Billy Ray: So, I heard you turned 80 today.
Norman: Is that what you heard?
Billy Ray: Yeah. Man, that's really old.
Norman: You should meet my father.
Billy Ray: Your father's still alive?
Norman: No, but you should meet him.
Norman: Wanna dance or would you rather just suck face?
Ethel: That son of a bitch happens to be my husband.
Chelsea Thayer Wayne: It just seems like we've been mad at each other for so long...
Norman: I didn't think we were mad; I just thought we didn't like each other.
Billy Ray: A canoe! Just like the Indians used.
Norman: Actually, the Indians used a different grade of aluminum.
Bill Ray: You're having a good time, aren't you?
Bill Ray: Chelsea told me all about how you like to have a good time messing with people's heads. She does too, sometimes. Me, sometimes I can get into it. Sometimes not. You know, it's not imperative that you and I become friends. I thought it would be nice. I'm sure you're a fascinating person, and I thought it would be fascinating to get to know you, but that's obviously not an easy task. So you just go ahead and be as... poopy, to quote Chelsea, as you want to be, and I'll be as nice and as civil as I can be. But I think there's one thing you should know while you're jerking me around and making me feel like an asshole. I know *precisely* what you're up to. And I'll take just so much of it. Now what is the bottom line on this illict sleeping together question?
Norman: Very good. That was a good speech. Bottom line, huh? You're a bottom line man? All right, here's the bottom line... O-kay.
Bill Ray: Huh?
Norman: You seem like a nice man. A bit verbose, but nice...
Bill Ray: Thank you.
Norman: ...and you're right about me. I am fascinating.
Bill Ray: I'm sure you are.
Norman: But let's get back to the sex thing... anything you want to know, just ask me. Go ahead.
Bill Ray: No, no... I just, uh, wanted to clear that up. Chelsea and I *can* sleep together.
Norman: Sure, please do.
[pauses, resumes reading]
Norman: Just don't let Ethel catch you.
Ethel: Don't you think that everyone looks back on their childhood with a certain amount of bitterness and regret about something?
Ethel: You're a big girl now. Aren't you tired of it all? Bore, bore.
Ethel: It doesn't have to ruin your life, darling.
Ethel: Life marches by, Chels. I suggest you get on with it.
Norman: "Ethel Thayer." It sounds like I'm lisping, doesn't it?
Ethel: Don't you think that everyone looks back on their childhood with a certain amount of bitterness and regret? It doesn't have to ruin your life!
Ethel: Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armor. Don't forget it. You're going to get back on that horse and I'm going to be right behind you, holding on tight and away we're going to go, go, go!
Ethel: Come here, Norman. Hurry up. The loons! The loons! They're welcoming us back.
Ethel: You know, Norman, you really are the sweetest man in the world, but I'm the only one who knows it.
Bill Ray: [as he heads out to the lake to go skinny-dipping with Ethel and Chelsea] Are there any bears around here?
Norman: Oh, sure. Black bears, grizzlies. One of 'em came along here and ate an old lesbian just last month.
Ethel: Don't be such an old poop!
Norman: [while reading the newspaper] Look at the Goddamned Orioles! Baltimore's always been a sneaky town!
Charlie Martin: How old will you be? On your birthday?
Norman: A hundred and three.
Charlie Martin: Ms. Appley had a birthday. She turned 97.
Ethel: Do you hear that Norman? Ninety-seven!
Norman: [referring to the fact that Ms. Appley was a lesbian] There's something to be said for a deviant lifestyle!
Norman: Would you like the room where I first violated her mother?
Norman: You want to know why I came back so fast? I got to the end of our lane. I couldn't remember where the old town road was. I went a little ways in the woods. There was nothing familar. Not one damn tree. Scared me half to death. That's why I came running back here to you. So I could see your pretty face and I could feel safe and that I was still me.
Ethel: You're safe, you old poop and you're definitely still you picking on poor old Charlie. After lunch, after we've gobbled up all those silly strawberries we'll take ourselves to the old town road. We've been there a thousand times. A thousand. And you'll remember it all. Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armour. Don't you forget it. You're gonna get back up on that horse and I'm gonna be right behind you holding on tight and away we're gonna go, go, go.
Norman: I don't like horses. You are a pretty old dame aren't you? What are you doing with a dotty old son of a bitch like me?
Ethel: Well, I haven't the vaguest idea.