and *flashing*! Why doesn't somebody pull the plug!

---

Buck Murdock: We'd better get to the tower, Lieutenant.
Lt. Pervis: We have no tower, sir.
Buck Murdock: No tower?
Lt. Pervis: Just a bridge, sir.
Buck Murdock: Why the *hell* aren't I notified about these things?

---

Steve McCroskey: Striker? Striker, Striker, *Strike Her*!
[a man behind Steve punches a woman]

---

Striker: We're going to have to blow up the computer!
Elaine Dickinson: Blow ROC?
[a smiling face appears on the computer]

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Striker: Quick, you must get everybody into the lounge.
Testa: But we don't have a lounge...
Striker: That's not important right now.

---

Elaine Dickinson: I'm gonna go get Ted, just don't fall apart on me now!

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Jimmy: Dad never slaps me around at home, must be his coffee.
Jimmy's Mom: No, I've been serving him decafe. Maybe he's just an asshole.

---

Mr. Hammen: And how about the time we hopped in the family car and drove all the way to Woodstock?
Mrs. Hammen: Oh, that was a time. You got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks, you kept telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!
Mr. Hammen: What a bummer.
Mrs. Hammen: No shit.

---

Striker: We're not in the past anymore, Elaine. This... is the FUTURE.

---

ROC: Voice interface.
Elaine Dickinson: There's an overheat in the core. Please analyze problem.
ROC: There is no apparent overheat.
Elaine Dickinson: Yes, there is, ROC. We read a core overheat. Repeat analysis.
ROC: Analysis confirmed. All systems compute positive.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, not from where I'm sitting, they don't!
ROC: Look, Elaine. Cut the "not from where I'm sitting" shit. It must be a human error.
[Elaine turns to the captain]
Elaine Dickinson: Captain, I think we have a computer foul-up!
Capt. Oveur: I see.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, what do you recommend, Captain?
Capt. Oveur: Maybe you'd better run it through the computer.
Elaine Dickinson: But sir, I already have!
Capt. Oveur: Good!

---

[the controllers thinking about the people in the hijacked airplane]
Controller #2: They're screwed!
Controller #3: They're dead!
Controller Jacobs: Did I leave the iron on?

---

Businessman #1: Don't worry about the Viatex account, we have a buy or sell option; we can't get hurt in either case.
Businessman #2: Just keep on top of their legal people, Bob.
Businessman #1: Will do.
[Two men kiss]
Businessman #2: And Bob, feed the cats.
Businessman #1: Will do.

---

[the Wilson family arrives at the checkpoint]
Porter: Can I help you folks?
Alice Wilson, John Wilson: Oh, yes, thank you.
Porter: Aw, is that your dog, son?
[looking at Scraps, Jimmy's dog]
Jimmy Wilson: Yes, his name is Scraps, and he's going to the moon with us.
Porter: Oh no. No dogs are allowed in the shuttle son. I'm affraid Scraps will have to be shot.
[pulls out a gun, shoots the dog and the dog falls to the floor]
Jimmy Wilson: [shouts, bending towards his dog] Scraps! He shot him! He shot Scraps! He shot him!
Porter: Just joking. Blanks, see? Scraps is fine.
[Dog stands up]
Porter, Alice Wilson, John Wilson: [laughing]

---

First Woman in Line: Where is the passenger processing lounge for the lunar shuttle?
Information Agent: Concourse lounge C, fourth level.
First Woman in Line: Thank you.
Information Agent: Next?
Next Woman in Line: How long is my parking permit good for?
Information Agent: Two hours.
Next Woman in Line: Thank you.
Information Agent: Yes, next?
Next Man: What's the fastest animal on Earth?
Information Agent: The cheetah. Next?
Female Passenger #3: Should I fake my orgasms?
Information Agent: Yes.
Female Passenger #3: Thank you.
Information Agent: Next?

---

[in a montage of news reports]
Buffalo Anchorman: Our top story Tonight, Four-alarm fire rages through Downtown Buffalo. Also in the news, Lunar Shuttle heads for the Sun, and certain disaster.
Tokyo Anchorman: Our top story Tonight, Four-alarm fire rages through Downtown Tokyo. Also in the news, American Lunar Mission locked in death struggle.
Moscow Anchorman: [with a gun pointed to his head] A Four-alarm fire in Downtown Moscow clears way for a glorious new tractor factory. And on the lighter side of the news, Hundreds of Capitalists are soon to perish in Shuttle disaster.

---

Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Witness: Ain't no thing.
[he slaps the clerk's book and the clerk uses his book to slap the witnesses hand as if "giving fives" to each other]
Defense Attorney: [approaches the witness as he sits down in the witness stand] Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?
Witness: Check it, bleed. Bro... was ON! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', Man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bone, Homes.
[the stenographer wears sunglasses and sways back and forth as he types]
Witness: So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runway like a mother. Shit.

---

[Ted climbs over the wall guarding the mental hospital, removes his gown revealing regular clothes and throws the gown out of harm's way. The gown comes back and covers Ted's head. Ted drops the gown beside him and starts to run while trying to avoid being spotted by a searchlight. Ted pauses when he encounters a lounge singer in a spotlight. The singer wears a tuxedo with his bow tie untied and he holds a microphone. It's Jack Jones]
Lounge Singer: [sings] ... floats back to you... Ooo, The Love Boat... soon will be making another run. The Love Boat...
[Ted continues to run]

---

Murdock: Stryker, you get that ship down... and down safe...
[a giant money safe falls behind Murdock]
Murdock: ... there just might be a few of us who will forget Macho Grande.

---

Controller #3: Get me Steve McCroskey!
Controller #2: Are you kidding? Ever since Reagan fired the air traffic controllers, he's been completely senile!
Controller #3: Yeah, but what about McCroskey?
Controller #2: About the same as Reagan.

---

Striker: Where am I going to get a piece of metal?... Out here in space?... At this hour?

---

Striker: Ok Murdock, I think I got something that just might work.
Murdock: what?
Striker: A bobby pin.
Murdock: Bobby pin. What the hell's, a man doing with a bobby pin. Lights on
Murdock: [Turns lights on]
Murdock: All right Striker, if a bobby pin is what you got, you will have to do. Just shove it in there, you'll have to short that thing out.
Striker: [Shoves the bobby pin, into the broken lever compartment, and sparks]

---

Steve McCroskey: [he hears lots of static on his two-way radio] Striker, you're fading out! Come in. Over.
[more static]
Steve McCroskey: Damn! We lost him!
Controller #1: Could be those sun spots.
Jacobs: Could be your dishwashing detergent.

---

Steve McCroskey: [speaking to the entire control room] Now listen to me and listen good. If you got any ideas, any ideas at all, now is the time. I want to hear them and I want to hear them now!
Jacobs: How about a game show like Hollywood Squares but with kids? Gary Coleman could host.

---

Dunn: Uh, Captain, I'm picking up an overheat in the computer core.
Clarence Oveur: How serious is it, Mr. Dunn?
Dunn: Uh, I can't tell sir.
Clarence Oveur: Well you can tell me - I'm the Captain.

---

Steve McCroskey: Would somebody please tell me what in Sam Hill a woman is doing up there in charge of that ship?
Jacobs: Well maybe she's got her ship together.

---

Simon: Just a few more hours and change 'til liftoff.
Elaine Dickinson: I'm very excited, Simon.
Simon: Guess this is a first for you, eh kid?
Elaine Dickinson: No, I've been excited before.

---

Clarence Oveur: Mr. Dunn, what's your temperature reading?
Dunn: [takes thermometer out of his mouth and reads it] Uh, 98.6 sir.
Clarence Oveur: That sounds normal.

---

Simon: My God! The sun.
Elaine Dickinson: What is it, Simon?
Simon: A large, fiery ball at the center of our solar system, but that's not important now. We're heading right for it.

---

Elaine Dickinson: [speaking into handset] Hello, this is the Mayflower. Come in. Anyone?
Steve McCroskey: Okay okay. Now we're making some headway.
[responds into handset]
Steve McCroskey: Yeah yeah, we read you Mayflower. Identify yourself.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, this is Elaine Dickinson. I'm 5-foot-8, 123 pounds. I have, uh, brown hair, blue eyes. I enjoy surfing, backgammon and men who aren't afraid to cry.

---

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