Buddy Evans: My father always told me, "You can do anything you want in life, so long as you go to law school."
Maggie: What if he asks about his mother?
Buddy Evans: Why would he do that?
Maggie: Sooner or later he's going to notice he doesn't have a mother.
Buddy Evans: I'll stall him.
Maggie: All his life?
Buddy Evans: No, all mine.
Buddy Evans: I want this baby.
Maggie: Why this baby? Why do you want THIS baby?
Buddy Evans: Because I love it.
Maggie: You can't love anything!
Buddy Evans: I love you... five minutes ago when I smiled, it was the first time I had since you left.
Larry: Aww, isn't this wonderful? I feel like God.
Buddy Evans: [looking at Ms. Werner's teeth] What are those?
Ms. Werner: What are what?
Buddy Evans: Those things on your teeth.
Ms. Werner: [lisping] They're braces.
Buddy Evans: [imitates lisp] I know they're braces. But do you have to wear them?
Ms. Werner: No, they're the latest in costume jewelry. Of course I have to wear them.
Buddy Evans: I see. Well, it's just that I don't want my son to look like Jaws 2.
Ms. Werner: Well, he could end up with your forehead.
Buddy Evans: What's wrong with my forehead?
Ms. Werner: Look at those lines.
Buddy Evans: What lines?
Ms. Werner: Looks like it's suffering from erosion.
Buddy Evans: As long as we're talking about looks, your nose isn't exactly classic.
Ms. Werner: Has anyone ever suggested that you plant corn in your eyebrows?
Buddy Evans: My eyebrows are fine.
Ms. Werner: Sure, if you're into wildlife.
Buddy Evans: That's very amusing.
Ms. Werner: Thank you.
Buddy Evans: As long as we're talking about hair, about that "mat" on your head.
Ms. Werner: What about it?
Buddy Evans: Well, do you shampoo it or do you have it crop-dusted?
Ms. Werner: [stepping out of Buddy's office angrily] That is the rudest man I have ever met.
Laurie: Please, forgive him. This is very important to him.
Ms. Werner: [voice breaking] I can understand about my braces, but there is nothing wrong with my nose.
Laurie: It's a terrific nose.