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Student Bodies (1981) Poster

Quotes

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, in order to achieve an "R" rating today, a motion picture must contain full frontal nudity, graphic violence, or an explicit reference to the sex act. Since this film has none of those, and since research has proven that R-rated films are by far the most popular with the moviegoing public, the producers of this motion picture have asked me to take this opportunity to say "Fuck you."

[the MPAA R-rating logo appears on the screen]

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Principal Peters: Hasn't there been enough senseless killing? Let's have a murder that makes sense!

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The Breather: Why do they always run away from me? It's the galoshes. They're a dead giveaway. Why do I wear them? It isn't even raining!

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[as Charlie attempts to make out with her]

Julie: Not here. Not now.

Charlie: Where? When?

Julie: Upstairs. Ten seconds.

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Charlie: Julie, you're not responding to my maleness.

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[Over the phone]

Ms. Van Dyke: What makes your voice sound so funny?

The Breather: I'm disguising it.

Ms. Van Dyke: How?

The Breather: By talking through a rubber chicken.

Ms. Van Dyke: I thought it sounded like you were speaking through a rubber chicken.

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The Breather: [choosing a horsehead bookend for a murder weapon] Horsehead...

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Toby: Who could have done these murders?

Hardy: I don't know. It could have been anybody.

Toby: Well, it can't be ANYbody. It's gotta be somebody.

Hardy: Of course it's somebody, but that somebody could be anybody.

Toby: Well, look, we didn't do it, right?

Hardy: Right.

Toby: So you can't say it could be anybody. WE'RE anybody.

Hardy: True, but we're also somebody.

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The Breather: [to the audience] Hello, it's me, The Breather. You're probably wonder who I am. Who could I be? Could I be the innocent looking Toby? Would you trust a girl who looked like Prince Valiant in a plum sweater? Maybe I'm Dr. Sigmund; a man who was once arrested for corrupting the morals of a hooker. Then there's Malvert; with an I.Q. of a handball and the personality of a parking meter: violated! Could I be the principal Mr. Peters; a man who keeps cheese in his underwear to attract mice? Let's not forget Ms. Leclair; English teacher by day and English teacher by night. Ah, Miss Mumsley; She eats 12 prunes a day and nothing happens. Nurse Krud and Ms. Van Dyke; what's in a name? Everything! And then there's Dumpkin; a man who sleeps with his nuts in between horsehead bookends.

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The Breather: Nurse Krud and Ms. Van Dyke. What's in a name? Everything.

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Mr. Dumpkin: You don't need your family. You don't need your friends. As long as you have, a horsehead bookend.

[overhears Toby talking]

Mr. Dumpkin: Talking? During horsehead bookends? Who was that? Sure, the girl. What have we here, Miss Shouldn't-be-in-the-class-anyway?

Toby: Well, it's a horsehead bookend, Mr. Dumpkin.

Mr. Dumpkin: You stained it and everything. I couldn't have done a better job myself.

Toby: That's what I was thinking.

[the word SUSPECT flashes in front of Mr. Dumpkin]

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The Breather: [after repeatedly stepping in gum] I'd like to kill the kid with the gum!

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[a blind man and a man in a wheelchair are arguing over the only handicapped parking space]

Charles Ray: Hey, man, that's my parking space! Can't you see I'm blind?

Wheels: Hey, I'm more handicapped than you! I can't even make love to a woman.

Charles Ray: I can never find one! Now move it!

[Patti pulls in and steals the space]

Wheels: Hey, that's our parking spot!

Patti: Great physical beauty can be a handicap, too.

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The Breather: [on the phone] I'm gonna kill next at the football game. Click.

Ms. Van Dyke: Did you hang up?

The Breather: No, I just said "click".

[then hangs up]

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Football Coach: Wait a minute. Now, he could be our man. Look at him! Look at him! He's got blood on his hands!

Malvert the Janitor: No, since accident, Malvert pee red. You know good urologist?

[phone rings]

Ms. Van Dyke: I'll get it. I'm farthest from the phone.

Miss Mumsley: That makes sense.

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Toby: I said his keys not his cheese!

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Toby: My father, Yuck.

Dr. Sigmund: Your father's name was Yuck?

Toby: He used to lock me in my room with him in it.

Dr. Sigmund: Don't call me Daddy anymore.

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Malvert the Janitor: Since accident, Malvert sometimes pee red.

Malvert the Janitor: Sex kills. Sex kills.

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The Breather: I said... huhahuhahuhahuhahuha...!

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Nurse Krud: Dead men tell no tales, but they fart.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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