Smokey Bites the Dust (1981)

Walter Barnes: Sheriff Turner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheriff Bleed : [noticing his wrecked police car]  This is an unacceptable waste. A filthy shame. You're under arrest.

  Sheriff Turner : Sherm, you're in my county, now and you can't even arrest a butterfly.

  Sheriff Bleed : But the crime was initiated in Knotsie County. I have a right to pursue people across the state line.

  Sheriff Turner : Look, only the FBI can cross a state line, Sherm. You're so stupid about the law!

  Sheriff Bleed : Oh, yeah?

  [takes out his handcuffs] 

  Sheriff Bleed : Well, I know a criminal when I see one.

  [Sheriff Turner starts to run] 

  Sheriff Bleed : Stop or I'll shoot!

  Sheriff Turner : [laughs]  You shoot me and I'll hang you!

  Sheriff Bleed : You'll never live to see it!

• [first lines] 

  Sheriff Turner : Bentley, don't reveal your position. This time, we'll get that son of a bitch and bury him under the men's room, then there'll be no more car chases in this town. A man on this force loses another car in pursuit of the suspect, he'll lose two year's pay.

• Sheriff Turner : [he and Bentley interrupt the homecoming's band's practice]  Uh... whose tangerine Triumph Convertible is that out there in the parking lot?

  Triumph Convertible Owner : It's mine, Sheriff. It's gonna be in the homecoming parade.

  Sheriff Turner : [crazed]  Your ass it's gonna be in the homecoming!

  [he and Bentley scramble around the students to capture him] 

  Band Director : [sarcastic]  Don't mind me, you know? What the hell.

  Kenny : [walks over to Peggy Sue]  Hey, Peggy Sue, what time do you want to be picked up, tomorrow?

  Sheriff Turner : [angrily]  Picked up? What time do you want to be PUT DOWN? Mess with my daughter and all you'll pick up is your teeth!

• Sheriff Turner : [to the rabbi in the stolen pickup truck]  Sorry to run off with you, like this, Padre, but my little girl's been abducted by some goddamn teenage car thief and anything I hate is a car thief. If I ever get my hands on him, there's no power on God's brown earth that'll keep me from killing that son of a bitch.

• Deputy Bentley : Sheriff, you got them. They went down there. It's a dead end.

  Sheriff Turner : Where in the hell have you been all day, Bentley? Boy, you look like you got yourself the Galloping Ringworm, boy. Put yourself on report!

• Sheriff Turner : [planning to steal the lady sheriff's car]  All I really need, Nell, is your car!

  [laughs] 

  Woman Sheriff : Oh, no, you don't, Hoagy. That's a big, hot no-no.

  Sheriff Turner : War is hell, Nell!

  [speeds off] 

• Deputy #3 : [Sheriff Turner and Bentley arrive in the school parking lot]  I got him, sheriff. I think he's hiding in the trunk.

  Sheriff Turner : What the...?

• Sheriff Turner : If there's anything I hate, it's a car thief, a loudmouth, and a chicken-shit runaway!

  Roscoe Wilton : Hey, porky, want me to turn around and come back?

  Sheriff Turner : That'd be the only sane and sensible thing to do, son!

  Roscoe Wilton : Well, yes, sir, officer. That's just what you'll get.

  [He suddenly turns around and speeds past Turner, who loses control and crashes his car sideways] 

• Sheriff Turner : [describing his nemesis, Sheriff Bleed]  Getting anything from him is like trying to shit in a shoe.

• Sheriff Turner : [to two officers pulling into Snake Lake before stealing their car]  My mother, she's drowning!